


Searching For Meaning

by xxDeja_Uchihaxx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, ereri, riren - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:44:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 88,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4887754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxDeja_Uchihaxx/pseuds/xxDeja_Uchihaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is living a lonely life. His friends all but abandoned him and his father treats him like a waste of space. By chance, Eren meets Levi, a man struggling with the same deep depression, but his is fueled by his mysterious past. Will they be able to stop each other from destroying themselves to find some kind of meaning in their lives?</p><p>"But this kid…this poor, lost kid with beautiful eyes was destroying himself beyond belief."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING- Violence, Self-harm**  
>  Hope you guys enjoy my new fic!
> 
> Thank you to my beta Darkkestrel! :)

Trost is a city where dreams are made or dreams are crushed. There was very seldom a medium between the two, but here I was lingering in a living hell where all my needs were met. I sat in my bedroom, looking out the window trying to sketch the old tree as the rain poured down, but it was coming down in sheets, obstructing my view. I sighed and set my pencil aside. A rumble of thunder shook the house and I tried not to shudder, but my hate of storms stuck with me. A light rain wasn’t so bad, but thunder, lightning, wind. Now that’s what shook me down to the bones.

For now I abandoned my sketch, choosing to settle down in the plush covers of my bed. It was much larger than necessary, but Mom had insisted on it when we moved in years ago. Not like I didn’t have the space in my bedroom. I brought the green comforter up over me, settling it over my head as another roar of thunder ripped through the house. I trembled and gripped onto the familiar green, only bringing back thoughts of Mom.

Mom… I shook my head and willed the tears away. She also helped me pick out the comforter. I heard a car door outside and squeezed my eyes shut. No. I remember looking at the clock. It was just after seven before I climbed into bed. Dad had to be home early. I steadied my breathing and listened to the steps downstairs. Keys were thrown in the bowl we kept by the door…a miracle they actually landed in place. A miracle he actually got here at all in fact. I swallowed hard thinking of all the close calls, of all the times he almost didn’t make it home. Of all the phone calls I’ve gotten of him passed out on the side of the road. Footsteps carried him up the stairs. I shook my head in doubt. NO. My room was the only one up here, besides the guest room, the spare bedroom we kept for storage, and my bathroom. He really had no reason to come up stairs tonight.

He didn’t bother to knock, he just jerked my door open and I heard him walk towards the bed with unsteady steps. I could have sworn I heard him trip.

“Why-Why do you fucking have the window open?” He ripped the covers off of me and I jumped. His face was red and his eyes were glassy. Who knows how much he’d had tonight.

“I-I was drawing the tree and I forgot to close it. Sorry.” He didn’t even appear to be listening to a word I was saying.

“You are an idiot. Do you know that? An absolute repulsive, piece of-“

“I know…” I looked at the floor and he stopped speaking for a moment.

“You think you can just get out of t-trouble by agreeing with me, you shitty little-” He grabbed me by the collar of the shirt and I turned my face away, just like I was used to. Just as long as he didn’t hit me in the face, people usually wouldn’t ask questions. I felt tears stinging at my eyes, but I didn't know if it was from him gripping me so roughly, him demeaning me, or from the storm outside. His other fingers were suddenly digging into my neck and I couldn’t breathe. I struggled against him, but what good did it do? He was stronger. So much stronger.

“IT’S ALL YOU’RE FAULT!” He screamed it at me, and even through my pants and gasps for breath, I could see the raw emotion, his face going red. “SHE’S GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!” I started crying and trying to pry his hands away. I desperately wanted to breathe, but I also desperately wanted my mother back. Who knows…maybe I also desperately wanted to die. Everything started to go black and I reached desperately for his hands. The last thing I saw before darkness took me was his face of hatred and anger looming over me. Only in Trost, where dreams can be taken away from you.

I awoke on my floor, my neck searing with pain. The door to my room was open and the window was still open as well. I stood up, shakily at first, but then I regained my balance. I couldn’t take this. It was my fault. ALL MY FAULT. Fresh tears streamed down my face as I walked over to the door, then shut and locked it.

I sank down on the bed and pulled out the shoe box I kept underneath. My own little secret. My personal tool for relief. My own personal trip to hell. A sob ripped through me as I jerked off the lid. There they were. My only real friends. The only ones that were made of steel and knew my real pain. The pain that ate at me and the pain that soothed me. Inside the box were also pictures. They were deeper down, hidden from my eyes for the time being. I turned away from them, just grabbing a blade and hastily pulling up my sleeve to drag it across my arm.

A sob ripped through me and I cut. I thought about Mom, about the accident, about the stress of school, about my friends, about my fucking father. I dragged the blade across again, right next to the first cut. I shook as tears spilled over and willed the physical pain to wash through me and just take the emotional pain away. Maybe one day I’d cut too deep. Maybe one day… I shook the thought from my head and pressed just a little deeper, watching crimson run down my arm. I grabbed a tissue from my nightstand and caught the rebellious drops before they stained the comforter. Unlike my tears. I wanted to do it again, and again, and again. But something was pulling at me. Willing me away. Maybe it was Mom’s spirit telling me to stop. Not to push myself too far.

I swallowed hard as I flung the blade in the box and shoved it back under the bed. I had to get out of here. I had to clear my head. It was still raining, but it didn’t matter. I threw on a hoodie and shoved my wallet down in my pocket. I opened my door and tiptoed downstairs, making my way for the front. Dad was probably passed out anyway, but I could never be too careful. I grabbed my keys and stepped out onto the sidewalk, making my way out into the dark street, going nowhere in particular.

Levi’s POV

Thunder ripped through the store and I turned my gaze out the window. The hum of the tattoo gun paused for a moment and Erwin stared outside as well.

“It’s really coming down, huh?”

“Yeah. I don’t usually keep up with the weather anyway, so…” Erwin shrugged and went back to work. I watched him lean back over Isabel, working diligently on her shoulder. She wanted two birds, and I wasn’t about to question why, but she explained that it represented our friendship. Erwin’s eyebrow piercing gleamed in the light as he shaded in the bird on her shoulder.

“You think the rain will let up, Levi?” Isabel asked with a pout.

“Maybe.” I crossed my arms and walked to the door. “People don’t usually like to get pierced when it’s raining…”

“Cheer up, Levi.” Erwin said with a grin. “Practice some line work.” I shrugged and walked outside.

“I’m going to step outside and get some fresh air.” I stepped out onto our small porch and sat on the steps, thankful that they were covered. I was grateful for my job, don’t get me wrong, but it's rough living on minimum wage plus my piercing tips. At least the customers usually tipped well. I was happy I got to work with my best friend and he was letting me train under him, so maybe one day I could tattoo, but it was still hard making ends meet. He did let me sell drawings and paintings inside as well, but it wasn’t very often that anything sold. I sighed and ran my hand over my arm. How long had it been? Two months….maybe longer. Fuck… I was trying at least. But you can only try so hard in this hell hole called Trost. Especially on this side of town. I heard footsteps and looked up from my arm to see a kid walking down the street. He was soaked, and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere.

“Oi! Brat.” Teal eyes caught mine under the street lamp, but they were tinged red. This kid looked exhausted. How long had he been walking in the rain for. “Want to come in for a bit? Dry off?” His eyes went wide and he looked down at his feet. He was fucking trembling. Standing there in the rain and trembling. What the fuck? He raised his hands to his face and I saw his head shake. The kid was crying? FUCK. His arm was even bleeding. Did something happen!?

I ran over to him, out in the rain and stood in front of him. He was just standing there, sobbing like a baby. He was taller than me and young. Well maybe a couple of years younger than me, if you could judge by the way he dressed.

“Hey, are you alright?!” He shook his head and I was almost afraid to touch him. I heard a car coming down the road and saw the oncoming lights, although they were slow. “Let’s go inside, okay?” He gave a small nod, and I put a gentle hand on his back ushering him up onto the porch. Usually I didn’t have time for shitty brats like this, but he seemed upset and so…lost. The bell to the store chimed and Erwin looked up, his eyes going wide. The kid was dripping everywhere, soaking the floor.

“S-Sorry. So sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t apologize.”

“Hanji!” Erwin called out as he stopped the gun again. The energetic brunette appeared from the back and her head tilted. “Towels would be nice.” Erwin suggested. “Maybe some coffee.”

“Absolutely! What happened to the poor sweetie?! Walking all the way here….” She kept rambling as she disappeared into the back. He was trembling still, but I was more concerned about his injury. His fist was balled up now, arm tucked against his side. I was standing at his side looking him over. He looked like a normal teen otherwise. Brown hair, tan skin…but those teal eyes…they could melt anyone.

“Do you want to take off your jacket and-“

“N-No…” He kept staring at his feet and I frowned.

“Listen. I don’t want you bleeding all over the fucking floor. I clean this place up. Let me help you.” He bit his lip and made to turn towards the door, but I caught his shoulder. “Why are you walking around the bad side of town anyway?” Fresh tears ran down his cheeks and he wiped at his face with his hand.

“S-Sorry…I don’t mean to bother you. I’ll go.”

“Towels! I have coffee brewing in the break room.” Hanji threw a towel around him and he buried his face in his hands.

“Come on brat, I’m not letting you leave like this.”

“Wow! Levi is being really nice!” Hanji stared at me like I was an alien, but I rolled my eyes.

“Shut up, four eyes.” I led him through the tattoo shop, ignoring the puddles of water we were leaving behind. “Put up a wet floor sign, just in case,” I called after us, then had him sit down on the ancient couch in the break room. I grabbed the first aid kit from the cabinet and put it down on the coffee table, then I poured two cups of coffee, mixing it with cream and sugar. I washed my hands and joined him on the couch.

“T-Thanks.”

“No problem. Now, jacket off.” He shuddered and tried to pull it closer.

“I…umm…It’s cold.”

“No shit. The jacket is wet.” He frowned and looked down at the coffee.

“I can’t….”

“You will,” I insisted and tugged on the sleeve. “Blood is a bitch to get out of leather. And this leather is old as fuck.” He grimaced and pulled in on himself.

“Please…Please don’t.”

“Talk to me then. I don’t even know your name! I just know some kid shows up on our doorstep, soaking wet, bleeding, crying, and shaking. What do you expect me to think?” He let another sob rip through him and brought the towel around him again.

“Eren! My name is Eren. I’m sorry!” I held up my hands in protest and he flinched away. What was with this kid?

“Woah! I’m not going to hurt you. Relax. I’m Levi. Why are you wandering around downtown? It’s dangerous here at night by yourself.” Those turquoise eyes were full of pain, even I could see that. Fear. He was terrified.

“I…I had to leave home for a while. Clear my head.” I nodded and watched his movements. He was playing with the strings on his hoodie nervously.

“Okay…and the blood?” He whimpered and shook his head. “Seriously kid. It’s not some boo boo that I can just kiss and make better.” I grabbed a gauze pad and pressed it to the bottom of his hand to catch the dripping stream. “No matter what happened, it needs bandaged.” He squeezed his eyes shut and finally pulled his hoodie off. I tossed it on the floor. FUCK. He had a long sleeve shirt on underneath and it was soaked with blood.

“P-Please…don’t freak out…” He gave me a worried look and caught my hand as I reach for more gauze. “You…you’re the first person that’s cared…in a long time.” My stomach sank at the thought. Me, a complete stranger, the only one caring about this kid.

“Fuck, kid. Just calm down. I’ve seen some shit before, okay? Just relax.” I gently rolled his sleeve up and a sense of knowing washed over me. We were one and the same. Two of a kind. But this kid…this poor, lost kid with beautiful eyes was destroying himself beyond belief. He tried to pull his arm away and I kept his wrist firmly in my hand.

“I…I knew you’d-“

“Understand?”

“What?!”

“I understand.” I pressed the gauze to the deepest cut, and he shut his eyes as I did. I frowned as it took no time to soak through. “Life is fucking difficult. Sometimes it’s too much to take.” I looked straight into his eyes and tried to keep my voice calm. “And sometimes there are people that let you down. That force you into situations you can’t control, but you have to try to be strong.” I looked closely at his neck now, at the red marks that were starting to turn purple and I shook my head.

“It’s…hard. So hard…” I nodded in agreement and pressed fresh gauze against his arm. He winced and looked down.

“Sorry…” He shook his head and I sighed, before I tossed the gauze aside and rolled his sleeve back down for a moment. “Hanji!” She popped into the room a few seconds later. “Can you grab me a few gauze pads? The ones that Erwin uses on the big tattoos.”

“Sure!” She returned a few moments later and dropped several onto the table. “Levi! A customer came in and wants a nose piercing…”

“Ugh…” I looked to the soaked brunette in front of me. “Can you take care of it?”

“Sure thing!” She scampered off and I returned to the job in front of me. I rolled his sleeve back up and opened the big gauze pad, applying pressure to the whole area.

“There. Hopefully that’ll work better.” He nodded and we sat there in silence for a moment as I held onto his arm.

“Your piercings are nice…” He mumbled as he looked up at me. I smiled softly at him and peered into those turquoise eyes, so full of emotion.

“Thanks. They may be one of the reasons I’m so broke,” I joked and he actually offered a small smile.

“How many do you have?” I pulled the gauze off of his arm to check the bleeding and I was finally satisfied that it’d stopped. I offered him my other hand, which he declined as I wiped it with a cleaning solution. He cringed and I started rubbing his arm with ointment.

“Let’s see. The three in my left ear. Then the two in my right, plus my industrial…then my eyebrow. And well…that’s all that you can see.” I smirked and his face went red.

“OH…Uh-w-well okay.” I grinned and took a roll of bandages out of the kit, carefully wrapping his arm. I taped the ends of the bandages and made sure everything was secure, before letting his arm fall. “Thank you…Levi.”

“No problem.” I cleaned up the mess on the table and washed my hands, scrubbing away at my fingernails and knuckles. I opened the cabinet that I always kept my messenger bag in and rummaged through it. Sure enough there was a long sleeve shirt inside. “Here.” I tossed it to him and his eyes went wide.

“I can’t just-“

“Why not?” He paused for a moment and his head dropped.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” I walked over to him and sat back down.

“Because in this part of town, we have to help each other out to survive. It’s the only option. Plus, you look like you’ve had a rough night…” He pulled off the shirt carefully, being sure not to disturb the bandages and, after a quick swipe with the towel, he pulled my shirt on. It was just a little tight, but it was better than being soaked. “Sorry I don’t have pants,” I joked.

“It’s fine.” He sipped his coffee and I stretched out on the lumpy old couch. A loud clap of thunder shook the building and he dropped his cup, knocking it against the table and successfully shattering it on the floor. “SHIT!”

“Don’t pick up the glass!” I hissed at him and knocked his hand away. He pulled his legs up against him as I swept up the glass and wiped the coffee.

“Everything okay?!” Hanji peeked in and I nodded as I dumped the broken glass in the trashcan. She pranced off towards the front and I stood beside him.

“Sorry, I just…I don’t want to have to patch you up again.” He nodded and went to stand.

“I’ve been enough trouble. I’m sorry…” I grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

“Eren…do you have some place to go…well…other than the place you came from?” He stopped and shook his head.

“Not really…”

“Why don’t you just stay here tonight? I’ll camp out with you and-”

“I-I can’t! I’ve already imposed enough and-” I looked straight into his eyes and shook my head.

“You’re not imposing. Like I said, we help each other out here. I can give you a ride home tomorrow morning.” He was looking nervously at his feet.

“N-No…I really should go home tonight.”

“Let’s go then.”

“Aren’t you working?”

“Erwin won’t care if I leave early. We are barely getting business with the rain anyway.” We headed to the front where Erwin was sitting at his desk, chatting with Isabel and Hanji.

“There they are!” Hanji said with a smile.

“We are heading out if that’s alright with you, Erwin.”

“Sure.” I never let his appearance fool me. He may have been tatted up and had piercings, but Erwin was one of the sweetest guys I knew. “Be careful out there Levi.”

“Will do.” I grabbed my hoodie and pulled it on before I pulled my keys out of my pocket. We pretty much ran to my vehicle, the only thing I owned that was actually not in shitty shape. I jammed the keys into the ignition of the SUV, willing it to start. Eren stayed silent as he settled into his seat and pulled the seatbelt across his chest.

“You know Eren…anytime you need a place to go, I’m sure Erwin wouldn’t mind you hanging around at the shop.” He stared at his lap for a moment and nodded, before looking over at me.

“Really?”

“Sure. If you don’t mind dealing with us bullshitting around. That’s pretty much what we do all day.” He offered me a small smile and nodded again.

“Thank you…”

“Mhmm. So where do you live?” He gave me directions, step by step and eventually we ended up in an upscale neighborhood. I was surprised to say the least.

“Ugh…can you just drop me off here?”

“At the stop sign?” I raised my eyebrow and he nodded.

“Yeah…my Dad’s asleep and the car door may wake him.”

“Sure thing, kid.” He unbuckled his seat belt and hopped out of the car. At least the rain had slowed to a sprinkle. I watched him wave as he walked down the street and disappeared into a house a little ways down. I shook off the thought and turned around to drive back home, way back on the other side of town.

Something struck me about this kid. This kid that looked so heartbroken and torn. Those bruises, those cuts. They were similar to mine, obviously from self-harm. But…his looked so much worse…almost like torture. Like he was taking everything out on himself, but to a much higher degree. Although, there was no way he could have caused those bruises himself.

I continued into the bad side of town and drove past the tattoo shop. Erwin and Hanji must have gone home shortly after I did. Isabel would have to show me her finished tattoo later. I drove a short distance down the dark road, past the old factory that used to be booming back in the day and pulled into my apartment complex. I was one of the lucky ones in the area. Erwin lived above me, which I was thankful for, and an older lady who owned the flower shop next door lived below. Pretty calm and trusting neighbors to be honest. Isabel wasn’t so lucky. She had an apartment complex full of drug dealers and partiers, keeping her up at all hours of the night.

I unlocked my door and stepped inside the tiny apartment that I called home. It was nothing more than a one bedroom (If you could even consider the size of that room a legal bedroom). I threw my keys and wallet on the coffee table and sank down on the couch. I couldn’t get that kid out of my mind…

Would he be alright at home tonight? Maybe I should have gotten his number. Fuck… A knock at my door drew me from my thoughts.

“Fuck…” I walked over the short distance and looked through the peephole. “What do you want?” Hanji was grinning at me and held up a pizza box and a two liter. Like I would say no to free food.

“Erwin treated me and Isabel out to pizza! We have leftovers! And I brought you some soda.” I let her inside and locked the door behind her. She sat the box down on my breakfast bar, aka my sad replacement for an actual table, as I got two glasses from the cabinets. They were spotless. That was one thing I prided myself on. It may be a shitty hole in the wall apartment, but at least it was clean.

“Thanks short stuff!” She winked at me and downed her Dr. Pepper with a grin. I grabbed a slice of pizza, after washing my hands, and started munching on it.

“I appreciate the food.” She was leaning against the counter smiling.

“No problem! So…the kid that came in today. Sort of weird of you to act so nice towards someone, don’t you think?”

“I’m not always an asshole, Hanji…” I sipped on my own soda and rolled my eyes. “Besides, the kid was a wreck.”

“And hurt too. But you patched him up just fine!” She smirked at me and I shook my head.

“Like I was going to let him bleed out all over the fucking floor. Tch.” I nibbled on the crust.

“Sure! Whatever you say Levi! Well, I’ll leave you to your pizza. Goodnight!” She waved at me and left, locking the door behind her. Damn, glasses…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a helping hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Hope you guys like this!  
> Thank you to my beta Darkkestrel!  
> Leave me comments! Let me know what you think!

Eren’s POV

My alarm screamed at me and I groaned. At least it was Friday. I grabbed my phone and checked it. No new messages. No missed calls. Not like I expected any. Mikasa and Armin were pretty distant lately… Although Mikasa was really busy with soccer and Armin had his job at the library after school.

We needed to all get together one day, but it was hard to line up their schedules. I was always free. It’s not like anyone besides a fast food chain wanted to hire someone like me anyway. I tossed my phone aside and headed into the bathroom. I frowned at my arm as I pulled off Levi’s shirt and threw it aside. He really went heavy on the bandages. I wasn’t sure if we even had any left. I needed to restock. I showered quickly, electing to avoid getting my bandaged arm wet. I dried off and threw on some boxer briefs, my jeans, a grey long sleeve and my Sleeping With Sirens t-shirt.

I ran downstairs and dad was still there. Shit. I walked over to the toaster and popped a bagel in, waiting for it to heat up.

“Where did you go last night, Eren?” I froze as I watched the elements inside the toaster heat up and turn red.

“Uh, I went out…to get a notebook for history. We have a new chapter and-“

“In the pouring rain?” He took a step towards me and I jumped, nodding. “You just don’t think sometimes, Eren. You could have picked it up on the way this morning.” Like nothing happened last night. Asshole… I simply nodded and turned my attention back to my breakfast. “I’m heading to work. See you later.” With that, he left. I waited until I heard the car start and pull away before I slid down the cabinets and sunk to the floor. Why was he like this?! I tilted my head back and willed the tears away from my eyes. Did he really not remember? I banged my fist against the cabinet and let out a grunt.

It took me a few minutes to pull myself together, to get that crushing feeling to ease from my chest. I tossed the bagel in the trash; my appetite was gone. I walked to the stop sign at the end of the road just in time to see the bus pull away. FUCK. I put my face in my hands and screamed.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!” It was a 40 minute walk to school. There was no way I’d make it before the first bell. There was also no way I could even think to call Dad, so I began hoofing it to class. By the time I made it there, my shoes were a muddy mess and I was huffing. First period was halfway over.

“About time you showed up, Mr. Jaeger.” I just tilted my head down and walked to my seat in the back of my biology class beside Jean. The teacher started lecturing again and I popped open my notebook.

“Dude, what happened to you?” Jean stared at my messy shoes and I shrugged.

“Missed the bus.” I frowned and started to doodle in my notebook. “And maybe a rough night…”

“Fuck man…”

“MR. KIRSTEIN!” Jean directed his attention back to the front. “I will pretend like I didn’t hear that if you just shut up and listen!”

“Yes ma’am!” I heard a snicker in front of me and the brunette glanced behind his shoulder and winked at Jean.

“Shut up Marco,” he whispered. “I know you’re no angel.” Marco’s cheeks went red and he turned right around. Class went on like that and led into 2nd period. At least I had history with Armin. We had 10 minutes before the bell rang and I intended on spending those minutes staring out the window. Until fucking Jean sank down beside me again. He was never early to class, and to beat it all, Armin was right beside him.

“So what happened?”

“I told you I missed the bus.” Armin gave me a concerned look and sighed.

“You look tired Eren. Are you sure everything is okay?” Armin held his book to his chest and I nodded as I lazily sketched an owl in my notebook.

“I didn’t sleep that well last night. Maybe that’s why?”

“Maybe…” Armin frowned and Jean raised his eyebrow.

“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything, Jaeger,” Jean said with a more than friendly smile. “Even I hate to see you down, or tired, or whatever the fuck this is.” Did I really show it that bad? I nodded and thanked him. Jean was a nice guy and one of my best friends. Armin, hell I’d known him since we were in diapers pretty much. They adjusted themselves in their seats as class started and all I could do was doodle during the entire class as I learned about the Civil War. The rest of school was boring as hell with the exception of lunch and 4th period, which was my art class. My art teacher noticed something was up as well and encouraged me to complete several ‘art therapy’ lessons. I didn’t mind them; I loved anything to do with drawing or painting. It seemed like that was all I was good at.

After school let out, I checked my phone. Two missed calls from my dad. Three texts.

Mikasa: Eren, Armin wants to try to get together soon. Are you free tomorrow?

Dad: Call me ASAP

Dad: CALL NOW

 

Fuck. I stood there and watched as everyone loaded onto the bus. I didn’t want anyone to hear our conversation. I knew if I didn’t call now though, I’d be fucked later.

“Eren.”

“Hey Dad-“

“Shut up.” I closed my mouth and swallowed. Dread overwhelmed me. “You do realized that the school calls me if you are late, right?”

“Dad, I didn’t mean to be-“

“I’m talking, Eren.” I fell silent again. “I don’t want to hear any excuses. You were up and ready to go when I left this morning. You will be punished for this. There was no reason you should have missed first period.”

“But-“

“EREN!”

“Sorry!”

“I’m still trying to decide how long to ground you for. Or if that will even be enough to make you realize how important school is. You won’t get anywhere without a good education!” He growled through the phone. “You won’t get into a decent college if you can’t keep your GPA up, and attendance factors into that! Are you listening?!”

“Y-Yes!”

“Fine. I’ll deal with you tonight.” The line went dead just as the door to the bus closed. Are you fucking kidding me?

My legs hurt. Everything hurt. Maybe I wouldn’t have to walk so far if Dad hadn’t wanted me to go to such a fucking prestigious high school. I still had quite a ways to go but I stopped and leaned against a wall, scraping my arm in the process. I felt the skin stretch and cursed. I was in the bad part of town. My bus drove straight through it to get to my neighborhood every day. Levi did say I could stop by anytime, and I could just take a break. I tried to remember my way to the tattoo shop and eventually I ended up there.

I took a deep breath before I went inside. The bell on the door rang and grey eyes looked straight at me, before darting back to what he was doing. I heard a sharp inhale and then my eyes went wide. He was piercing someone’s lip. His hands were covered in white gloves and there were tools all around him.

“I just have to put the stud in. Hang on.” His voice was monotone, and I only remembered hints of it from last night. I was a wreck when he’d brought me inside. I watched the girl as she looked down at the needle in her lip and then Levi carefully dropped in the stud and pulled it through, screwing the end on. “All done.” He handed her a mirror and she smiled.

“It’s great! Thank you!”

“Sure.” He shrugged and she handed him five dollars. Her friend joined her as they exited and Levi started cleaning up the area.

 

“Welcome back.” I rubbed the back of my head and nodded.

“Thanks.” He quietly sanitized everything, some things twice, and only when he was finished did he pull off his gloves and scrub his hands. I heard the bell chime and a tall, blonde guy walked in. I quickly stepped out of the way, but he chose to stand beside me.

“Hey.” Levi nodded at him and I nervously took another step back.

“Erwin! Mike’s here!” Erwin popped out from the back and beamed at the taller man.

“What’s up?” The guy grinned and they hugged before he pulled off his shirt. “WOAH!”

“He’s been having that back piece worked on for a while. It’s coming along nicely. Mike is Erwin’s best friend,” Levi explained. Before I could catch a glimpse, his shirt was thrown back on. “So, what brings you to my neck of the woods today, Eren?”

“Uh…y-you said…I could come by…” His stoic expression softened a bit and he nodded.

“Yes, I did.” He nodded towards a couple of chairs lined up against the wall and I sat down in one, throwing my backpack in the floor. “So, what’s going on in the world of a high schooler?”

“How did you-” He pointed to the Trost High keychain on my backpack. Of course. I nodded.

“Pretty good school. Erwin and I went to South Side.” Erwin nodded as he sat down in his chair. Mike hopped up onto the table I assumed they used to lay people out for back pieces and such and stretched out.

“What are you doing over here?” Mike asked as he thumbed through his phone. “What’s a kid that goes to a good school like Trost High doing in a place like this, especially in this part of town?” My eyes dropped to the floor and my hand instinctively flew up to my arm, picking at the cuts I knew were underneath my sleeve. Under the thick bandages. Even if I could just press a little- Long fingers pressed on my hand, gently so as not to startle me, and I looked over to see a concerned expression on Levi’s face.

“Obviously it’s not something he’s comfortable talking about. How the hell did YOU end up over in this part of town, Mike?” Levi hissed. I let my fingers drop and Levi withdrew his own hand.

“Parents were on drugs. Dad sold them. Mom just did them. I haven’t been able to move out of this part of town yet.” Mike thoughtfully nodded and sighed.

“Exactly. You aren’t particularly proud of your story, don’t make the kid tell you his.” I was thankful for Levi. I didn’t want to mention anything about Dad. Not yet at least… My mind thought back to what was waiting for me at home and I closed my eyes. Hopefully I’d just be grounded. Hopefully. I leaned my head back against the wall and sighed. “Rough day?” I nodded and looked down at his boots. How tall was that heel? At least 3 inches…

“I missed the bus…twice. It’s a 40 minute walk to my house from school.”

“Damn,” Erwin said as he leaned back in his chair. “I go to the gym and I don’t even want to walk to that.” I could see the well-defined muscles in his arms underneath the layers of ink. The beautiful layers of color and artwork. I was envious.

“Erwin has some nice work, huh?” The corner of Levi’s mouth pulled up into a smirk and I nodded. “Tattoos are expensive though.”

“At least you get a discount now!” Erwin grinned and Levi shook his head.

“Still expensive as fuck. I’m not eating ramen for three months just so I can have a new piece.” I actually relaxed a bit. It was nice to hear them banter back and forth; soft conversation for once. Erwin was talking about a local artist, maybe the one that had done Mike’s back piece, and I felt myself giving in to my exhaustion. I tried to keep up with the conversation, but everything was fading.

 

 

“LE-“

“SHHH! Would you shut the fuck up?! Look, you’ve woken the brat up.” I blinked a couple of times and tilted my head up. I was warm. Why was I warm? What…was I laying on?! Levi glanced down at me and my face went bright red as I bolted upright and buried my face in my hands. I’d fallen asleep against his shoulder.

“I’M SO SORRY! I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t worry about it kid. You’ve had a week from hell.” He shrugged and I looked around the room. Where were Erwin and Mike? Hanji was staring at me like she was going to eat me. “I should probably get you home though. The shop closed half an hour ago.”

“W-WHAT?!”

“I figured if you were that tired, then I should just let you sleep for a while.” He pocketed his phone and I nodded. I was too terrified to check mine. He left locking up the shop to Hanji, and I climbed into his passenger seat again. The drive home seemed longer than usual…maybe it was just the dread?

He pulled up to the stop sign and I shook my head.

“My Dad’s still up.” I frowned and looked at my hands in my lap. “My house is there if you…if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” Levi pulled into the driveway and I stayed there for just a while longer. Just a few more seconds. “Eren. What’s your number?” I looked over at him and rambled it off. He entered it in his phone and locked the screen back. “I’ll text you later, okay? So you’ll have mine. If you ever need a ride, or anything really, just text or call me. Whichever.” I nodded silently and reached for the handle. I couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Thanks Levi.” I got to the door and opened it, knowing it’d be unlocked. I heard Levi drive away and each step I took inside made me sick further down.

 

“Eren.” Dad stood in the living room and I stood in front of him, looking at my feet. “Where the f-fuck have you been?” I could smell the whiskey on his breath.

“I…” I had to watch my words carefully. But then I decided it didn’t really matter what I said anyway. “I was with a friend. I fell asleep and lost track of time. I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit!” He grabbed ahold of my wrist and yanked me down to the floor. I winced at the grip and tears sprang to my eyes.

“I’M SORRY!” He still had a grip on my arm, painfully tight.

“You think you can just do whatever the fuck you want, Eren?! Well guess what! NO! You can’t! I-I’M the parent here!” He teetered on his feet a bit, using my arm to keep his balance. Finally, he let it go and walked towards the bookshelf we kept in the living room. “You know what I think?! I think we should see what your MOM would do!!!” I couldn’t hold back the tears as he brought up her name. I was on my hands and knees still, kneeling and too terrified to move. “OH WAIT! You haven’t forgotten what happened, have you?!” I sobbed and he thumbed through the bookshelf. “So we’ll just c-consult this shitty thing. It was hers before you were born.” I looked at the cover of the book. **A Guide to Parenting:** **From Birth to 18.** He tried to leaf through it and gave up, chucking the book at my face instead. It missed and caught my shoulder. My arms gave out and I sobbed again. “I say two weeks. No going out. No video games. No computer except for school. No TV.” I nodded furiously, just wanting to get away from him.

“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I won’t be late again.”

“You better not be!” I nodded and shot up the stairs. I locked the door behind me and I shook my head. Everything was missing. My computer was gone. My TV was gone. All I had was my cell phone charger. I sobbed and sank to the floor. Deja-vu? My arm hurt and not in the way I was used to. It was fucking throbbing. I pulled off my shirts and tossed them across the room. I looked at myself in the mirror that hung behind my door from where I sat on the floor. A huge bruise was already blooming on my shoulder and red trickled slowly from the center, where the corner of the hard cover book had hit dead on.

“Fuck…” I held my arm in front of me. Blood. Blood was dripping again from the arm Levi had so carefully bandaged. I ripped the bandages off and tossed them aside. He’d ripped open the fresh cuts, and the cherry on top? Fresh bruises on top of the cuts. I looked like shit. I felt worse though. I wasn’t bleeding out like I’d been last night at least…

I crawled towards my box, hidden carefully under my bed, and popped the lid off. I was worthless. Not worth anyone’s time. I pulled out my blade and swiped it across my right arm. It was a little awkward and I jerked when I did, not used to using my left hand. I certainly wasn’t worth Dad’s time. Armin and Mikasa would be better off without me. I swiped it again and cried. I wanted to press deeper. To just end it. I wanted to be brave and escape. To put an end to my time in the cruel world. Jean wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I cut again and just as I worked up the guts to press deeper, my phone buzzed.

**Unknown: Hey Eren. It’s Levi. Just checking in. You looked pretty down today. I know you’ve been having a rough couple of days. I don’t really know what’s going on, but I’m always here if you need an ear.**

****_Take a deep breath now, pass the shallows,_  
stay steady and hold on, through the darkness we all know.  
  
And I swear yeah I swear yeah I swear if you will,   
to hold onto life, yeah I'll hold on if you will...

**_-TAA_ **

****

**Be safe.**

 

I trembled at the text. Could he read me that well? The razorblade trembled in my fingers and I shut my eyes. I thought about the words. His words and then the lyrics he sent me. I could do this. Maybe if not for myself, then…maybe for Levi…He seemed to actually give a damn.

I sat the blade on my thigh and ignored the blood trailing down my arm. I picked up my phone and replied.

 

**To Levi: Song?**

That’s all I could manage without losing it. He replied immediately.

**Unknown: Flowerbomb- The Amity Affliction**

**They are really good. A powerful message. They’ve helped me through some tough shit.**

I crawled to my desk, sprinkling droplets of blood along the way. Who gave a fuck? Not me. I sank down by the desk and pulled out my earbuds, jamming them into my phone. I looked the song up on YouTube and guitar and drums instantly echoed through my ears. The music WAS powerful. It mirrored everything I felt.

_Well I know there's been times when I wished I would die,_  
but I swear yeah I swear oh I swear I'm past that,  
and I'll swear if you will that I will not look back,  
yeah I swear if you will that I will not look back.

I fished through the top drawer for the paper towels that I usually used when I was painting and started to put pressure on my arms. I was pretty much a bloody and bruised mess, holding myself up against my desk.

 

_Take a deep breath now, pass the shallows,_  
stay steady and hold on, through the darkness we all know.  
  
And I swear yeah I swear yeah I swear if you will,   
to hold onto life, yeah I'll hold on if you will...  
  
So on to the ocean and into the sea, so balanced and calm now, that's where I will be.  
So on to the ocean and into the sea wash away all my problems wash away memories.

I wondered if Mom was here…if things still would be this bad. I applied fresh paper towels and tossed the old ones in the pile with the bandages. If Dad would have started drinking as heavily. If he would have still… I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it.

 

_Back then - always through the shattered glass_  
I stared at my life, and oh I wished I would die,  
but I swear yeah I swear oh I swear I'm past that -   
is this all what it seems - I can't believe that I made it.

Why did everything have to go to hell? Why was I IN hell? Now I was stuck in my own personal prison for two weeks with no way out. FUCK.

 

_Take a deep breath now, pass the shallows,_  
stay steady and hold on, through the darkness we all know -  
And I swear yeah I swear yeah I swear if you will, to hold onto life,  
yeah I'll hold on if you will...

I leaned my head back and squeezed my eyes shut. I’ll just try to stay out of his way. That and keep up with my homework and chores. If I get on his good side, maybe things will get better. My muscles relaxed a little as I tried to think of a solution. Or maybe it was my body giving in to the pain and exhaustion.

 

  
_So on to the ocean and into the sea, so balanced and calm now, that's where I will be._  
So on to the ocean and into the sea wash away all my problems wash away memories.  
  
Take a deep breath now, pass the shallows,  
stay steady and hold on, through the darkness we all know.

I felt myself begin to slip again, but I tried my best to make it to the bed. Was I really that tired? I just grabbed the closest thing to me. There, in my pile of dirty laundry I’d thrown in the floor from this morning was Levi’s shirt. I balled it up and put it under my head, trying not to think about tomorrow.

_And I swear yeah I swear yeah I swear if you will,_  
to hold onto life, yeah I'll hold on if you will...  
  
So on to the ocean and into the sea, so balanced and calm now, that's where I will be.  
So on to the ocean and into the sea wash away all my problems wash away memories.

I awoke the next day to five texts and a body that felt like it’d been hit by a truck. It was still early, I could tell by the sun shining through my window. FUCK. I groaned as I flipped through the messages.

**Unknown: Do you like the band?**

**Eren?**

**Eren, are you asleep?**

**Hope everything is okay. Shoot me a text when you are up, brat.**

**Mikasa: You never let me know about plans today. Are you free?**

“FUCK!” Can I ever catch a break!? The one day both of my friends are free. Dad had mentioned yesterday that he had a 12 hour shift at the hospital, so it’d be nothing to sneak out and see them, but I really felt like shit.

**To Levi: Sorry. Passed out last night. Didn’t mean to worry you.**

**To Mikasa: Don’t think I’ll be able to. Not feeling well.**

 

My phone buzzed and I lifted my face up from the shirt underneath me.

**Levi: Hungry?**

**To Levi: I’m not really feeling that well.**

My phone buzzed back immediately, but it wasn’t a text. Levi was calling. I groaned and rolled over onto my back.

“Hello?”

“That’s not what I asked. I asked if you were hungry.” I sighed. When was the last time I ate? I’d skipped lunch at school, abandoned my bagel yesterday. Slept through dinner as well.

“Yeah…”

“I’m coming to pick you up.”

“I’m grounded.” He snorted on his end.

“And your Dad is at work. I passed his vehicle on the way to get coffee this morning.”

“You remember it?”

“Yeah. Black Mercedes SUV. Trost Medical Association sticker in the back window.”

“That’s him.” I heard a knock downstairs and sat up. “Seriously?”

“I’m serious.”

“Just…get the key from the frog by the door. I don’t care. I really don’t feel good.” I heard rustling on his end and the lock turn. I managed to open my door and return to my spot on the floor with a groan.

“You sound like shit, kid.”

“I feel like it. Up the stairs. The doors open.” He hung up and knocked gently on my door before he pushed it open the rest of the way.

“What the fuck, Eren?!” He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “You look like hell.” I didn’t move from my spot on the floor as he knelt by me. I felt… too many emotions at once to even speak. This was it. If he gave a damn, he’d stay. Here I was, on display for him to see. My arms, my bruises, my pictures of mom, my shoebox. Fucking dried blood on the floor. If not, then… I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed around the lump in my throat.

What I didn’t expect was the light thud beside me or the soft fingers in my hair.

“What happened to you, kid?” I shook my head and he frowned. I couldn’t help but wipe at my eyes, at the tears threatening. He sighed and looked me over. “Listen…let’s…let me get you cleaned up. You need to rest. Not pass out on the fucking floor.” I groaned, my entire body aching. Everything hurt. My legs hurt from walking so much yesterday. My body hurt from last night. My head hurt from crying. What didn’t hurt was the soft touch against my bare lower back, nudging me out into the hallway. I went towards the bathroom and once inside, Levi shut the door.

“I’m sorry…”

“Eren. Don’t.” He shook his head as he started running the water. “It’s okay.” His words were calming. Soothing. I didn’t really want to hear anyone else speak right now. “Can you sit up on the counter?” I nodded and did just that, resting my aching body on the counter as he went to work, cleaning my cuts and bruises. I wanted to cry. To just curl up into a ball and disappear, but that wasn’t an option.

“Everything will get better.” I looked over at him as he wiped some dried blood off my arm. “Just believe that. I promise.” He was wearing all black again. His trademark I guess. But today, instead of a plain black shirt, it was a tee of a band that I didn’t know over another black long sleeve. He dug through the medicine cabinet and frowned at what we had left. He made do, rubbing my arms down with ointment and putting Band-Aids over the deeper cuts. “There…” I expected him to treat me like one of his piercing customers, but he didn’t just push me out. “A little better, huh?” My eyes finally met his and I nodded. Grey eyes, filled with curiosity and concern. That was Levi in this moment.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“No problem.” He cleaned up quickly and washed his hands again before helping me back to my bedroom. “Sit.” He directed me to my computer chair and I sat down. I felt a little awkward, sitting there without a shirt, but he was in a serious mood. “Where are your clean sheets?”

“W-What?” I gave him a surprised look and he crossed his arms.

“Sheets. Linens? Whatever the fuck you rich people call them.”

“In the closet down the hall, but why-” He was dashing out of the room before I could stop him, returning with sheets and pillow cases. He stripped my bed and made it quickly, perfectly I might add. He turned down the covers for me and I couldn’t help but look at him in amazement.

“Go ahead and put a shirt on.” I searched through my dresser and found a baggy long sleeve that I managed to slip on without cringing. “Get in.” I gave him a strange look and he pointed to the bed. I followed his orders and my joints thanked me as I sank down into the clean covers.

“But…why?” He sat on the edge of the bed and watched me intently.

“You’d be surprised how much a clean set of sheets will help to improve your mood.” The corner of his mouth twisted up and I nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” The next thing I knew he was picking up clothes and the dirty sheets and pillow cases to take them to the hamper in the bathroom.

“You don’t have to clean.” He shrugged before he carefully picked my blade up from the floor and tossed it into the shoebox.

“You need to be more careful.”

“I know…”

“I’m serious.” I looked over at him and nodded.

“I…I wanted to…I thought I was going to…last night…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, so I just pushed my face into the pillow. I felt the bed shift and there he was again, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I-I…You…you sort of…saved me…last night…” His eyebrow arched and those fingers were in my hair again, soothing me.

“You saved yourself Eren. It was ultimately up to your strength to decide what to do…but, I’m proud of you.” I whimpered and pushed deeper into the pillow. He…he was proud?! Of me? Proud. Someone was actually… “This world isn’t so bad if we can find a reason to stick around and live for. Hmm?” I nodded and scooted a little closer to him.

“Will…will you stay awhile?” He checked his phone and nodded.

“Sure. I have to be to work at 12, but I can stay for a while before then.” He swung his legs up on the bed, right on top of the blanket. He kept combing through my messy hair, playing with the curls and letting them fall from his fingers one by one.

“Thank you…”

“Shhhh. Get some rest. I know you’re fucking exhausted.” And that I was. Whether it was from not eating, being beaten last night or from sleeping on the floor, I fell into a somewhat peaceful sleep with my face nuzzled up against Levi’s thigh. He may have still been a stranger, but he cared more than most of the people in my life.

 

 

Levi’s POV

The kid immediately dozed off against my leg. I sighed and pulled out my phone. I started flipping through Facebook to kill time, but that only took up 20 minutes or so… He was drooling on my leg. It was just past 10, so I still had two hours to kill before I went to work. I glanced over at the mess of chestnut hair that was now falling against my thigh and shook my head. I gave his head a pat and went back to my phone. This kid…he was a lot like Isabel in a way but so much more….damaged.

Maybe that’s why…why I could so freely run my fingers through his hair without a second thought and without reaching for a bottle of hand sanitizer? Or why conversation came pretty easily to me around him? I shrugged off the thought as I downloaded a book to read. Something by one of my favorite authors, Ellen Hopkins. I’d already made it through her first three books, although I’d checked them out from the library. They weren’t the online copies either.

I read for a while, sinking into the world she wrote about. The world about her daughter that was so strung out on drugs that she didn’t even realize what was going on around her. My stomach sank. I had to take a break. It happened pretty often with these books. They became too real, too fast. Too familiar. I glanced at the time and noted it was 11:30. I’d be a little early to work if I left now, but the brat seemed to be resting just fine. I scooted off the bed and he groaned as he fell into the pillows, before he started snoring again.

I found a notebook on his desk, along with a pen and scrawled out a note before leaving it on the nightstand.

 

**_Eren,_ **

**_Get some rest. You need it. I went ahead to work, didn’t want to wake you. You have my number if you need me. Call or text anytime._ **

**_Levi_ **

****

I tiptoed out of the bedroom and out of the house, being sure to lock it on the way out before heading to work. Erwin was waiting for me inside, cleaning up his work area and getting ready for the day. Hanji was offering a box of donuts but he just shook his head.

“LEVI!” She hops a little and grins. “You’re early?”

“That’s what it looks like, four eyes.” I frowned and leaned against the counter. MY counter, where all my supplies were neatly organized.

“Aww! Levi is a grump today. More than usual. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Oh wait! That’s hard for you to do because you get swallowed up right in the middle because you are so tiny!”

“Fuck you.”

“OUCH!” She winked at me and offered me an overly sweet confection. I wanted to object, but my stomach couldn’t refuse. I agreed, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser and wrapping the insanely sticky treat in it. Ugh… Gross. Just don’t think about it. I chowed down and sucked in the cup of coffee Hanji brought me. I quickly scrubbed my hands down afterwards and thought about Eren… Maybe I should have brought him something to eat. I sighed and shook my head. “What’s with the frown?” Hanji plopped down in a chair against the wall with her schedule book and I crossed my arms.

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Usually you just have your ‘I’m Levi and I don’t give a shit!’ look on your face, but that’s more of a ‘why is this happening?’ look.” I flipped her off and turned to my counter that held all of my tools and began to sanitize everything. Again. This was going to be a long ass day.

 

Eren’s POV

Did I leave the radio on? No…I don’t remember leaving it on… Why was there…pounding? I lifted my head up to see Levi’s note on the table. I grabbed it and read over it. Wait…the sun was turning my room orange…what time was it?! That pounding again…

“EREN!!!” SHIT. I stuffed the note under my pillow just before he barged in.

“Sorry! I was asleep. I haven’t been feeling well-”

“Shut the fuck up! You’re just a lazy piece of shit!” I frowned and sank lower in the covers. “You’ve been in bed all fucking day?” I nodded, reluctantly, and his eyes flashed. “Do you even KNOW how much laundry needs done? How many dishes there are? I’ve been at work for 12 fucking hours. I don’t want to cook. Get dressed with REAL clothes and make dinner. You’ve got 10 minutes to get your ass downstairs. Get to work. NOW.” He slammed the door and I winced. Everything hurt. My body. My head. My heart… I pulled Levi’s note out and re-read it. If I needed him. I sure as hell could use a mini-rant…maybe he wouldn’t mind lending an ear… I pulled out my phone and sent a quick message.

**To Levi: Dad came home and yelled. He’s an asshole sometimes… He got pissed because I slept all day, now I have to make dinner and do an assload of chores. UGH**

I got out of bed and changed into a pair of jeans. I brushed my teeth and didn’t bother fixing my hair. Oh well. He can get over it. My phone buzzed in my pocket after I washed my face.

**Levi: Tell him to go shove it. You had a rough day. Just try to get them done quickly and rest.**

**To Levi: I’ll try. What’s up at work?**

I walked downstairs and put some pasta in the water to make spaghetti. I didn’t really give a fuck what it tasted like to be honest. I made the meat sauce in another pan, as Dad sipped on a beer in the living room. Dinner didn’t take too long to make, but my whole body ached. It just didn’t want to move. I just poured a can of tomato sauce in with the meat to complete the sauce. Screw fancy recipes tonight.

“Dinner’s done,” I called from the kitchen and shut off the stove. I plated up the noodles and meat sauce and set two plates on the table. I didn’t feel like eating, but I sort of had to. It was going on two days now. I dug in to my plate and wolfed down the pasta as Dad sat and began picking at his.

“This tastes like shit.” Dad poked at the pasta and I froze. I wiped my mouth and looked up at him.

“I-I’m sorry…”

“You seriously didn’t put any fucking effort into this. Or anything you do.” I dropped my fork and let it rest on my napkin.

“I didn’t mean to-”

“You disgust me. Someone as lazy as you. At least there’s a fucking TV dinner in the freezer.” He shoved the plate across the table, successfully tipping it halfway and spilling pasta and sauce across my chest and lap.

“D-DAD!!!”

“Oops.” He said it blankly and walked to the freezer. I looked down at my shirt. At the table stained with pasta and tomato sauce. “Make sure you clean all that up when you scrub the kitchen down tonight.” I shoved my plate away from me and stormed upstairs. I felt the frustrated tears in my eyes. They spilled out as soon as I reached my room and peeled off my shirt, slipping on a clean one.

I couldn’t cut. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. I cried instead. I tried to keep my thoughts on other things and shook my head. I smelled like spaghetti and I just wanted to wash it all away. I picked up my phone and my fingers hovered over the number. I…I had to. I didn’t want to lay into my skin. He’d distract me. He’d…he’d care.

_Ring…ring…ring…ring…ring…the number you have reached-_

FUCK. I slammed my head back against my desk and let out a huff. He said if I needed him he’d be there….if…I cried harder and crawled towards my bed slowly. No one really cares, do they? People are too good to be true… I pulled out my box and my fingers were about to pull off the lid as my phone started to buzz. It was Levi.

“H-Hello?”

“Sorry. I was halfway through someone’s septum. What’s up?”

“What’s a septum?”

“That thing in between your nostrils.”

“Oh…” I sniffled and slid the box back under my bed. “Uh…are you super busy or-?”

“Nope. He was my only customer for now.”

“I…I umm…I’m feeling kind of…down and thought I’d call…but if you are busy I understand! I know you are at work and-“

“Eren. Calm down. Stop shitting your pants over it.” I immediately paused. “Erwin, I’m stepping outside for a while.” I heard a bell and a sigh. “Want to talk about it?”

“Just…a rough day.”

“Mhmm. I’ve had one or two of those before. Anything I can do?”

“Just…Just talk with me for a while? Doesn’t have to be about anything really…”

“Sure thing. Hmm…then how about we just ask a few questions about each other then?”

“Okay.”

“Favorite band?”

“I don’t really have one…I just listen to a lot of random bands. I like Sleeping with Sirens a lot… and Bring Me The Horizon. What about you?”

“Hmm…The Amity Affliction.”

“Oh, so the song you sent me wasn’t a coincidence?”

“I’m afraid not.” I smiled a little. He must really think they are special.

“My turn?”

“Go for it. Uh…hobby?”

“Shit…you would ask that…”

“I’ll go first. I like to draw. I read every now and then too.”

“Hmm…let’s see. I sketch occasionally too. I write a bit. Mostly ramble on my laptop I’d rather call it. I’m not very good at either.”

“Don’t say that! Just if you have fun with it and enjoy it! That’s what matters.”

“True. Okay. My turn. Favorite movie?”

“Nightmare Before Christmas!”

“Fuck. That’s a good one. Hmm…The Lost Boys.”

“Seriously!! HA! That’s an old one but a good one.”

“A brat like you has actually seen it?!”

“I’m not THAT young!” I heard a pounding on my door and tossed my phone on the floor.

“EREN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Dad burst into the room again and I shook my head. “Were you on the phone?!”

“N-No, I-I um…”

“You better get your ass to work like I told you!!!”

“Sorry, I came up to change, and-”

“NOW!” He stomped his foot and I flinched.

“OKAY! OKAY!” He stormed out of the room and I picked up the phone. I saw that the time was still ticking on the call. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.

“S-Sorry….I…”

“Eren…are you alright?” Levi asked calmly and I shuddered.

“I’m…I’m fine.” He sighed into the phone.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

“Dad’s an ass sometimes, but I’m okay…things have just been a little rough since…” I squeeze my eyes shut and shook my head. “I…I have to go okay? I’ll try to text you in between chores.”

“Call if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks Levi.”

“Sure.” With that the call ended and I started cleaning up the house. I finished around 5AM, finally getting the last load of laundry in the dryer. I got myself into the shower, washing the remnants of tomato sauce and dust off of me. UGH. I changed my bandages and frowned at the bruises running over my body.

When I finally got done in the bathroom, it was past 5:30. I heard Dad throwing a fit downstairs and I walked down the steps to find him making a pot of coffee in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” I frowned as I watched him angrily bite into an apple.

“I got called in. AGAIN. Another 12 hour shift. The hospital can’t find another doctor to call in this weekend?” He grimaced before he took another bite. “You’re up awfully early. Gonna DO something for a change?” I frowned as I looked around the spotless kitchen. I didn’t even bother with a reply. He poured his coffee into a travel mug and, without even saying goodbye, he was gone. I made up my mind right then and there. FUCK HIM. I’m not hanging around here today. I grabbed a bottle of apple juice and my wallet and phone, before I slipped on my shoes and headed out.

I walked to the other side of town. To the familiar tattoo shop…only to find it fucking closed. What the hell was I thinking?! It was 6 AM…PLUS it’s a Sunday. Not like it’d be open anyway. I pulled my phone out and sighed as I called the number.

“H-Hello?” Shit…I knew he’d be asleep.

“Hey…”

“Eren? Oi…what time is it?”

“Six…sorry to wake you up…I’m at the shop like an idiot and-”

“It’s Sunday. But hang on. Let me grab some shoes. I’ll be there in a few.” The phone clicked off and I sighed as I leaned back on the steps. Levi pulled up just a few minutes later.

“Get in.” He called out through his window and I hopped in. He was in a long sleeve black shirt and red plaid pajama pants. His hair was a mess. “I don’t get up at 6AM for anyone.”

“Thank you…” He turned around and we drove in the direction he came from.

“No problem. We are going back to my place if that’s okay. It’s a shitty run-down apartment, but it’s home.” He shrugged before we pulled into his parking spot. Wow…he was right. The ladder hanging off the fire escape was barely dangling, rusted away from years of disrepair. There were a few cats sitting around and they surprisingly walked up to us as we made our way to the door.

“The cats belong to the lady downstairs. Well…I’m assuming. Either that or she just feeds all of the strays and they happen to be friendly.” Levi scratched a chubby black cat behind the ear before we walked into the building. “Erwin lives on the top floor. I’ve got the middle.” We climbed the stairs together. My bones were aching. My stomach was growling. My head was spinning. “The black cat is my favorite, he…Eren…” I felt myself stumble on the last few steps and I reached blindly for the raven in front of me. His fingers gripped around my wrist and jerked me forward. I felt a sharp tug and everything went blurry as I fell against him. “Eren. Eren!” My eyes focused. I looked up into intense grey and I shook my head and whimpered. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He tugged me inside somehow, and then I was being shoved down onto something soft.

“…eat today? Water…EREN!” He tapped my chin and I looked at him.

“Huh?”

“When did you last eat?” He looked at me cautiously as he felt my forehead.

“Uh…a few days ago…I’ve haven’t been… feeling well and-“

“DAYS?!” His mouth dropped open and I squeezed mine shut. “Fuck…I’m sorry…” His hand was on my shoulder now. “Just…just rest here. I’m fucking cooking you something.” I nodded and my head spun again. I heard pots and pans rattling around in the kitchen…I guess it was the kitchen. I was faced away from it. A moment later he brought me a glass of ice water. “Just sip it slowly.” I did as I was told, sipping it as he cooked and my stomach lurched. I felt like I was going to puke. I held my head and willed the spinning to stop.

“Here. Here.” He knelt in front of me with a bowl placed on top of a plate. “I wanted to heat something quick so Campbell’s made it for me.” He offered me a small smile, and I would have laughed if I didn’t feel like I was close to spilling the lining of my stomach on his floor. I just whimpered and felt those skinny fingers on my chin again. “Hey. Try a cracker.” He was still kneeling in front of me, the plate balanced on my knees, and holding a cracker in his fingers. He pressed it to my lips and I bit down, trying not to puke at the sudden feeling of something in my mouth. What was the big time difference from yesterday and today? “That’s it. Little bites.” I finished off the cracker and tried some more water. I eventually made it through my soup and a few more crackers. I was so tired. I felt like shit to be honest. Levi set the plate aside and brushed the crumbs off of my shirt. “There.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch something. I just wanted to… I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. “You look tired.”

“H-Haven’t slept since you were over.” His eyes went wide.

“You didn’t sleep last night?”

“I was up cleaning.”

“Fuck. Come on then.” I frowned at him.

“Wh-What?”

“Sleep. I could use a few more hours myself.”

“I-IN YOUR BED? No…I can sleep here.”

“No. You are exhausted. I can sleep on the couch if that’s better.”

“No! I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed!”

“Then-” He tugged me off of the couch and towards his room. I could see the apartment better now. Pieces of drywall were crumbling. A window was cracked. The paint was peeling. The carpet was old. But everything was immaculately clean. His bedroom was the same. His bed was nothing more than a couple of mattresses on the floor, but his sheets and blankets were nice. They looked impossibly clean. The pillows actually looked refreshingly fluffy. I took the right side of the bed, sliding in with my clothes on and he did the same, except he was still in his pajamas. The only light in the room was coming through the crack in the dark drapes on the window. It was perfect.

“Sleep tight.” I nodded as he pulled the covers up over us. We were so far apart, but I couldn’t help but take in the smell of him. His light cologne that had soaked into the mattress. The smell of his fabric softener. Everything washing around me helped to comfort me and aided me in dozing off quickly.

 

 

 

                               

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Darkkestrel!!!
> 
> Leave me comments!

Eren’s POV

I awoke around noon. At least that’s what the blue numbers on Levi’s clock said in his bedroom. The shower was running in the bathroom adjacent to the room, so I just stayed put for a while. He emerged a little while later, dressed in a band tee, a red plaid over shirt, and black jeans.

“Finally up?” I nodded and sat up, trying not to think about anything that happened the last few days. I just wanted to run away, but that wasn’t even an option. My stomach growled obnoxiously loud and Levi raised an eyebrow at me. “Hungry, too?” I nodded and he moved to stand by the bed.

“Yeah, kind of…”

“Well, lucky for us, Hanji invited us over for pizza at her place.”

“Really?” Levi nodded and I sat up to stretch. Everything still hurt. My joints even ached. He nodded and I tried to pull myself out of bed. Why did everything hurt? Why… Why was I so… The room spun around me and I heard panicked footsteps rushing towards me. Warmth. Warm arms around me, slowly…slowly easing me down. My name? He was saying….then darkness.

 

Levi’s POV

FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck. What just happened!? Eren was lying on my floor by the bed. He looked fine. Tired, sure, but… I ran my fingers through my hair and tugged in frustration. WHO?! Who should I call? 9-1-1?! No. In any situation this looked bad. An underage kid slumped over at the side of my bed on the bad side of town. Tch. I dialed Hanji’s number quickly.

“Short stuff! I was just-“

“Get your ass over here! Eren passed out! I don’t know what to do!”

“Okay, okay! Calm down! Is he breathing?” I looked at the brunette in front of me, I couldn’t tell. My heart was about to rip out of my chest.

“I-I can’t tell!”

“Calm down, Levi!”

“Fuck…” I took a deep breath and shook my head. This…This hasn’t happened since-

“Check his pulse.” I couldn’t feel anything from his wrist, probably because my hands were shaking so badly, so I kneeled over him and felt his neck.

“H-He’s got a pulse.” I felt a warm breath ghost out of his mouth as well and a sigh escaped my lips. “And he’s breathing. Oh thank god…”

“Okay, I need you to listen to me. Take off any tight clothes. Loosen any belts or tight necklaces and raise his legs up above his heart.” I swallowed hard and loosened the belt that was looped through his jeans. I lifted his legs up and after a few long seconds, his eyes were fluttering open.

“OH, oh my gosh. He’s awake.”

“Listen. I’m on my way! Stay put.” I soon heard my front door slip open, being easily unlocked by her spare key, and she ran into the bedroom, tossing her purse to the side.

“You scared the shit out of me, Eren,” I growled and he frowned before looking away from me.

“OOOH! My little cutie pie! What on Earth happened to you!?” He sat up and shook his head.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m fine, really.”

“No! You aren’t!” Hanji frowned as she looked him over and we managed to get him up and onto the bed. He was looking tired again and I just couldn’t watch this. I had a feeling I knew what was up. I just…I let out a huff and stormed outside without grabbing my jacket.

I leaned against the railing of the steps as I took a drag off the clove cigarettes I’d snatched from the counter. I didn’t smoke often, just when I was pissed off or stressed and this was one of those times. How had a kid wormed his way into my feelings like that? I was concerned about his well-being. I rolled my eyes at myself and scuffed my boot along the cement step. I was a fucking idiot. I always let my emotions get involved and that’s how I end up in the shittiest situations.

I blew a puff of smoke out into the landing and shook my head. And it’s not like he was a normal kid either. He was broken. Self-destructive. He was a mess, just like me. We were two storms, ready to crash together and wreck each other. That’s all that would come of this. Hurt and pain. Destroyed lives. Destroyed friendships. A lost hope. I threw my cigarette onto the step and stomped it out with my boot.

I didn’t have time for this. I didn’t have time to babysit some kid who didn’t give a shit about hurting himself. About all the possibilities he had in life. He was rich, he was provided with the good things in life. You could tell just by looking at his clothes and his house. He never had to scrape by for a meal. He never had to pick up aluminum cans to scrape enough money together to buy a case of ramen to get through the week. Tch.

“Levi!” Hanji burst through the door and walked down the couple of steps to me. “The poor cutie is anemic. Well, from what I can tell. I haven’t finished all of my classes yet, but-” She started rambling on about blood cells and disorders and I just stared at her, disinterested. Sure, Hanji worked at the shop most days, but she also took nursing classes. It was her dream. Anything to do with science and the medical field. She’d wanted to be a doctor once, but she quickly realized how expensive it was. “Levi! Are you listening?” I blinked and nodded.

“So, is he going to be okay?”

“From what I can tell. He needs rest. And he needs to eat. Something high in iron preferably.”

“So, meat?”

“Yes. Pretty much.” FUCK. I fished a twenty out of my wallet and handed it to her.

“Go get him what he needs to eat. You can order it or I’ll cook it. Whichever.”

“Okay!” She smiled and ran in to grab her purse before scurrying off. There goes cable for this month… I shook off the thought and made the brat a glass of ice water before carrying it in there to him. He was already dozing off, but I was sure to set it down with a nice loud thud.

“AGH.”

“Wake up.” I shot him a glare and he frowned at me.

“I’m sorry-“

“You’ve nearly bled yourself to death. Are you happy?” Hurt showed in his eyes and he shook his head. “Well, I’m not very happy either. When’s the last time you cut?”

“T-The night before you came over. I swear.” His eyes looked pleading, and he sank back into the pillows. “I’m sorry that I passed out. I didn’t mean to-“

“You…” I rubbed my face with my hands and let out a frustrated sigh. “You have to understand!”

“Understand what?!” He screamed it this time. “I don’t need YOU telling me that I’m a fucking failure too!” He jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I heard it lock and I cursed.

“EREN! Fuck…” I was just great with words…

“Leave me alone!” He was desperately screaming it from the other side. I’d fucked up. Bad. “You don’t understand! You could NEVER understand!” I heard the water turn on and I tried the knob again.

“Open up! Let me try! I’m shit with words, but I’ll fucking try!” I knocked on the door again and I heard sobbing coming from the bathroom. FUCK. No. No. “EREN!! LISTEN TO ME! I UNDERSTAND! I’ve been through some shit! Some hard times, and it fucking hurts! Let me talk with you! I promise I won’t yell, or judge. PLEASE!!!” More sobbing. FUCK. FUCK. “EREN!” So many things were running through my head. Thoughts that I’d thought a million times over under pressure. “EREN! I’m coming in! 1-2-3! I slammed my boot into the door and with a crash it splintered. He was kneeling over the bathtub, shirtless with a smashed disposable razorblade on the floor. I only saw one cut. FUCK. I made it in time.

I ran over to him and kicked the blade out of the way. I kneeled right down beside him and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug.

“Listen to me! It’s NOT worth it,” I whispered into those messy brown locks that were wet with tears. “This world can be great. We just have to find our happiness. I promise it’s possible. I promise.” He let out a heart wrenching sob as he clung to me and I let him. I just sat there on the cold tile floor, holding him for a while as he held onto me and cried. Cried because the world as he knew it was cruel.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered it, voice raw from crying and I shook my head. “I know I’m weak. I run away from my problems…I just…I don’t…” He sniffled and I hugged him again. Fuck. Since when do I hug? This kid was doing a great job of breaking me of my old habits…

“Don’t apologize,” I said calmly, in a soothing tone to not upset him. “It’s hard to not run. It’s so fucking hard to not…” I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned back to look at those red, wet, turquoise eyes, so filled with hurt. I took a deep breath before I continued. “To not…cover up the emotional pain with physical pain. Believe me. I KNOW.” His eyes went wide and I nodded. “But I’m trying. WE have to try. We can get through this.” A few more tears leaked out of his eyes and he nodded. “Just try to be strong. And always remember I’m here…” I gave his shoulder a pat and he whispered a thank you to me. “And I’ll try my best to not be a complete asshole…” This earned me a little laugh. I helped him up and emptied the tub, before cleaning the jagged cut on his arm.

“Boys! I’m hooome-” I slammed the bathroom door in Hanji’s face before she could peek in on us. Eren blinked a few times, before letting out a relieved sigh.

“Be out in a minute!” I finished wrapping up Eren’s arm and he threw his long sleeve shirt back on, before following me out into the living room.

“Why is the baby up?! You need to rest!!!” Eren was ushered to my sad excuse for a couch and he was pushed down into it. I sighed and got myself a glass of water.

“Okay! So I have friends that work at the steak house across town, so they hooked me up with their discount!” Hanji said as she held up the bags with a triumphant smile on her face. “So steak all around.” My eyes went wide as she sat the box down in front of Eren. “And here’s yours Levi!” Steak. Meat. Wow. I walked over and sat beside him and opened my box. WOW. Steak, mashed potatoes, a roll and green beans. When was the last time I’d had steak?! Hanji plopped down beside me and cracked open a bottle of water.

“Thank you.” Eren said with a shy smile. “I don’t mean to be so much trouble today.” I ruffled his hair, before I poured sanitizer onto my hands.

“Don’t mention it, brat. I guess…you aren’t so bad.” I ate my steak and WOAH. This was amazing. I almost cried it was so good. How long had I been eating ramen and cans of soup?

Eren nibbled at his food, carefully taking small bites. Oh yeah…

“How are you feeling?” He looked a bit pale, but not nauseous like before.

“I’m okay.” He kept eating, little bites at a time and before I knew it, dinner was finished and the containers were tossed in the trash. Eren had pretty much eaten and dozed off against me, but I woke him up after a mind-numbing conversation with Hanji about her latest nursing class and about the variety of STDs and their colors. EWW.

“Hmm…”

“Eren, when do you need to be back?”

“Oh…5:30. Dad gets off at 6.”

“SHIT!” I cursed and bolted up from the couch. It was 5:50. “Hurry!” He scrambled to throw his shoes on, before we ran to the car. Hanji could let herself out. He hopped in the car and it was 5 til 6. SHIT. Shit. Shit! I sped out of the parking lot and into traffic, rushing to Eren’s neighborhood. He was playing with the ends of his long sleeve shirt as we drove, until we hit the familiar stop sign and he froze. FUCK. His eyes shut for a moment and I saw him scratch nervously at his wrist.

“Listen to me, Jaeger.” His eyes met mine and I gently pushed his hand away from his wrist. “You have my number. If you need me-”

“I’ll call if I need you. He’ll be a little pissed that I went out but I’ll say I was studying or something.” I frowned a little and nodded.

“Okay. Be careful.” He nodded and thanked me for the ride before walking to his house. You could say I have an intuition when it comes to bad situations. Some may call it a good thing, others may call it downright idiotic, but whatever the case, I decided to stick around. I parked my SUV a house down behind a few vehicles, waiting. Just in case my gut instincts were right.

Maybe we wouldn’t clash…who knew? Maybe, for once, it wouldn’t take opposites to attract. Maybe I could lead this kid out of the darkness that had taken ahold of him. He needed something to cling to. Something to depend on. I sighed as I shut off my car and rolled the windows down. Maybe…Maybe I could be there for this poor kid. This poor kid who would run from the perfect house, in the perfect neighborhood, looking for…who knows what he was looking for that day? I leaned my head back against the seat and hoped that maybe once, his asshole of a day would just lay off him and let him chill out for the rest of the night.

 

Eren’s POV

I opened the door quietly, hoping and praying that I’d go unnoticed. I tiptoed towards the stairs, only to be greeted by Dad blocking them.

“Welcome home, son.” I winced at his tone and my eyes dropped to the floor. “What? Nothing to say? I’m surprised to see that you were out so late, seeing as you were GROUNDED.” His hand caught my face faster than I could retort a response and I stumbled backwards.

“I-I was study-“

“Don’t give me that shit. We both know you weren’t.” I felt my hot cheek and winced as he got close again. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. It was strong. He’d already had quite a bit, judging by the glassy look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry Dad, I-” Another slap, harder this time. I felt my head spin and I leaned against the wall.

“Gonna try to convince me you were with Mikasa and Armin? I already called. Nowhere to be found, you lying little piece of shit.” Tears welled up in my eyes as he elbowed me in the ribs and I fell down. “Not that you could actually get a GIRL like Mikasa to hang around you anyway! You are a disgrace!” That’s when I heard it. He unbuckled his belt and I tried my best to back away. To bolt towards the living room but he caught me by the hair and pushed me against the wall. Before I could comprehend it, leather was striking my back and I screamed. I fucking screamed. I could take a lot of what he had to give, but not that damn belt. I tried to crawl away, but he jerked me back by my own belt and lifted the back of my shirt up, laying into bare skin. Another cry and I fell away, onto my searing back. He stood over me, striking my front instead and NEVER in my life had I thought he would EVER do that. I cried and screamed for him to stop, but he kept delivering blow after blow. He even stumbled as the alcohol started drifting through him and struck the side of my face. I covered my eye just in the nick of time, but I could feel a blinding pain across my brow and my chest.

“PLEASE!!! PLEASE STOP!!!” I begged and begged and that’s when I heard the pounding. I was lying at his feet, trying to curl up away from the pain, but he merely stumbled a little, completely ignoring the door to strike me again. “Holy-AGH,” I cried. Tears were running down into my hair. How much did he drink? I had no clue. I was sobbing at his feet. The door flew open and I looked up to see a familiar raven, grey eyes focused on the man I used to know as my dad as he stood above me. Then his eyes fell on me. Shit. Oh my god, NO. I cried even louder. No one. No one was supposed to know about this.

“Le-Levi!” I sobbed his name out and Dad went to raise the belt against me again.

“Shut up, you piece of trash! Did I say you could talk-” Levi caught the belt mid swing and ripped it out of Dad’s hand, tossing it into the kitchen. I couldn’t breathe. This was too much.

“Don’t talk to Eren like that!” He hissed back at my dad and I saw Dad’s eyes narrow as he reached towards Levi. “DO YOU EVEN SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO HIM?! You’ve fucking destroyed him! You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. I don’t even consider you a human. Go rot in hell!” He screamed at my dad. Hearing Levi, a man who was always calm and collected, scream made a shiver run through me and I couldn’t’ help but let out another sob.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” He was trying to start a fight with Levi and Levi just flipped him off.

“You wish you could fight me old man. Try it again when you aren’t so piss drunk you can barely stand!” Dad was pissed now and tried to swing at Levi. All Levi did was hook his arm around his back and yank him down towards the steps. “DO YOU WANT TO BE ARRESTED?! CHOOSE NOW! I’LL HAVE YOUR ASS IN JAIL IN A HEARTBEAT!” He shoved him down against the steps with a thud and Dad glared at him.

“I-I’ll kick your ass.”

“Sure you will. Bastard.” The pain. It just wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t…I couldn’t wish it away no matter how hard I tried. “Come on Eren.” I screamed as he threw my shoulder around him and lifted me up to my feet. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” I felt my shirt fall back down into place and I hissed in pain. No. NO. I couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t shake away these emotions, this hurt. I was crushed. I couldn’t breathe. “Easy. Easy now. Walk. One step at a time.” I tried walking forward, but my legs were like jelly. I heard Dad scream something behind me, but I couldn’t hear. Everything he was screaming was being drowned out by Levi’s soothing tone. All I could do was try to take one more step. Cry and take another step. I was having a hard time blinking with my right eye. Something sticky was on my face. My knees buckled as we reached the sidewalk and I cried even harder.

“DON’T F-FUCKING COME BACK! Piece of shit!!!” He slammed the door and I sobbed. Where was I going to go? I had nowhere… Maybe I could stay with Armin for a while. I couldn’t even figure that out, let alone how to breathe.

“Just a few more steps. You can do it.” Levi urged me and I nodded, somehow managing to get myself upright with his help. “That’s it. Walk. One. Two. Three.” We were going through my backyard and I could see his vehicle parked to the side. I was in the passenger seat before I knew it, the pressure from the chair aggravating all of my welts.

“I’m SO sorry.” That’s all I could say before I leaned forward so far that my face was almost touching my knees.

“Eren. Are you fucking kidding me right now?! That asshole just...” I looked through my tears at Levi’s disbelieving eyes and he shook his head.

“I’m not worth saving!!!” I screamed it and sobbed even harder. He frowned and unbuckled his seatbelt. Both of his hands cupped my cheeks and he made me look straight at him.

“You. Are. Worth. It.” He said it sharply and looked straight into my eyes, making more tears leak out. “And I don’t know everything that asshole has ever done or said to you, but you are fucking worth it! You are worth saving! You deserve happiness. You deserve smiles. You deserve good days. You. Are. Not. Trash.” I let out another sob as he let go of my cheeks and he put a hand on my shoulder. “Do you understand me, Eren? You are going to get through this! And I’m going to help you.” I nodded. It was all I could do, aside from crying my eyes out, and I felt empty when Levi’s hand left my shoulder.

We sped off. Away from the well-lit neighborhood. Away from my house full of memories. Away from my Dad, who screamed at me every day and called me a piece of trash. We drove until we entered the city. To a place where I was determined to not go into. A hospital.

“P-Please no.” Levi shook his head and shut off the car.

“Listen to me,” he said as he opened the car door and helped me out. “You look like shit. No offense, but I’m scared for you right now. You are bleeding, Eren. And with the anemia…” I swallowed hard and leaned against Levi.

“A-Alright.” He lugged me into the emergency room and I was called almost immediately.

“Sir, are you family or-“

“Like I’m going to sit out here with these bunch of puking, bleeding drug addicts. NO. I’m his friend and I’m going back. Fuck your policies.”

“Oh…uh…okay…” She led us to a curtained off section towards the back and he helped me up onto the exam bed. I hissed from the pain aching through me.

“Shhh…I know.” He eased my head down against him a little and started rubbing my scalp. It was calming and I felt my eyelids drooping. He was surprisingly gentle for looking so…harsh. He was always wearing black or some form of a dark color. And heavy eyeliner, not that it did any good to cover up any of his dark circles. And his piercings just…made him look like a rebel. But the way he was acting seemed like the exact opposite of his appearance. A nurse came in a few moments later.

“Okay sweetie. So what happened?” I frowned and looked at Levi.

“Someone beat him up pretty bad.” Levi shook his head.

“Are you still a minor?” I felt tears stinging at my eyes again and nodded my head. “We are going to have to fill out some paperwork. Was it a parent?” I managed to nod again and before I knew it, people were bustling around us. I was trying to fill out paper work, with Levi’s help, but it just turned into Levi filling most of it out as he asked me questions.

A nurse came in and tossed a hospital gown on the bed next to me along with a blanket. I sighed as she walked away. I didn’t want to move, let alone take everything off. I dropped my head down and buried my face in my hands. I was so exhausted. And hurting and…ugh…

“Do you need me to help?” Levi asked as he walked over and stood in front of me. I turned, blushing, but nodded. It just hurt to move. It hurt to even take little breaths. “Okay. Arms up.” He quickly peeled my shirt off and I couldn’t help but hiss and fall forward against him as he did. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Jesus Eren…” Fresh tears were spilling out and my head was buried against his chest. Those fingers were brushing through my hair again, softly soothing me. “The gown seems pretty loose at least.” I wiped my face on my arm and he slipped the gown over my front, before I worked my belt buckle and zipper loose. I let him tug my pants down and thankfully the gown fell in place to cover my boxer briefs. “There. We can leave the back open.” I nodded and looked at the bed. I wanted to lie down so badly but… I shook that thought away. It would be too painful. He pulled the blanket over my lap and I stretched it over my arms.

“Here.” Levi jumped up on the small bed beside me and held his arm out. “You look fucking exhausted.” I wiped at my eyes again, before he stretched and handed me a box of tissues. I blew my nose and wiped my tears away. Blood. My face was bloody?! I shakily tossed the tissues in the trash and leaned into his outstretched arm. I could relax a little like this at least. My back and my front weren’t touching anything. I sniffled and shut my eyes again, trying to relax for a moment.

“Alright! So who’s the patient here?” The doctor joked and I lifted up my weary head. “Oh my, let’s get you cleaned up and see what we need to do, huh?” I nodded as she looked me over. “You look pretty pale.” She felt my hands and raised her eyebrow. “Are your hands always icy, sweetie?” I simply shook my head and she frowned. “Tracy, what was his pulse? Oh, wow…okay. I need a panel done.” I watched, lazily leaning against Levi, as the nurse read over my chart and looked me over. “Go ahead and drop the gown down as well as the blanket.” I leaned up and blushed, averting my gaze. The blanket was the only thing covering my arms. I shot Levi a glance and he gave me a knowing smile before brushing through my hair again. He knew. He knew how humiliating it was for others to know.

I let the blanket fall and the nurse let out a little gasp. I closed my eyes and got ready for the comments. Levi’s hand stayed steady, brushing through my hair. It was soothing in my world that consisted of so much pain right now.

“Oh my sweetie. Who did this to you?!” I shook my head and felt another tear slip loose. “On your back too?” I simply nodded and my arms fell in my lap. I was picking at the gauze wrapped around my wrist, but I felt a warm hand wrap around my own.

“It’s alright.” His voice again. So soothing and calm. I clung to his hand and nodded. “You’re safe.”

“We are going to do some bloodwork and probably put you on some fluids for a little while. You look pretty pale.” I nodded and gave Levi’s hand a squeeze as they started cleaning the welts and gashes across my front. After I’d had my blood taken and popped two pills, they switched to my back. Levi held my hand the entire time, never once complaining. I started to feel woozy, nearly falling off the table once. He caught me though and leaned me against the wall.

“Okay. Is his back done?” The nurse nodded as the doctor walked back in. “He came back anemic. Blood results are showing his red blood cells are pretty low, so we are going to give him some blood and some fluids.” I nodded and Levi starting asking a few questions. Questions that turned into muted noise from whatever it was they gave me. “Eren, we are going to start you on an IV and then finish cleaning you up. Sound good?” I just nodded, not really knowing what the fuck this person was saying to me. I just knew Levi was still here because I could still hear that familiar tone and feel his hand.

“Eren, hold still,” Levi ordered as he rubbed my hand.

“Kay.” I grunted as the needle went into my hand, the only place they could manage to find a spot I hadn’t torn open.

“Good job.” I felt cold fluid rush into me and I couldn’t help but squirm. Everything felt weird. My eyes fluttered open and I saw the two bags hanging next to each other. One bright red and the other clear. One nurse was holding my arm and cutting through my bandages with scissors, while Levi watched with a frown. They wiped and scrubbed my arms down and all I could do was sit there and hold onto Levi’s hand. Try to hold on and bear through it. The ointment they put on before they re-wrapped my arms felt nice at least, but it was still torture.

My forehead was the last to get attention. A nurse had been applying pressure to it for quite some time, but I don’t think she could get the bleeding to stop.

“He’s going to need stitches. Across his chest as well.” I cursed and tried to grin and bear it but it fucking hurt. Whatever they’d given me had worn off, and all I could do was claw at Levi’s hand as he tried to calm me with words and promises that tomorrow would be better. Somehow, I made it through the stitches and the cleaning and the IVs. By some miracle, I was released.

I clung to Levi as we walked outside. Hanji was waiting for us by the door in her car and I looked at Levi curiously. How long had we been here? It was daylight…

“Are you gonna leave your car?”

“I’ll come back and get it later. It’s fine.” He slid into the back seat with me and buckled me into place.

“So, what’s the plan short man?!” Hanji asked with a smile.

“Uh, are you hungry Eren?” I was a little. Maybe just for something small.

“A little.”

“Just hit McDonald’s, I guess. Then drop by the house. I’ll change and we can head to the shop. Sound okay, Eren?” I nodded and leaned against his shoulder again. I handed Hanji my debit card as we rolled up to the intercom.

“It’s the least I can do, until Dad freezes it…” Levi ruffled my hair and a small smile appeared on his lips. We ate on the way home, Hanji not caring about crumbs in her car, and Levi ran inside to get dressed for work. He said it would just take a minute and he didn’t want me going up and down unnecessary steps. It only took him 10 minutes to get ready and, when he came out, he looked refreshed. He had a wet head, fresh eyeliner and a new all-black outfit, as well as a clean shirt and a large hoodie in his arms.

“You can change once we get to the shop.” I nodded and looked at the items in his hands. I was so thankful he thought to bring them down. I felt gross with yesterday’s shirt on. There were holes in it and I just wanted to trash it to be honest. “Hanji, would you drop by the pharmacy. There are a few things we need to get.”

“Good morning guys-Woah…” Levi waved at Erwin and tugged me immediately to the back. He helped me change into the shirt and hoodie and sat me down on the old couch in the lounge. I eyed the bag in his hands as he pulled out a bottle of pills, popping the childproof lid open.

“Here. Two of these every four hours.” He grabbed me a bottle of water out of their mini fridge and I swallowed the pills. “It’s for pain, so hopefully it’ll dull everything at least.” I nodded and glanced at the other bottle. “That one is for tonight. The ER doctor suggested it…” I frowned and he turned the bottle in his hands. “For depression and anxiety.”

“Oh…”

“I take them, you know…” I looked up into his grey eyes as he bagged everything up and sat it on the coffee table. “They do help. I see a therapist as well.” Levi. The king of goth n’ roll, goes to therapy? “So, you don’t need to feel weird about it.” He shrugged and stood up before walking to the cabinet. He pulled out a throw blanket and laid it across my lap. “I know it hurts to lie down but, maybe once the medicine kicks in, you might be able to rest. I’ll try to pop back in here every now and then to check on you, okay?”

“Thanks, Levi. I really mean it.”

“No problem.” He smiled at me and ruffled my hair again, before heading out towards the front. I hadn’t intended on sleeping. Not at all. Not as all my memories from last night rushed back and I began silently crying. I pulled the blanket up to my face to cover it up and then…then I smelled his laundry detergent. And just a hint of his cologne. And maybe my medicine kicked in then, because I did shut my eyes and I fell into a peaceful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to my beta darkkestrel!

Levi’s POV

Hanji was bouncing back and forth. Seriously. How could someone have so much energy?

“He’s asleep. AWWW! He’s sooo cute! Levi go look.”

“No.” I stood there and cleaned my tools, shining them as usual, while waiting for a customer to walk in. I needed tip money; maybe I could make that $20 back and pay my cable bill…

“But Levi!”

“No.”

“So is he going to be staying with you?!” I rolled my eyes and gave her a death glare.

“Will you shut up?”

“LEVI!!”

“It is pretty interesting,” Erwin admitted as he leaned against the wall. “You don’t EVER make friends. Well, aside from us.” I grimaced and kept cleaning the equipment.

“The kid needs someone to help him. He’s got it rough.”

“He lives in the suburbs in the good part of town, Levi!” Erwin said with a laugh.

“Just because someone lives on the good side of town, doesn’t mean they have a great quality of life!” I hissed. I dropped my cleaner onto the floor and quickly picked it back up. “I…I like Eren. He’s a nice guy. And YES. He’s my friend. So drop it.”

“WAIT!” Hanji said with a wild smile. “Like him, or _like him_ like him?”

“What is this?! Grade school? He’s hot, okay? But we are JUST friends. That’s it. Leave it!” I turned my back on the conversation just as a customer walked in. Finally….

 

After my customer left, I went and checked on Eren. He was burrowed under the blanket on the beat up couch, a frown etched onto his face. I sighed as I leaned against the door frame. What was with this kid? Why…Why did I feel so fucking protective over him? It pissed me off to no end that his dad had hurt him like that. Eren had so much potential and that man had crushed it. I crossed my arms and stared at him. At those brows knit so closely together in frustration. His beautiful eyes were closed…beautiful…wait. I shut my own eyes for a moment and massaged my temple. Today had been stressful enough. My top priority was getting him back to peak health.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Erwin smiling at me. I frowned at him and pushed away from the wall, walking back towards the front.

“He’s sleeping well, at least.”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to the poor kid? He looks like he’s been hit by a car.” Erwin leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. I just shook my head and started cleaning my tools again. “You’ve already cleaned them twice Levi. Talk to us.”

“Yeah! I came and picked you two up and I don’t even know what happened to the little cutie.” I sent a glare in their direction and halted my cleaning.

“Just leave it for now. Let Eren tell you when he’s ready, but right now isn’t the time. It’s not something for me to tell you.” I set my newly cleaned clamps aside and sat down in a chair, sighing as I did. I had way too much on my mind. I was too tired for this shit. I needed sleep. I needed to get Eren home to a decent bed. I rubbed my face and looked down at my hands, streaks of eyeliner running across my palms. “Fuck.”

“If you say so.” Hanji sat down next to me and patted my back. I heard the bell ring, and a red-headed, little ball of energy bounced in. I sprung up from my seat before she could yell and start her bouncing again and put my hand over her mouth.

“Isabel, there’s someone in the back sleeping. Got it?” She blinked once and nodded.

“MHMM.”

“He’s VERY tired and needs rest. So you’ll be nice and quiet for Big Bro, right?”

“MMMMHMMM.” I felt her lips vibrate against my palm and I couldn’t help but grin. Isabel always made me smile, no matter how shitty my day was. I let my hand fall down and hugged her tightly and she let out a soft, happy hum and returned the hug.

“Aniki!! I missed you,” she whispered happily.

“It’s only been a few days.”

“But still!” Her eyes were brilliant and so full of life. She was ready to face the world head on, and she wasn’t afraid to let anyone know that. I ruffled her hair and she smiled at me. I sat back down in my chair and stretched my legs out.

“So, are you here to hang out or here for some work?” Erwin asked curiously.

“Both! Well, I need a consultation, mister tattoo man.” She hopped over to Erwin and pulled off her shirt.

“Izzy!” I scolded her as she stood there in her lime green bra in front of Erwin.

“What? It’s about the birds!” I rolled my eyes and she turned around. “I’m thinking of turning it into a full back piece. What do you think?”

“You could either do a full back piece, or I could work it around into a sleeve or half sleeve if you just want to extend it out.”

“Well, I was thinking of a dedication tattoo, and-” I stood up and started walking towards the back. “Levi!”

“I’ll be in the lounge.” I couldn’t listen. I just…I wasn’t ready to talk about that. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready for it. “Tch.” I heard a whimper from the couch and saw Eren struggling with the blanket, pulling it away from himself. It was apparently putting up a fight. “Hey, hey. Eren.” I gently pulled the blanket out of his hands and off of him as his eyes opened up. “It’s alright.” He whimpered one last time and groaned as he sat up, his hair a complete wreck. I just wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and he nodded.

“Thanks. I was having a pretty bad nightmare.”

“Sure.” We sat there in silence for a while. I thumbed through my phone and Eren just sat there silently, dozing off every now and again, but jerking awake as soon as his head tilted down. “Come here.” He eyed me sleepily and leaned against my arm, his eyes drifting shut as soon as he was settled. Eren’s little snores were soothing instead of annoying, unlike Isabel’s snoring. I might even say his were cute. On the downside of that, I was starting to get drowsy. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier as each minute passed by…

 

“Levi. Levi!” I jerked awake and sat up straight.

“OW-OWW,” Eren hissed as he sat up quickly and I stared at Erwin in front of me.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“Go home.” My eyes widened at Erwin’s words.

“I really didn’t mean to fall asleep, Erwin. You know I’ve never done this before and-”

“Levi.” He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. “It’s alright. I know. I’ll go ahead and pay you for a whole day, just relax and go home. You both look beat. Get some rest.” I felt a wave of relief wash over me and I stood up, looking over to Eren. He had dark circles under his eyes, probably from jerking awake every few moments. “Mike is going to drop you off at your car.”

“Thanks.” I helped a very worn out Eren up and grabbed his medications from the table. We walked to the front where Isabel was walking around a drawing with a smile on her face.

“Aniki! Look, it’s-”

“We’ve gotta go. Later.” I dragged Eren by her quickly and we pretty much bolted out onto the front porch.

“Who was that?” Eren asked sleepily as he rubbed at his eyes.

“Isabel. She’s a friend.”

“Oh.” He nodded and we climbed into Mike’s car. He made small talk as we rode to the hospital to pick up my car. I was still exhausted and the only thing on my mind was going home and getting some sleep.

“Thanks Mike.” I waved to him as he drove off and we hopped in my car. Eren groaned as he settled in and stretched out his legs.

“Hey Levi…”

“Yeah?”

“So… I’ve got a question.”

“Shoot.”

“What am I supposed to do about clothes and my textbooks and stuff like that?” I turned to look at Eren and slammed my head back against the headrest.

“FUCK. I didn’t think about that… Well I’m sure I’ve got something you can wear for today at least.” He frowned and turned to look at me as we drove towards my apartment. “Maybe we can sneak into your house tomorrow and grab your shit? You think that will work?”

“Maybe…”

We pulled into my apartment complex and were greeted by the same cats as usual. Even though Eren was sore and could barely walk, he still leaned over to scratch behind a few ears.

“Come on.” I rolled my eyes at him and we walked up the stairs to my apartment. I turned the key and we were met by the familiar fluorescent lighting as always. Dreary and pale.

“It’s really clean.”

“Oh yeah, you didn’t really get to look around last time.” I gave him a tour of my tiny, rundown apartment, ending in the bedroom. “You remember this, right?” He nodded, before eyeing the bed happily. “It’s been four hours. Do you want two more?” He frowned as he looked at the bag in my hands, but eventually nodded. I got him a glass of water and handed him two more pills, before he sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh.

“Okay Eren, I’m in an ‘I don’t really give a shit mood’ so I’m going to sleep in my underwear, but if you want pajamas I can try to find you a pair.”

“N-No! I can just…do that too.” The kid was blushing as he looked down at the carpet. He had bandages sticking to him everywhere, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to give him a hug.

“Alright.” I kicked my pants off, and he did the same on his side of the bed, slipping under the covers with a hiss. I dove under my side of the covers, feeling him shift around on his side quite a bit. I shut my eyes for a minute, listening to the sound of our breathing and the tick tock of the clock in the kitchen.

“Levi…” I opened my eyes and saw Eren staring at me with a frown.

“Hmm?” I stretched a little, accidentally bumping my foot against his leg.

“Thank you… for everything. I-I don’t know if I’d be here without you.” I saw tears well up in his eyes and he shoved his face down into the pillow.

“Oi, Eren. It’s alright. Hey.” I scooted a little closer and my fingers started combing through those messy locks. He was still crying, silently sobbing into the pillow. I could see his fingers scooting closer to his arm, threatening to scratch at the healing skin. “Hey. No, no. Stop.” He let out a whimper and I tugged him into a hug, separating his arms so he couldn’t reach his wrists.

“Le-Levi-”

“I know. I know it fucking sucks. I know he was such an asshole to you, and it’s not fair.” He sobbed and melted into my arms. I hugged him tight and he lost it. He cried and nearly screamed, fisting my shirt as he did. “But you can’t hurt yourself because of him. You have to prove him wrong. You have to prove that you can be better than that.” He whimpered but nodded against my now damp shirt. “You can do this, Eren.” I felt a light squeeze around me and he was hugging me, holding himself against me like I might float away.

“P-Please.”

“Shhh. I’m not going anywhere.” How many people had abandoned this poor kid? I’d had some shit luck, but at least I’ve had friends to help me through. He was holding onto me like I was his lifeline. I could feel the tremors shake through him and I tried to calm him down, but sometimes you just have to cry and get it out of your system. I’m sure this qualified as one of those times. He was hurting, he was exhausted, and he was practically alone. I’d be upset too.

“O-Okay.” He took a trembling breath and I patted his shoulder. Eren felt…comfortable in my arms. I’d never really held someone like this before, not with all the ups and downs my life had taken, but to just lay here and embrace him like this…It felt right. I felt calm with him in my arms and I couldn’t help the frown that etched itself into my face. My heart was aching because he was hurting. How ridiculous was that? I-the one person that vowed to pretty much shut themselves away- cared about this kid. He sniffled against my shirt and drew me out of my thoughts.

“And I know it’s hard to trust people, but…” I sighed at my own words. How could I convince him to trust me? Hopefully he would just believe my truthful words. “Just believe me when I say you can trust me.”

“But why? Why are you doing this? For someone you barely know…” His eyes looked up to mine, so full of hurt and fear and I just smiled a little as I swept my fingers through his hair again.

“Because you are worth saving. You remind me of myself…before I fucked up. Before I hit a wall and had to struggle through every day. I don’t want that to happen to you. I can tell you are so full of potential, Eren. There are endless possibilities for you.” He pushed his face into my chest again and cried out a sound that nearly made my heart break, but all I could do was rub little circles on his shoulder.

“I-I’ll try my best! I really will.” He gasped for a breath and shook his head against me. “I promise. I promise.”

“I know. And you have plenty of time to work through this, but for now, get some rest and focus on healing. Okay?” He wiped his eyes and simply nodded, but held onto me nonetheless. I pulled the covers up a little further and over his shoulders as gently as possible. His eyes shut as he got comfortable, right up against me, arms wrapped around each other. I could still feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest.

“Is…is this alright?” I hummed in approval and kept brushing his hair back, trying to get him to calm down a little so he could rest. So WE could get some rest. Fuck, I was exhausted. Eventually, after a few moments of soft breaths and the gentle combing of my fingers through his hair, I heard a faint snore. That was my cue to finally close my eyes and get some rest.

 

 

 

Eren’s POV

I woke to the sound of soft breathing. For a moment, I’d forgotten exactly where I was, then I realized I was at Levi’s…actually with Levi. My face went red as I remembered exactly what happened. How we ended up like this. I was pressed so close to him, and his arm was draped around my shoulder, lazily hugging me as the other remained at the nape of my neck. I looked up at his sleeping form and settled back down. Even in his sleep he looked exhausted. His eyes were ringed with purple and his face pale…well paler than usual. For once…I felt safe. Here, right in this moment, nothing could hurt me.

How could I feel so safe with a nearly complete stranger? I shook the thoughts away as I remembered how it felt to be imprisoned in my own home. Levi was warm and provided the embrace that I longed for. As I looked over his sleeping features, I noted how attractive he actually was. Anyone would be lucky to have him. A chiseled jaw, tiny nose, perfect lips…and those eyes…they were closed now, but when they were open they sparkled with so much emotion. Even if he didn’t show it on his face, you could always tell what he was thinking by his eyes. At least I could.

“Mnnn wake?” I blinked a couple of times and one of his eyes slowly opened, followed by the other. I nodded, and he patted my shoulder before pulling away to sit up. “Feeling a little better?” He stretched and turned on the lamp beside the bed. I could tell it was late just by the lack of light shining in through the crack in the curtains.

“A little.” I watched as he rolled out of bed and started searching through his drawers. He put on a pair of pajama bottoms, before tossing a pair to me.

“That’s good. Well, it’s close to payday so dinner won’t be anything fancy.” He turned on the overhead light as I pulled on the pants and followed him into the kitchen. He looked through the cabinets and sighed. “Let’s see…soup or ramen?” He held the can and the package in each hand.

“Ramen is fine.” I smiled at him and he nodded as he pulled two packages down.

“I’ve got peanut butter. Want a sandwich to go with it?”

“Sure.” I sat down at the small island, as he put the water on to boil. He was down to the end of his bread as well. “Hey, Levi…” He raised an eyebrow at me as he sat a silver kettle on the back burner, waiting for everything to boil.

“Yeah?”

“You can say no…I know you’ve been everywhere because of me today, but do you want to go to the store after this?” He narrowed his eyes and I shrugged. “I mean, after I check my balance. Dad will lock me out soon for sure, so…we might as well use it while we can, right?”

“And you want to stock us up on groceries?” The silver kettle started boiling and he poured the hot water into two mugs, filling them up nearly to the top. He sat my cup in front of me and I watched as the tea seeped out from the bag.

“Yeah. If that’s okay?” He shrugged and stirred the ramen.

“If that’s what you want to do. Might as well spend the bastard’s money while you can.” I nodded and pulled out my phone. I pulled up my app and checked. Sure enough, I still had plenty of money in my account.

“I’m not locked out yet.” He slid a bowl towards me and one towards his side of the island, along with a peanut butter sandwich for each of us.

“Okay, we can go after dinner then. If you feel up to it.” We ate in near silence, I quickly learned Levi didn’t like for you to talk with your mouth full of food, and after dinner I insisted on washing up the small sink of dishes we’d accumulated. Levi was sipping on his second cup of tea as I washed them. Afterwards, we threw on some jeans and headed back out.

 

“I’m driving to the store across town. It’s a little further, but…you don’t have to worry about as many questionable people.” Levi watched the road carefully as he drove and I simply nodded in agreement. We pulled into the grocery store and luckily scored a parking place fairly close to the front. Levi yanked a cart out from the row and we walked inside.

“So, I haven’t been grocery shopping in…well since…my mom.” I looked at my shoes and remembered how we’d gone together, usually after school.

“It’s not something I enjoy doing. At night’s not so bad though.” He shrugged as he pushed the buggy along.

“Well, here’s the budget.” I showed him the amount on my phone, not wanting to really say out loud what I was carrying around. His eyes went wide and the buggy skidded to a halt.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” His mouth was open as he stared at my account.

“Well…yeah. I figure we can stock up, right?” He shook his head in disbelief.

“Go grab another cart. Damn, Eren.” I ran back the short way and grabbed another cart, joining Levi again as we stood by the veggies. “Okay…so I’ve NEVER had a budget like that before, but I suggest canned and packaged stuff that will last, frozen will last for a little while as well. We just need to stay away from a lot of perishables. We can splurge on a few-well you can splurge on anything you want- but I’m just saying that they won’t last as long.”

“Sure! I’m taking your advice. Whatever we need. I, uh…I do need to get some stuff though. Like a toothbrush. Body wash.”

 

 

Levi’s POV

We loaded up the cart, getting Eren’s toiletries first and then headed to the grocery side. He gave me free reign over the groceries, saying that I’d be able to budget better. He did throw in a few snacks and some fruit once we were almost done. I almost fainted at the register when our total popped up, but Eren just gave me a small smile and swiped the card without thinking twice.

We loaded up the car and started driving home. Home. I had to think about that again. Eren was going to be staying with me, at least until he got on his feet. I wondered what kind of roommate he was. My head started spinning as I pictured clothes and dishes everywhere.

“Make sure you clean up after yourself.” He nodded from his seat, the lights from the street lamps flashing through the window and onto his face.

“I will. Thank you, Levi.” He said my name so fondly. I let my mind wander, drifting back into the past. To the devastating mistakes I’d made. Hopefully I could give him the shoulder and support he needed. Maybe he wouldn’t make the same critical mistakes as I had. We carried the groceries in, shoving them inside whichever cabinet they would fit in.

“What time does school start?”

“7:30.” He said it with a frown and I shook my head.

“No wonder kids don’t want to fucking go. Damn.” He grinned at me as I complained about the time, and went to pack away the last of the frozen items. “Well, I’m going to go throw my pajamas on.”

“Can I use the shower?” He was holding his little bag of items, asking me with a light blush.

“Sure. Knock yourself out. I’ll see if I can find some clothes to fit you.”

“Thanks.” We both jumped a little as Eren’s ringtone went off and he paled slightly, pulling the screaming phone from his pocket. “It’s Dad…” I grimaced at the words. That bastard had no right to call Eren, didn’t even deserve to be on the same planet as his wonderful son.

“It’s your call.” I shrugged and he silenced it, shoving the phone back into his pocket. We had just started walking towards the bedroom when it went off again. “Fuck. He’s annoying.”

“M-Maybe he’s in trouble…” Eren pulled his phone out and put it on speaker before answering. Maybe so I could tell the old bastard off if I needed to. “Hello?”

“You little shit!” He frowned and just stared at the screen, hurt filling his eyes. “You went and fucking blew all the money in that bank account. You think I wouldn’t notice, you disappointing piece of-” I hit the end call button and the room fell into silence for a moment. Eren’s hands were shaking, but he shoved the phone away.

“I’m sorry.” I raised my eyebrow at him and shook my head.

“Don’t apologize for him. He’s an asshole. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.” I reached out and touched his trembling fingers with my own. “Not even animals deserve to be spoken to like that.” He just nodded and followed me into the bedroom. I found a baggy shirt for him to wear, along with the pajamas from earlier. He took the clothes with a small smile, before retreating into the bathroom.

I heard the water start up and sat down on the edge of the bed after I changed. Fuck. What a day. I stared at the crumbling plaster in the corner. I’d even tried to repair it myself, but it would still crack and fall at least once a week and I’d have to clean up the pile of dust on the floor. Broken, unrepairable. Hopefully Eren wasn’t like that wall. He deserved so much better. It’s not his fault he was born into that family. I heard a whimper from the bathroom and I stood up, leaning against the door quietly. It was quiet for a while, but eventually I heard a cough and the familiar sound of crying. It tore my heart open. I just needed to be there for him.

“Eren…”

“J-Just a minute. Still in the shower.”

“Are you alright?” There were a few extended seconds of silence, and I put my hand on the doorknob. “Eren, I’m coming in.” The door wasn’t locked thankfully and I pushed my way inside.

“Levi-” I could hear the shower running and Eren was inside. He was trying to hold back his sobbing and I leaned against the sink. He was blocked by the shower curtain, completely obscured from me, which worried and comforted me at the same time. It would have been awkward for both of us to walk in on him naked. “I’m okay. Just…just trying to deal.” He choked a little and I shook my head. “Levi…why…why doesn’t he want me?” He broke into a rough sob now, a sob ripping through him.

“He doesn’t even deserve you, Eren. I can tell just by spending a few days with you that you are a great kid. Any dad should be happy to have you.” I heard another whimper and I couldn’t stop myself as I grabbed a towel. “Here.” I pushed it past the shower curtain and the water stopped. To say that I was prepared for what I saw when the curtain opened would be a complete lie. There, with the towel wrapped around his waist, around the most beautiful body I’d ever seen, was Eren. Arm bleeding and crying, face red from tears. He was soft and muscular at the same time, and I didn’t even know such a thing could exist.

“Shit-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He kept repeating it as he cradled his arm.

“Come here, brat.” He nodded quickly and stepped out of the shower. I led him over to the sink and ripped open my medicine cabinet, pulling out a wad of gauze to hold over his wounds. I looked at the irritated skin along his arm and grimaced. Fuck. Scratched. He’d scratched the healing wounds until they broke open.

“Levi, I’m-”

“Stop. Just… Eren, look at yourself.” He cried even harder and I could feel his body jerking. “You can’t destroy yourself because of him! You don’t deserve pain.” My eyes fell to his arm. I hadn’t noticed how deep some of these scars ran. Every direction up his arm, making my stomach sink. There was still time. He wasn’t a lost cause. “You deserve someone to protect you and care for you. That’s what a father should do! Not hurt you with words or fucking fists. That’s bullshit and you know it!” He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “Now come here.” I made sure the gauze was pressed firmly against his arm as I pulled him against me. His head fell on my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around him tight, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

“I’m sorry. It’s so hard and…and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Just do what you can to survive. I know you can do this Eren, please.”

“I-I’ll try.” Not exactly what I wanted to hear. I pulled back and looked him straight in the eyes before I yanked my own sleeve up, letting his gaze fall on it. “L-Levi. You-You…” I narrowed my eyes, before letting my sleeve fall back down.

“Yes. I cut. I know what it’s like to depend on pain to get you through. To stop you from being crushed by all the emotions in your heart. But I stopped. I haven’t cut for over two months. They’re the hardest thing, emotions. With the pain. So… just do your best. I believe in you, Eren.”

“I will.” He was determined now, nodding his head frantically. “I can do this. If you did it, I can. We can.” I ran my fingers through his soaked hair, trying to ease the sobs ripping through him.

“Yes. You can do it, and I’ll be here to help.”

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…” I eased him back against the sink and checked his arm. The bleeding had stopped so I applied some ointment and wrapped his arms in more gauze. These cuts didn’t belong on this beautiful, caramel skin. On this kid who was just doing his best to please everyone and make it through this world. For a moment, I thought about myself and I couldn’t think the same way. I deserved them, every scar across my arm. But I had made a promise that I’d become stronger and I’ve grown because of it.

“Shhh…” He was still crying as I finished bandaging him. “Throw on your clothes and come to bed. You’ve got to be fucking exhausted.” He nodded weakly and I reluctantly pulled away, leaving the bathroom door cracked as I stood beside it. He looked nice in a t-shirt, in the low lighting of the room. You couldn’t quite see all of the scars along his arms until he turned just right. I knew he felt self-conscious, which was something I was familiar with. I wrapped him up in the blankets and eased him against me, wrapping an arm around him. “Sorry the t-shirt was all I could find. You’re taller than me.” He just nodded and nuzzled closer. It was nice having someone so close and warm. Even if the circumstances were shitty, it made the bed less lonely. Within a couple minutes, snores were being muffled by my shoulder and I stared down at the beautiful creature in my arms. “Sleep tight.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Darkkestrel
> 
> Leave comments

Eren’s POV

The alarm screaming on Levi’s side of the bed pulled me from my dreams. The bed was empty beside me and for some reason a frown appeared on my face. I smelled something delicious floating through the apartment though, so I pulled myself out of bed and shut off Levi’s phone before walking into the kitchen.

“Morning.” Levi was cooking something that smelled like Heaven on earth. “How many pieces of French toast do you want?”

“You’re making French toast?” I raised my eyebrows in shock and he nodded, motioning me to the small breakfast counter. I pulled up a stool before he flipped two pieces onto my plate.

“It smells great!” I poured syrup over the golden brown toast and Levi watched me carefully.

“Spill any of that syrup on the counter and you’ll be scrubbing it. Twice. I fucking hate sticky stuff.” I eyed him curiously as he flipped his own pieces of toast. He tilted the pan and dropped his toast onto the plate before sitting down beside me. I quickly finished my toast, rinsing the plate in the sink afterwards. “Go get dressed so I can take your ass to school. I washed your clothes, they are on the counter in the bathroom. ” I nodded before returning to Levi’s room. I quickly shed the pajamas, dropping them into the laundry basket while pulling on my clean clothes. My arms still felt bare, even underneath the long sleeve shirt. I looked at myself in the mirror, tucking my hands into my sleeves. My eyes had dark circles underneath them and my skin seemed paler than usual. When was the last time I was out in the sun? I sighed as I ran my fingers over the stitches running across my brow. “Eren. We need to go.” I jumped as he spoke from the doorway. “Woah, you okay?”

I frowned as I tucked closer into my shirt. I didn’t want to go to school. Didn’t want to see the ‘friends’ that claimed to care so much. They didn’t know anything was going on. As far as they knew, I was perfectly happy. Getting along with my dad just fine.

“Just nervous about going, I guess.” I shrugged and pulled my sleeves down. I could feel the bandages, heavy underneath my sleeves.

“You’ll be fine. Your friends will help you through.” I swallowed and stepped closer to Levi, but he turned and walked to the closet so I followed him out. “Here.” He handed me a grey hoodie with black words scrolling across the front. Urban Ink. It was from Erwin’s shop. I thanked him as I took it and wrapped myself in it. A comforting scent drifted around me as I zipped it up and I recognized it as Levi’s laundry detergent, a hint of his cologne mixed in. I sunk into the material and he led me out of the room. We both slipped on our shoes and he drove me to school. I was apprehensive, taking my time to open the door.

“Eren.” He gave my thigh a pat and I sighed, eyeing the sidewalk filled with students. “You can do this. I’ll be right here at 2:30 to pick you up, alright?”

“But what about-”

“Like I said.” He offered me a small smile and I nodded, taking the plunge and getting out of the car. I stood outside by the sculpture and watched Levi drive away with a sigh.

“Eren.” I jumped and took a step back before I noticed Armin and Mikasa in front of me. “Good morning! What happened?!” Armin’s tone changed quickly as he eyed my face. I frowned and tried my best to just disappear in Levi’s hoodie.

“I ran into a post.”

“A post?” Armin looked at me in doubt as I told my story.

“Yeah. A lamppost. I was texting, not paying attention and ran straight into it.”

“You are such a klutz,” Mikasa said as she rolled her eyes.

“I know.” I shrugged and, as the bell rang, we split up and I made my way to first block. I sat down in my own little corner, just the same as last week, but today I didn’t have anything besides a notebook and a pen I found in the bottom of my locker.  


“Open your books to page 115.” I glanced around the room and sighed. “Jaeger, where is your book?” I frowned and shook my head.

“At home.”

“Let me guess, with this weekend’s homework still inside?” I frowned and nodded. The teacher rolled his eyes and started his lecture on the powerhouse of the cell while I just doodled in my notebook. He ended up completing the lecture early and left us with a few minutes of spare time in class. I kept sketching in my notebook as Jean called my name.

“Eren, what the hell happened to you?” I grimaced and re-told my story of the lamppost. Marco chuckled at my accident and commented on my clumsiness. Just like Mikasa had. Jean was frowning at my story and, as the bell rang for dismissal to second block, Jean reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Let’s eat lunch together out at the picnic tables. Okay?” I agreed to eat with Jean, though his behavior was a little off. The next class passed just as boringly, and soon it was lunchtime. I took my Styrofoam tray and followed Jean out to the picnic tables.

Some would say that it was ridiculous the way me and Jean got along now. We pretty much hated each other’s guts in middle school, but something changed around the end of 9th grade. Jean began wearing more black, more band t-shirts. He got his lip pierced the following year and we started bonding over the bands we both liked. I sat down next to him out in the empty court yard. We were early to lunch and it’d be a while before our other friends joined us out in the sunshine.

“Alright Jaeger. I want the truth.” I frowned as Jean crossed his arms and didn’t touch his food. My head fell and I shook it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not an idiot, Eren. Even I can see something’s going on. You aren’t yourself. You seem so…distant. It’s like I can’t reach you.”

“You’re the only one that’s noticed anything wrong with me,” I muttered and Jean leaned closer.

“Come on man. Open up for once. I know life isn’t full of flowers and puppies, like everyone hopes it to be, but we can’t control that. It helps to have someone lend an ear.” I nodded and looked at Jean, right into his golden eyes and I shivered. Right down to my bones.

“I…things went down at home. I’m not really staying with Dad right now…” Jean nodded and plopped his leg up onto the table. He pulled up his pant leg and pointed to the scar below his knee.

“See this?”

“Your scar? The one you got from that dog?” Jean nodded, but his eyes popped back up to mine.

“Except it wasn’t from a dog. It was from my asshole of a father. He pushed me into a bookshelf so hard he snapped the bottom shelf and it sliced my leg open.” My stomach sank as Jean told me his story and I just couldn’t believe it. “So, I get it. We may not be exactly the same, especially since my asshole of a dad is out of the picture now, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I won’t tell anyone.” I swallowed hard as he let his pant leg fall down.

“Thanks Jean.” He patted my shoulder just as Marco and Armin were walking out to join us at the table.

“Already got started without us!” Marco beamed at both of us, and I couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto my lips. We finished up lunch together, Mikasa joining us eventually, and I carried on with the rest of my classes. I waited for Levi by the statue as the last bell rang and, after the busses left, he pulled up to the sidewalk. I hopped in and sank down in my seat. One day down.

“How’d it go?” I played with the strings on the hoodie as I thought.

“Not so bad. I talked to Jean about stuff…kind of.”

“Well that’s good….Who’s Jean?” I couldn’t help but grin at Levi. He was practically acting like a mom. That made my heart swoon a bit and I went over the story about Jean and me. We pulled up to the tattoo shop and we walked inside.

“Welcome, welcome!” Hanji clapped as we walked through the door. Erwin just nodded to us with a smile as he worked on someone’s forearm. Levi led me back to the breakroom and I plopped down on the couch, setting my math book out in front of me. It was the only one that I hadn’t taken home that day. I sighed and flipped to the section I needed to work on. Levi set a bag down in front of me, along with a bottle of water.

“Ugh-”

“Eat. I made you a snack. I know school food is shitty. It won’t fill you up for long.” I opened up the bag to find an apple, some pretzels, and a sandwich, wrapped carefully.

“Thank you!” I smiled as I opened up the sandwich.

“No problem. I’ve gotta get back to work, if you need anything I’ll be up front.” I watched Levi retreat back to the front and grinned at the snacks in front of me. It didn’t take long to down the food and start on my homework. I finished up pretty quickly and felt myself drifting off. A little nap wouldn’t hurt…

 

 

“Eren. EREN.” I woke up, startled from my nap as Levi stood over me.

“Wha-” I yawned and stretched.

“Shop is closed. We need to head out.” Had I really napped that long? I collected my math book and followed Levi to the front, where Erwin was waiting. He locked up the door and we parted ways. “So what’s the plan?” I looked out the window and realized we weren’t heading home. I sighed and shook my head.

“Well, we can sneak into my house. Bank on the fact that Dad is probably already passed out or asleep. We pulled up against the sidewalk, a few houses down from my own. We crept up to the house. Dad’s light was out in his room. Hopefully he was out of it. “That’s my room.” I pointed to the upstairs room and Levi nodded.

“Your window unlocked?”

“It should be…WAIT. We’re gonna climb up!?” I stared at the tree and Levi nodded.

“It’s not like your father will be so knocked out that he can’t hear the front door open.” He shrugged and walked to the tree. He had on a backpack, filled with reusable shopping bags. At least Levi had thought ahead. He grabbed onto the tree and started climbing, jumping silently to my window. He pried it open and ducked inside. I mimicked his actions and climbed up the tree, a lot less gracefully. Fuck. He had to be in shape to scale it that quickly. I jumped inside the window, being as quiet as possible. Levi was emptying the backpack onto my bed, bags spilling out against my blanket.

I grabbed a bag and started emptying my dresser. I took my clothes, my books, and my laptop. Anything that would fit in the bag. I threw in the picture of Mom I kept on my bedside table and gave the room another look. I threw in my boots and a belt. I sighed. The bags were full. Levi handed me the backpack and I started filling it up with as many art supplies as I could. I’d have to leave my larger pads of paper. I eyed my guitar sadly, brushing over the wood with my fingers.

“Grab it.” I looked at Levi, barely hearing his whispers in the dark. I laid it beside the window, along with my other things. Levi started pulling the sheet off my bed and tied it around a bag. “Go head down, I’ll lower these down to you.” I slid down the tree and thankfully landed on my feet. Levi started lowering the bags down to me, one by one. He tied the sheet around my guitar carefully and I grabbed it as soon as it was in front of me. He climbed out of the window and shut it behind him, sliding down the tree with the backpack on. He grabbed four bags and I grabbed three, along with my guitar. We loaded everything into the car and I slipped my own backpack off and threw it in the back. Levi started the car and soon we were driving back to his apartment. We were safe. I breathed a sigh of relief and buried my face in my hands.

“Thank you, Levi. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“No problem.” He shot me a small smile and I mirrored it. Levi was a true friend. Someone that I would always hold close. We arrived at the apartment complex and lugged all of my stuff inside, plopping the bags down by the couch.

“Phew.” I stretched as the weight was dropped from my arms.

“Grab your clothes.” I frowned and picked up a few bags, following Levi into the spotless bedroom. He pulled a drawer of his dresser open and my eyes went wide as I noticed it was empty. “There’s room in the closet too.”

“Wow. Thank you!” I dropped the bags and pulled him into a hug.

“Sure thing. It’s not like I could have you living out of bags anyway.” I grinned at him and my new drawer. It may have seemed stupid, being excited about a simple drawer, but it meant so much to me. It meant freedom. It meant acceptance. I started loading up my drawer and Levi stretched out on the bed, picking up his book off of the nightstand.

With bags empty, it only left a few stray items. My backpack full of books, my photo of Mom, some art supplies and my guitar. I looked at the photo in my hands and frowned. Why? Why did this all have to happen? Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at the warm smile. The honey colored eyes, the long brown hair. Fuck. I felt a hand on my back and jumped. Levi was beside me, looking at the photo in my hands.

“Your mother?” I nodded, words unable to leave my mouth. “She’s beautiful.” I nodded again as a few stray tears leaked from my eyes.

“I miss her so much.” Levi was rubbing my back as we looked at the photo together.

“I know how you feel. I lost my mother as well…” I looked over to Levi as he held a somber expression. I sniffled and he kept up his motions. “You can put it on your nightstand if you want.” I walked carefully to the side of the bed, gently setting down the picture. Levi was back in bed, motioning for me to crawl in. I shrugged off my jeans and just crawled under the covers, his hoodie warming me to the bones. Everyone says it gets easier with time, but I’m still swallowed by emotions when I think about her. He was frowning and I hated it. I hated that Levi had gone through that pain. The same pain that tormented my soul. Except…

“It was all my fault.” I choked on the words and Levi looked at me, features skewed with confusion.

“What are you talking about?” His eyebrow was raised as he asked me and I wiped at my face, tears burning my skin. I’d never told anyone how I felt about her death. Not even Mikasa or Armin. But Levi…he had gone through this. He was here for me. I could trust him.

“My mother’s death. It was my fault. All my fault.” I buried my face in my hands as sobs shook my body, but Levi’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me up against his side.

“I’m sure that’s not true, Eren.”

“B-But it is.” My face was buried against his shoulder and he shook his head. “I-I had guitar practice after school that day. I-In the music room at school.” He patted my back, his touches soothing me a little. “She was…she was killed because of me.”

“How?” I cried against his shoulder for a minute, remembering that fateful day when my world shifted and changed.

“C-Car crash. Someone hit her on the way to pick me up.” I rubbed at my red eyes, tears leaking onto his shirt.

“Eren, you couldn’t control that. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“B-But it WAS my fault. If I hadn’t taken fucking guitar lessons. If-If…” I couldn’t think anymore, just cried against his shoulder and felt his fingers thread through my hair.

“And maybe if I could have found the cure for cancer, my mother would still be alive. But we can’t change these things. Eren that was NOT your fault. Things happen for a reason.”

“But-”

“No buts. I’m serious.” I choked against his shoulder. “Your mother would want you to be happy. To be safe. She wanted you to learn guitar, right?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Then don’t blame yourself. She was proud of you. I can tell just by looking at that photo that she absolutely adored you.” I wiped my tears once more, looking up at the frowning face.

“But Dad said-“

“No offense, but your dad is a piece of shit. Don’t listen to a word he says, Eren. Believe me.” I nodded hesitantly. Maybe…maybe everything did happen for a reason, but guilt still lurched through me. Worming its way through.

“O-Okay…” Levi pulled the covers up over us and I settled back down against his shoulder. “Levi…” He looked down at me and our eyes met, turquoise into grey.

“Hmm?” His tone was softer now, calmer. He was running careful fingers through my hair still. Exhaustion was pooling all around me, tugging me towards sleep.

“I’m sorry I’m like this…”

“Don’t apologize for being yourself. You are strong Eren. With a little help, you can accomplish so much. And I’ll be here to provide you with that help.” I nodded against his shoulder and sunk deeper down against him, into the arms of my best friend… Levi…he’d become closer to me in the last few days than I currently was with Armin or Mikasa. Levi wasn’t distant. Levi cared. My tears finally stopped and my breathing slowed as Levi massaged my scalp. “Everyone needs a little affection and attention now and again.” I nodded sleepily against him and shut my eyes. “Rest. You deserve it.” With those words I let myself sink down. Down into the land of sleep and dreams.

 

 

Levi’s POV

_The room was spinning. Spinning and spinning out of control. It tilted back and forth, rocking me. I took a timid step forward, testing my balance. But I couldn’t walk very far before I fell and landed on my knees. There was someone laying in the floor. Shaking and convulsing. I looked upon the familiar face and screamed. I screamed and screamed, but no one could hear. No one could pull me out of my nightmare. Or was this reality? I couldn’t bear to watch as the life faded from him. No, no, no._

I was jolted awake and looked around the dark room, illuminated only by the little bit of light coming from the bathroom. I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. His eyes rolling back, the gasps for breath. I sat up gently, nudging Eren to the side. I had to get out. Clear my head for a while. I scribbled out a note to Eren and threw on a clean outfit, then I grabbed my keys and left. The early sunrise was lighting my way as I drove. I turned on the CD player, pumping music so loud that maybe my thoughts and memories would be blasted away.

_I was waiting for you man, right down there by the sea,  
Where we used to meet, to share in our pain and decry misery._

I kept driving and driving until the sun was completely up in the sky. Until the early morning rays had me squinting at the road. I drove onto the familiar gravel road, through the trees and kept driving until I hit the parking lot. Headstones stood in front of me, as far as I could see.

 

_I waited, I waited, I waited I swear,  
But when I got down to the ocean, man, you were not fucking there._

I walked through the aisles of grave markers, of people that I’d never known in my lifetime, until I reached the tree. It was closer to the edge of the cemetery, away from the center that seemed so confining. I stood in front of the stone for a minute, thinking back to the day of the funeral. I still couldn’t believe it…

“Farlan…” I read over the familiar name ‘ **Farlan Church** ’still not believing my eyes. “Fuck…I miss you so much.” I knelt down in front of the stone. Waves of emotion rushing through me. “I just…I wish you were here.” My fingers swept across the cold stone. I felt my eyes burning, but only let a few tears escaped. I wouldn’t let myself break down. I couldn’t let it happen.

I shut my eyes for a moment, picturing that perfect face. Those baby blue eyes, the soft blonde hair. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

“I’m so sorry…” We were best friends turned lovers. He was my friend since middle school, always there. Things changed our senior year of high school when I discovered my true feelings. Unexpectedly, he reciprocated those feelings and we dated for a while. During that time though…I’d never told him I loved him. “I…I shouldn’t have waited…” I sniffled and heard a clap of thunder roll throughout the cemetery. “I miss you so much. I’m so sorry I never told you. I’m sorry about my stupid fucking decisions. Farlan…” I looked over the sad excuse of a flower arrangement I’d left last time. The cheap silk flowers were all I could afford and the color was sun bleached and faded. “I should have brought new ones…” Rain started sprinkling around me, soon turning into a downpour. The only shelter I had was the tree beside his headstone. I leaned against it and waited…

 

Eren’s POV

Erwin dropped me off at school, just like Levi had said he would. He seemed a little confused when I went upstairs to knock on his door, but he drove me nonetheless. Where was Levi? He’d left in the middle of the night and I just hoped he wasn’t upset with me or anything I’d done. Had I fucked up again? Messed up the only friendship that I had?

I walked outside after the final bell rung. I was expecting Levi again, but when Erwin pulled up to the curb to pick me up, my concern grew. I frowned as I jumped in the car.

“Hey. I guess we can just go on to the shop. I’m not really sure where Levi is…” I raised my eyebrow at him. Had Levi not told him where he was going? “He called into work today… I’m not really sure why. He just asked me to pick you up.” I nodded, pulling my hoodie tighter around myself. We pulled up to the shop and I got out, following Erwin inside.

“EREN!!!” Hanji beamed at me and waved. “I got donuts and coffee! They are in the break room.”

“Thanks.” I made my way to the empty breakroom, and I pulled out my phone as I sat down on the couch.

**To Levi: Hey. I’m sorry if I upset you yesterday. I hope everything is okay.**

I waited a few minutes for a reply, but it never came. I didn’t touch my homework, I just shoved my earbuds into my ears and cranked up the music on my phone as I sketched. How had I screwed up? I drifted in my thoughts and sketches until Erwin was shaking my shoulder. I pulled my earphones out and shoved them in my bag.

“I’m gonna go ahead and close up. My last customer left for the day. I got a call from Levi a few minutes ago. I need to pick him up.” My stomach sank. Hopefully he was alright.

We drove for a short while, reaching the park not far from our house. We both climbed out and walked through the gate, path illuminated by street lights. I heard a swing squeak and I looked in the direction it came from.

“Levi. We’re here. It’s time to go.” He was gently swinging back and forth. We walked closer and his feet dragged against the ground, slowing him down.

“Don’t wanna. It’s too early.” His eyes looked glassy in the bright street light. Erwin sighed heavily.

“I’ve got to go to bed. I’m fucking exhausted-”

“Just go then!” Levi crossed his arms and shot Erwin a glare.

“Fine. Eren, good luck with him. You should be able to make it to the apartments from here. It’s just a short walk.” I nodded and watched as Erwin made his way back to the car and drove off.

“Uh…Levi?”

“Swing with m-me.” The wind blew, a cold breeze that undoubtedly came from the rain all day. He looked messy, which was surprising. Levi’s hair was always perfect, as was his eyeliner. He looked disheveled, eyeliner smudged under his eyes. I heard a bottle roll and knock into the side of the swing set. Fuck… How long had he been drinking?

“I think we should go home-”

“Swing. With. Me….please…” He pouted at me, and I sighed in defeat and took the swing next to him.

“What happened today?” I asked him and he just shook his head, beginning his gentle swinging back and forth.

“I fucked up… I…” His feet skidded under him, kicking up a little cloud of dust. “I’ve tried so hard…but…all I’ll ever be is a fuckup.”

“That’s not true!” I couldn’t control myself as I said it. I surely didn’t mean to yell it like that. My heart was pounding as he looked at me.

“You barely fucking know me, Jaeger!” I swallowed hard and shook my head.

“I know you well enough to know that you are a good person! You…I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you… You are my only…” The words hung in my throat and I fought back my tears. He jumped off the swing, swaying slightly on his feet and made his was over to the huge tree behind the picnic table. He slid down it, sitting at the base. I followed him over and sat down beside him, staring at his dark features, illuminated only by the moonlight and the streetlight a few feet over.

“I’m a-a fucking terrible person…” I kept shaking my head, disagreeing with him. He draped his arm across his knee and I noticed the blue sleeve of his shirt was dark. Stained. I reach out and touched the fabric and he simply shut his eyes and shook his head.

“You aren’t terrible. You’ve had a hard life. You-” He yanked up his sleeve, all the way to his shoulder and shoved it in front of my face. I could see the fresh cuts, equally spaced apart. They were so perfect it was like he’d used a ruler.

“Look closer! I’m fucking weak.” He moved his arm closer to my face and that’s when I noticed them, the faint scars at the bend of his elbow. Wait…there’s no way…

“You see those?! They’re fucking scars from a needle. I was a damn junkie. All I cared about was my next fix. And I dragged my best friend down with me.” He looked at me with a hurt expression, eyes watering. I had to choose my words carefully.

“But you aren’t anymore. These seem old.” He frowned at me and nodded, arm falling back across his knees.

“That’s one thing I haven’t relapsed back to. Never again. Never.” He balled his fists up and kept shaking his head. I saw a tear slide down his cheek and it was breaking me apart.

“Levi… you are strong. So strong. You’ve defeated something that most people can never let go of! That’s worth something.” He rubbed at his eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest. I timidly reach out my hand, placing it on top of his own. “I may not be able to help you as much as you help me, but I promise I’m here. If you ever need an ear or anything.” He looked over at me, fingers wiggling under my own.

“I…thank you…” He flipped his hand over and our fingers wove together. He gave my hand a squeeze and I leaned back against the tree. What time was it? Pretty late. “I…I was responsible for…” He threw his head back against the tree and let out a frustrated sigh. “My boyfriend died because of me. He was my best friend. I never even fucking told him I loved him and…and I’m such a fuckup. I can’t do a single damn thing right!” He brought his other hand to his face and buried it there.

“You can’t blame yourself. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” Levi shook his head and looked over to me, giving my hand another squeeze.

“I…I fucking gave him the heroin. We…we even shared the damn needle!” He was shaking his head wildly now, stomping his foot against the ground. “I watched him die, Eren. Right there in front of me. He overdosed and I couldn’t do a fucking thing about it!” His voice cracked and I half expected him to lose it. But he didn’t, just a single tear dripped down his cheek. I don’t know what compelled me forward, but I was moving of my own accord, pulling him into a hug. He tried to shove himself out of my arms, but he was too weak to protest for long.

I felt his head fall against me, into the crook of my neck, and he let out a shudder. I rubbed his shoulder and back, mimicking his actions from the previous night.

“Like I said, it wasn’t your fault…”

“But-”

“You didn’t shove the needle in his arm and make him take it, did you?” He gasped against me and shook his head.

“Of course not! I-”

“Then you aren’t at fault. It wasn’t your fault…” He relaxed against me a little and I felt his own arm snake around me, pulling me a little closer.

“I still miss him so bad. I…I’d never felt like that about anyone before. I fucking miss him…”

“I know… and I’m really sorry for that.” He nodded against my neck and after a few minutes of silence, he calmed down enough for me to pull him to his feet. He had to have been sobering up because his motions weren’t as shaky as we walked to the apartment. I unlocked the door with the key he gave me and pulled Levi towards the bedroom. He kicked off his pants and fell into the unmade bed. I joined him, kicking off my jeans, but I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the remaining roll of bandages and ointment, along with a couple of saline wipes. He looked at me groggily as I stood beside him with the supplies in my hands.

“You…can you lift your sleeve up?” He frowned and just yanked his shirt off, tossing it to the floor. He had three cuts across his left arm. I could tell he was restraining himself. Levi wasn’t like me. Even when his emotions were running wild he was organized and thought out his actions. I just let my emotions drive me, eating away at my skin until the feelings started to fade with the pain. He held out his arm and I wiped over the cuts, cleaning up the edges. He grimaced as I cleaned them and rubbed ointment onto the wounds, just like he had done to mine. I wrapped a bandage around his arm, taping it into place. “There…” He was dozing off, then he would jerk awake to stare at me holding his arm. I threw everything away and climbed into bed beside him, pulling myself right up against him.

“Thanks…You’re a good person, Eren.” I nuzzled his shoulder, pulling myself even closer. Levi was my best friend. We had to protect each other if we were going to survive in this world. I’d do everything in my power to help. I thought about that until my dreams finally pulled me under.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my amazing beta Darkkestrel! 
> 
> :D 
> 
> Comments are appreciated!

The Next Day

I finally managed to make it to school with my books this time. My teachers were thrilled that I was actually attempting anything. Levi woke up with a hangover from hell, so Erwin drove me to school. Hopefully he’d feel better soon. I yearned to be by his side. To keep him company. To stay strong together. After school let out, Levi picked me up. I waved at him as he pulled up and climbed inside.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” I smiled at him and he looked forward, driving the way back to the shop in mostly silence. After we arrived, I made my way back to the breakroom so I could start on my homework. The day passed calmly, edging into night when Levi finally retrieved me so we could head home. I sat my backpack down by the couch when we arrived. Levi just plopped down on the couch so I sat down beside him.

“Want to watch a movie?” I asked with a smile and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“What movie?” I looked over his collection of DVDs and, although it was small, there were a few good ones in there.

“Howl’s Moving Castle?” He simply nodded while I slipped the disc into the player. I started the movie and sat back down beside him.

“Eren…” His voice drew my eyes away from the screen and I looked at him. He looked worn out, like he’d been overwhelmed all day. “I’m sorry if I upset you or anything last night…” He instinctively rubbed over his arm. I shook my head, but he held up a hand so he could continue. “It’s not…my past isn’t really something I like to bring up.” He frowned as he spoke and I listened carefully to his words. “But…I wasn’t perfect. I never have been. I probably won’t ever be, but I’m trying. There was no excuse for me to act the way I did. You shouldn’t have to take care of my sorry ass while you are dealing with all of the shit you’re going through.”

“But Levi-”

“Let me finish. I just…I just want to apologize. I don’t do it very often, but I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to take care of me. You came here because you needed somewhere stable, someplace that you could become a stronger person and move forward in life, but I’m…I’m just so weak. If you don’t want to stay here, then I’m sure Hanji will let you stay with her for a while-”

“Levi.” He finally looked up and locked eyes with me. “I have no intentions of leaving. I trust you. I know you are strong. We all have slipups but, without those, we wouldn’t be able to rebuild.” His eyes left mine and fell to the floor. “Just make me one promise.” His eyes returned and I saw him swallow hard. “Promise me that you will rely on me, just like I know I can rely on you.” His eyebrows furrowed for a second as if in deep thought.

“I…I don’t want to stress you-”

“Levi! Look at me.” He looked back, hand rubbing over his sleeve. “Promise me. You aren’t a stress to me. You aren’t a burden. You fucking rescued me from so much. I have a chance at being happy now, because you rescued me. Now please, just let me help you too…”

He let out a breath, before he studied my face for a moment. He eventually nodded and I pulled him into a hug.

“I promise…” He loosely kept his hands around my waist as he leaned his head onto my shoulder. He was exhausted; I could tell by the way he was breathing heavily against me.

“Let’s watch the movie tomorrow.” I tugged him up from the couch and we walked into the bedroom, shutting off lights as we went. Levi kicked off his clothes and I did the same before I pulled on a pair of pajama pants. I climbed into bed and before I knew it, a familiar warmth was scooting right next to me. A welcomed warmth. I felt his head ease onto my shoulder and I pulled him closer. “I’m here, Levi.” He hummed in acknowledgement and pulled the covers up a little closer.

Why was my heart beating so fast? Why…why did I just want to stay here for days at a time and just be here for him? I looked at his features in the faint moonlight shining through the gap in the curtains and smiled. He was beautiful. His eyes were shut, but his thick lashes were resting on his cheek.

I swiped my fingers through his hair and he let out a sigh. I would stay like this as long as it took. We would get through this. We’d fight our demons and win.

 

 

The following day, Levi was actually off from the shop. He drove us back towards the apartments, but pulled into the park instead. He shrugged as he got out of the car.

“It’s a nice day. Not raining for once.” I followed him to the park and we sat down under the same tree we had a couple nights prior. I pulled my sketchbook out of my bag, and drew the beginnings of a hangman game, before handing it to Levi.

“Hmmm six letters…‘R’?”

“Nope!” I drew the hangman’s head and he frowned.

“Uh…‘A’?”

“No again.”

“Shit…‘E’?”

“HA. Shitty! Two ‘E’s.” Levi rolled his eyes at my lame joke, but actually smiled.

“S?”

“NOPE!”

“FUCK.”

“That’s not a letter, Levi.”

“O?”

“You got another one!!”

“Wait….is it coffee?”

“Yep!” I wrote winner across the page and Levi smiled.

“So, you want coffee?”

“I’ve got a couple dollars left in my wallet if you want some?”

“Sure. There’s a little café down the street from here. The coffee isn’t Starbucks quality, but it’s pretty good for the price.” I followed him down the street, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. It was only a three minute walk down the road before we stepped inside the small coffee shop.

“Hey Levi!” A blonde girl behind the counter waved at him and he just nodded. We walked up to the counter and I looked over the menu. “Who’s this?” She smiled at me widely before looking over to Levi.

“This is Eren. Eren, Petra.” I waved at her and she took our order quickly.

“Any plans for this weekend, Levi?” Levi shrugged.

“Just hanging out with the brat here. He’s my new roommate.”

“Really?” Her eyes went slightly wide and she tilted her head.

“Yeah. Why is that so hard to believe?” Levi crossed his arms and we watched as she steamed the milk for my latte.

“You’re just…quirky. That’s all.” Levi snorted and rolled his eyes. “But Lizzy and I are planning on going out to the beach house since it’s a three day weekend. I’m sure she’d love for you to come along!” He looked over to me for a minute and shrugged again.

“What do you think, Eren?”

“I’ve never seen the ocean before…”

“Seriously?!” Petra slammed her hands down on the counter, nearly knocking my latte over.

“Yeah.”

“We are so close, Eren! It’s only an hour’s drive!” I looked to Levi and he nodded.

“I may be able to convince Erwin to give me a vacation day with pay. I work half a day tomorrow, but Monday I should be working.”

“You deserve a little getaway, Levi!” Petra smiled at both of us as she handed us the coffee. I paid for both and gave her a tip. “Just let me or Lizzy know if you can go!”

“Will do.” We waved goodbye to them and walked back outside. It was a nice day, the late sun still warming my face.

“So…” We walked the short distance back to the park and sat down in front of the tree again. I glanced at Levi and he turned to look at me. “How’s school going?”

“Could be worse, I guess. Math is the devil.” He snickered and nodded.

“I agree. I fucking hated math in school.”

“So, what was your favorite subject, Levi?” I watched him as he stared up at the clouds, pondering my question.

“I liked art. I also liked English a lot. Creative writing was my best subject.”

“Really?” I raised my eyebrow and he nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “I guess mine is art as well…It used to be music but…” I looked away from him, not able to keep his gaze as the memories flooded through.

“Maybe next semester?” I looked back to him and shrugged.

“Maybe…”

“Eren, if music is what drives you, then you shouldn’t push it away. Not because of a reason like that.” His voice was soothing as he spoke, wisdom dripping through each syllable.

“What do you really want to do?” He directed his stare to the coffee cup in his hand.

“I’d like to be able to write as a career actually…but for right now I’m apprenticing at Erwin’s shop to be an artist….”

“Levi, if that’s what you want to do-” He pointed at me and grinned a little.

“See? See what I mean there? YOU can do it too, Eren. I’ve just never had the balls, but I can see the determination in your eyes. You’ve got the spirit to go far.” The sun was starting to set now, orange tinting the sky above us. “I’m going to challenge you, Eren.” I looked at him, directly into grey. “Play a song for me. One song every day. Little by little you’ll learn and grow. If it’s still not what you want to do in…let’s give it three months, then you can give it up.”

“Only if you do the same thing.” I was determined in this. If I was going to push myself and work so hard to grow, so was Levi.

“And how do you want me to do that?” He raised one eyebrow and stood up. I followed him as we walked towards the apartment.

“One page a day.” He paused and looked down at his feet.

“I…I can do that.” He nodded and reached out his hand. I took his hand and we firmly shook on it. “You are on, Jaeger.” He smiled as we walked up the steps, a few kittens bravely following us up.

“They are adorable!” I lifted the black and white one, showing Levi its little white tummy.

“Tch.” He rolled his eyes and unlocked the apartment. I set the kitten down and it eyed me sadly before giving a pitiful little meow.

“Levi… I think it’s hungry…” I shut the door behind me, looking out the peep hole to see the kitten lie down on the mat. He walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a can, tossing it to me.

“Give it that. I’m not a big fan of tuna anyways. Hanji brought me an ass load of it a few months ago. Said she got it on sale for like twenty cents a can.” He shrugged and I stepped back outside. The kitten perked up, looking up at me with the same sad eyes.

“Share this with your brothers and sisters.” I scratched her behind the ears before I popped the lid on the can and dumped the tuna out to the far end of the landing. She started devouring the meat, like she hadn’t eaten in a while. Her brother and sister slowly crept up, running past me to the source of food. I watched them for a minute before walking back inside. Levi was sitting on the couch, my guitar in his lap as he cleaned off the dust.

“This thing is disgusting.” I grinned as I walked over and sat down beside him, watching as he cleaned every fret. “God knows what’s living inside.” He handed over the guitar after he cleaned it and looked at me expectantly. Fuck. He wants me to play something. I brushed over the smooth wood, frowning as I remembered the last time I actually played.

“Fuck…” I whispered it and felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You can do it, Eren.” I shakily twisted the knobs at the top, making sure it was tuned the way I wanted as I strummed over the strings. Levi handed me the pick I always kept tucked in the top strings. I thought back, trying to come up with a song to play, and my fingers tapped on the familiar strings, strumming slowly as I went. Levi’s hand rubbed my shoulder gently, encouraging me on. His voice startled me a little as he began to sing along, but the tone of his voice fit the song beautifully.

  
_All our times have come_  
Here but now they're gone  
Seasons don't fear the reaper  
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain  
We can be like they are.

I looked towards Levi as I strummed, turning slightly. His hand fell away from my shoulder and I watched as he lightly drummed on his lap. I sang along to the chorus, both of us harmonizing together. My voice was a little lighter, and higher than Levi’s, but we sounded pretty decent together.

 

_Come on baby... Don't fear the Reaper_  
Baby take my hand... Don't fear the Reaper  
We'll be able to fly... Don't fear the Reaper  
Baby I'm your man... 

 

My heart was pounding as I played. I was terrified. I was excited. Too many emotions were spinning around me. All I could focus on were my memories. Terrifying memories flooding through me.

 

_Valentine is done_  
Here but now they're gone  
Romeo and Juliet  
Are together in eternity…Romeo and Juliet  
  


_40,000 men and women everyday... Like Romeo and Juliet_  
40,000 men and women everyday... Redefine happiness  
Another 40,000 coming everyday...We can be like they are  
  
Come on baby... Don't fear the Reaper  
Baby take my hand... Don't fear the Reaper  
We'll be able to fly... Don't fear the Reaper  
Baby I'm your man...

 

I shivered, my fingers slipping and missing a chord. I felt Levi’s arm back on my shoulder, rubbing gentle circles. He was pushing. Pushing me through the torment, but he was supporting me.

 

_Love of two is one_  
Here but now they're gone  
Came the last night of sadness  
And it was clear we couldn't go on  
The door was open and the wind appeared  
The candles blew and then disappeared  
The curtains flew and then he appeared  
Saying don't be afraid

 

Levi’s voice was beautiful. It drew my attention, until he paused in between verses and I choked. The tears that were pooling in my eyes broke loose and dripped across the face of the guitar. I dropped it, the sound echoing through the tiny apartment. He pulled me into a hug and I couldn’t help but cough against his chest.

“Shhh…” His arms around me were comforting, just as soothing as his voice. “It’s alright. You did fucking amazing, do you understand me, Eren?” I nodded against him, tears soaking into his shirt. “You did so well.”

“I-I stopped. I-I’m I’m a quitter.”

“No you aren’t.” He combed through my hair and I sighed. Why did I trust him so much? Why…why was my heart still pounding? “You took the first step. You picked it up and played. That’s more than you’ve done in years. That ISN’T quitting.” I choked again and nodded into his chest. “We’ll try again tomorrow, yeah?”

“O-Okay.” I nodded and relaxed against him. Hopefully he was okay with it. I just needed contact. Needed that embrace…needed… I shook my head and tried to push all the thoughts away. I didn’t pull my face away from his chest. I simply held onto him, limply around his sides, trying to relish in the affection. Something I hardly ever got these days.

“It’s alright.” He leaned back, pulling me with him. I was nearly lying on top of him, sunk down between his stretched out legs, but I craved his warmth. His arms. I leaned my head back down, against his shoulder this time, sniffling as I wiped my tears. His hand went back to my messy hair, threading through the locks again. My eyes fluttered shut and I just breathed in. Breathed in his scent. The smell of his sweet cologne and laundry detergent. The smells of his house, like fresh citrus. He loved those wax melts, even if they were a little expensive. He had shown me his small collection he’d saved up; little by little he’d stored up a drawer full. They smelled great, made the apartment feel homey. “Do you want to talk about it?” He pretty much whispered it to me and I felt his breath on my face, so close and warm. I simply shook my head. I wasn’t ready to let those demons out of the closet yet. “Okay. It’s okay.” He brushed through my hair again. I listened to his heartbeat, steady and soothing. I felt exhaustion pulling me closer to sleep. Dragging me down. Levi’s warm arms weren’t doing much to help me fight the sleepiness. I dozed off, drifting into my dreams.

 

 

“Eren. Eren.” I was being shaken awake. Wait. My whole body was shaking. Moving?! Someone was- I opened my eyes and saw Levi still under me, shaking me awake.

“S-Sorry! I’m-” I freaked out and fell off the couch with a thud.

“You didn’t have to fall off, dork!” He rolled his eyes at me and threw his legs off the side of the couch, before he stretched.

“Wha-what time is it?” I yawned and pulled myself up beside him, onto the couch.

“Time for you to get up for school. So…fucking early?” I groaned and rubbed my face. Then it hit me. My eyes went wide as I stared at him.

“WAIT. So, we slept on the couch together all night like that?!”

“You figured it out, Sherlock.” He smirked at me as he walked towards the kitchen. “You want coffee?”

“Sure.” I was amazed. He was acting like I wasn’t on top of him all night, like he wasn’t inconvenienced or bothered by it.

“Why are you looking at me like I’m about to sprout wings and turn into a fairy?” He poured the water into the coffeepot and leaned on the counter after he hit the ‘on’ button.

“I just…you…” I shrugged and the corner on his mouth twisted up into a smile.

“Embarrassed because you fell asleep on top of me?”

“N-no…not really.” I looked away, concentrating on a chipped tile at the edge of the kitchen.

“Good. You shouldn’t be.” He pushed himself up off the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee as the rest dripped into the pot. I looked up to meet his gaze and nodded. “We’re friends. You were having a rough time.” I nodded and watched him stir sugar and cream into his coffee. “You needed me, so I was there. I feel honored that you trust me enough to fall asleep and relax like that.”

“Okay.” He sipped his coffee and decided it needed more sugar.

“Now, go get ready for school. I have to go somewhere before work.” I left him to his coffee and quickly went about my morning routine. He drove me to school and we said our goodbyes with a smile.

 

 

“Eren!” Armin ran up to me, arms full of books. I adjusted my backpack before taking three books off of his stack.

“Hey.” He smiled at me and we walked towards his locker.

“Sorry we haven’t gotten to hang out a lot lately.” He frowned as he said it, fiddling with the combination lock. “Maybe we can hang out next weekend? I work this weekend, but I think I have next Saturday off.”

“Sure. Just remind me, okay?”

“Of course!” He tapped on his head as if he were storing it away in his memory. We hurried along to our first class and the rest of the day dragged on.

 

 

That Night

“Brat, do you have swim trunks?” Levi was shoving clothes into his suitcase, along with a few toiletries to get him through the weekend.

“I think so.” I was setting my own clothes in a pile on the floor next to the dresser. I dug to the back of the drawer and pulled out a pair of old trunks, tossing them on top of the pile. I scooped up the stack of clothes and put them on the bed next to the suitcase. Levi took one glace at my stack of clothes and rolled his eyes.

“Have you heard of folding?” He picked up my trunks and started folding them, placing them neatly next to his stack in the suitcase. I grabbed a shirt and did the same, quickly folding and packing away my stack.

“I’m excited.” I threw my own toiletries in the suitcase and Levi zipped it up once I was done.

“It is pretty nice.” He plopped down on the bed, stretching out his legs. He had pajama pants on tonight, along with a long sleeve shirt. It must have been out of habit, just like mine. I joined him on the bed, plugging in my phone before snuggling under the covers. He turned out the lamp and settled under the covers with me. Just having him breathing next to me was comforting. It wasn’t the same as having him hold me, but it was nice just not being alone. My heart was aching, yearning for… I sighed and ran my hands over my face. I didn’t even know what I wanted.

“Levi…”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever… I don’t know how to explain it…” I sighed again and he turned towards me in the dark.

“Just try your best.” He moved the pillow a little, wrapping his arms around it as he stared at me.

“Have you ever…been missing something? But you don’t really know what it is?”

“Hmm…almost like being homesick?” His voice was a little muffled by the pillow, but I felt myself nodding.

“Sort of.”

“I was really homesick after…” Levi sighed and shifted the pillow around, shoving it behind his head. “Well, I guess I’ll go ahead and tell you.” He ran his fingers through his hair, brushing the invisible tangles out. “My dad…he was an unbelievable asshole. He was always shouting at my mom, calling her unimaginable names. He had the tendency to shove her around when he got drunk, but for some reason he never laid a hand on me.” He shrugged and started picking at his nails. “Well…one night, I was 16 at the time, I was over at…” He paused and groaned in the darkness. “Fuck…I haven’t told this story in a long time…”

“Well, I was over at Farlan’s. We weren’t dating at the time, just best friends. Anyways, apparently my dad had been drinking. And since my Mom had a;ready passed away, he didn't have anything to take his rage out on. Long story short, he torched the house and the fire spread to the house beside it. Apparently there was a whole family inside, and when he sobered up as it was burning down he couldn’t understand why he’d done it and ended up killing himself with the revolver he always carried.” I gasped and covered my mouth, trying to muffle my sounds. “Well, needless to say, I wasn’t allowed to go home after that. I had no home. I was in and out of foster homes until I graduated. I lived with Farlan for a while…” He sighed deeply again, looking for my eyes in the dark. “Then after everything happened there, Erwin let me crash on his couch for a few months while I worked at the shop. I saved up enough to pay for my security deposit and here I am. If it wasn’t for Erwin, I’d be fucked. But yes, Eren. I’ve been homesick and I’ve missed both of my parents. I guess I would have been able to deal with everything if they hadn’t died, but… I guess family makes the home, huh?” He breathed out and took a deep breath in. Calming himself after his story.

I simply nodded. MOST of the time family makes the home… But I guess it’s also up to the person to decide who that ‘family’ was. Family didn’t have to be blood related. They just had to be someone to trust, someone who could love you unconditionally.

“Eren, let’s get some sleep. We have a busy day tomorrow.” I nodded and settled back down, letting the sounds of our slowed breaths lull me to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the amazing Darkkestrel for being my beta!
> 
> Please comment guys. It motivates me ;)

“LEVI!!!!!” A familiar redhead ran up to us as we walked out of the shop. He had a sad expression on his face before she collided with him, crushing him in a hug. Her face was turned away from me, but I could see Levi forcing a smile onto his face. His eyes still looked so…so utterly sad. I frowned and he let go of the girl.

“Hey guys!” Petra walked up next, waving at both of us. I smiled and waved back, Levi did the same.

“Eren, this is Isabel. Have you met before?”

“Uh, not officially no.” I waved at Isabel, but she smacked my hand away and crushed me in a similar hug to Levi’s.

“EREEEEEEEN. EREN. ER-REN.” She sang my name over and over as she wiggled us back and forth, crushing the air out of my lungs.

“Let him go Lizzy!” Levi smacked her playfully on the back of the head and she released me.

“COME ONNNN! Let’s go aniki!!” He rolled his eyes and unlocked his car, grabbing our suitcase from the back. He wheeled it over to Petra’s car, a cute red and white convertible. He shoved our suitcase into the trunk. I was amazed at how packed it was. Levi just mumbled something about ‘women packing too much shit’. I chuckled and followed him into the back seat.

The drive was pretty calming. The sun was warm, dancing across my skin as we listened to the radio. Isabel sang along, so loud that passing cars could hear her I’m sure. Levi just looked somber, thoughts obviously coursing through his head as he looked out to the side, watching the slowly approaching waves. It was getting late, the sun would definitely be setting soon.

“So! This is it!” Petra unlocked the house and we stepped inside. “This room here is yours.” She pointed to the first room and I smiled. Levi wheeled the suitcase inside and parked it by the closet.

“You just want the other room because it has a door to the backyard.” Levi rolled his eyes and Petra grinned.

“Exactly! Well, we are gonna get settled in and hit the hot tub! It’s a little late this evening for a swim, so hot tub it is. We can grill out a little later if you guys want.”

“Sure.” Levi started unzipping the suitcase, pulling out a few articles of clothing and tucking them away in the empty dresser.

“See you guys in a while then! The hot tub is ready and waiting if you want to join us!” She winked and ran off down the hallway.

“Where do they get all that fucking energy?” Levi groaned. I smiled and stood on my tiptoes, trying to see the ocean from our room. “Come on, I know you want to go.” I followed Levi out onto the back porch, which had the hot tub in question off to the side. There was a fire pit and a grill along with quite a few chairs. Levi kicked off his shoes and socks, setting them neatly to the side. I mimicked him, following him down the sandy path that led through the dunes to the beach. I could hear the waves breaking against the sand. I felt at ease suddenly. We walked up to the beach and I was overwhelmed. It was huge. Actually, that was an understatement. A sea of blue and perfect white sand stood in front of us and Levi just walked closer. He rolled his pant legs up to his calves and started walking through the shallow water. I joined him, relishing in the warm waves washing over my feet.

“THIS IS AMAZING!” I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. I’d finally made it to the ocean. And maybe, just maybe, I’d found a peaceful place that I could find my sense of belonging. A center to calm myself. To learn to appreciate the world around me. Maybe everything wasn’t so bad after all.

“It is nice. Calming too,” Levi agreed as he sloshed through the water. “I came here a lot after Farlan passed away. It’s a good place to just think. You can walk through the waves and think about things, but…it just doesn’t feel so overwhelming here? Like it’s hard to want to hate yourself when you are in the center of such beauty, I guess.” Levi shrugged and I walked up to his side, walking through the gentle waves with him. The sun was starting to set now, making the already stunning ocean even more perfect. The water reflected the pinks and oranges in the sky, mirroring it for miles.

“I want to thank you. You’ve done so much for me and I don’t know how I’ll be able to repay you…”  


“That’s what friends do, brat.” I paused for a second, coming to a halt in the waves washing around us. Levi stopped as well, watching me intently.

“Levi… I…I just feel so safe around you… You know what you were talking about yesterday? About family making it home, wherever you are?” Levi tilted his head and nodded. My heart was pounding in my chest. I knew now what this ‘homesick’ feeling was. I was homesick for Levi. I was yearning to be by his side. Yearning to be something more… “I… I think you make it home for me, Levi.” He raised his eyebrow and took a step closer to me.

“What do you mean by that, Eren?” He asked it calmly, no hint of sarcasm or anger in his voice.

“I…I mean, when you hold me, even though it seems like the world is crashing down around me, I still feel safe with you. Like everything’s going to be alright. Like being in your arms is the perfect place to be.” I felt my face going red, but maybe he wouldn’t be able to tell from the sunset painting the sky and everything around us in warm hues. He stayed silent for a moment, contemplating the words I’d said and it was just enough time to linger on them. To make me think I’d said something wrong.

But then his hand moved ever so slowly as he inched closer to me. My breath caught in my throat as he reached for my hand. I watched carefully as he laced our fingers together and pulled me a little closer.

“I feel the same about you, Eren. Like you are the missing piece.” The corner of his mouth twitched up into a faint smile but then returned to a frown. “But it scares the hell out of me. The last time I…” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook the thought away. “I…I have to relearn everything. Build my confidence back up. If you want…something more, it’s going to take time…” He looked away sadly towards the ocean. My heart was pounding but I closed the space in between us, looping my free arm around his waist. He breathed out heavily before his forehead fell to my shoulder. His other hand came up slowly to hold onto my shoulder and he leaned against me. We stayed silent for a few moments, just watching the waves lap at our feet and moving back and forth in the sinking sand.

“My heart…” Levi shuddered in my arms and I looked down at the grimace on his face. He looked like he was in pain. I hated it. I hated seeing anything but that playful smirk. The occasional smile. “It was smashed into a million pieces that night. I…I’m not going to heal overnight, so you… If you think it’s too much hassle to deal with, we can still be friends. We can act like nothing happened, and-” He was rambling nonsense and I just had to stop him.

“Levi. Just…just take a deep breath.” I gave his hand a squeeze and his eyes darted over to our joined hands, slotting together like they were mates. The lock to his key. “Take all the time you need. God knows you’ve been patient with me.” I whispered it to him, lowly. There was no one else around, but I had to be sure that he was the only one that heard my words, uttered only for him. “I’ll be here for you,” I added, resting my chin against the top of his head and he fell forward against my chest. Our hands broke apart and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling himself closer. One of my hands was wrapped around his shoulder while the other went to stroke through those silky raven locks. I’d longed to do it for a few days now, but in this moment I had permission. Levi was opening up to me, allowing me into his bubble.

Before I knew it he was nodding against my chest, as if agreeing to an unknown question. I kept playing with his hair, looking out over the beautiful ocean as he breathed against my chest. Our bare feet kept brushing against one another, trying to stay atop the slick sand.

“I… will you…” He shook his head as he tried to gather the words. “Eren…just…be mine?” He looked up at me, grey eyes reflecting the brilliant oranges and reds in the sky. He had a small smile on his lips. A smile that made my heart ache with joy. “Only mine.” He said it definitely, adding a nod to the end.

“Of course I will.” I leaned my forehead against his, touching our temples together for a moment as we looked into each other’s eyes. I wanted to kiss him. It would have been SO easy to lean down and brush our lips together. My heart was pounding, trying to force me to lean a little closer and capture those perfect pink lips, but I just smiled. Smiled and brushed over his cheek with my fingertips. Levi needed time. He needed to move slowly. To be perfectly honest, so did I. This was the first real relationship I had actually wanted to invest anything in. All my past relationships had been with girls that were too snotty to care or girls who didn’t even vaguely interest me. Now I knew why. There was something better out there. That something had raven hair and beautiful grey eyes that had just the perfect tinge of blue. Piercings that worked alongside his beautiful face to accentuate every curve, every rut and fold all the way over his ears. Just the right amount of eyeliner to make you wonder what lay beneath the smoky recesses. And a soul that was beautiful, inside and out, but damaged just like mine. Maybe, with time, we could find some meaning in this world together and repair some of the holes that were made by bad memories. By life-altering events.

 

I held Levi close as we stood there, wrapped in each other's arms. I had someone now, someone that accepted me the way I was. Someone who was willing to stay by my side, through the highs and lows. I felt warmth ghost through my shirt and I ran my fingers through those silky locks again. Levi's eyes were closed as he buried his face against my chest and that was perfectly fine. I could look down at his beautiful face forever, just memorizing every detail.

Night was quickly setting in, taking the tide with it, and we were left standing in the wet sand, huddled together.

"BIG BRO! EREN! DINNERRR!!" We jumped at the sound of a voice coming from the house, but we soon realized who it was. Levi gently slid from my arms with a sigh. I timidly reached out, brushing my fingers over Levi's and the corners of his mouth twitched up into a smile. He laced our fingers together, and his warm hand wrapped around mine. It was new, exciting and in so many ways what I yearned for. We walked back towards the house, hand in hand, and stepped up onto the deck. The fire pit was going and so was the grill.

"We made shish kabobs!" Isabel said excitedly as she bit a piece of meat off her stick. Levi just shook his head and pulled me towards the grill where Petra was plating the skewers. I was handed a plate, as was Levi. We all ate, making small talk and enjoying the delicious food and the sounds of the crackling fire and the waves breaking on the beach in the distance.

After dinner, Levi scooted closer to me, weaving our fingers together as he rested his head on my shoulder.

"Aniki, you and Eren seem pretty friendly lately." Isabel waggled her eyebrows and Levi rolled his eyes. Petra tossed a throw blanket to Isabel and walked over to us, draping a blanket over the both of us.

"I think it's sweet, Izzy. Leave the two lovebirds alone." Petra smiled brightly at us before she plopped down in her rocking chair, snuggling under her own blanket. "Sooo, ARE you two lovebirds?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "Officially?" Levi simply answered with a nod, adjusting the blanket so it covered us both evenly. Isabel smiled at us and leaned her head back to look up at the stars. I felt Levi do the same, but then his fingers tensed around mine. His face tucked down against my shoulder and I heard him sigh.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” Isabel asked as she stared up. I tilted my own head back and glanced at the bright speckles in the sky.

“Levi…” I looked to my shoulder and grey eyes met mine. “What’s wrong?”

“I…we…” He shook his head and pressed his face against me again.

“Do you want to go inside?” He simply nodded against me and we went inside. Away from the fire and away from the beautiful stars. We locked ourselves away in the bedroom and Levi sat on the edge of the bed, face cradled in his hands. “Want to talk about it?”

“I feel so stupid. I just…” He sighed and I sat beside him, hand running over his back gently. “It’s been two years and I keep having these memories…they just pull me down into a low so fast. Everything is just so confusing.” He looked at me, expression filled with pain. I pondered for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“Maybe we can make some new memories. Maybe then you won’t think of the old ones that often?” His expression softened a bit and he lifted his hand up the cup my cheek. “I know it’s hard for you…” He stood up suddenly, grabbing my hand and yanking me up from the bed. “Levi-” He led me out of the room, to the front door where we slipped on our shoes. He still hadn’t said a word, just silently moving. We walked out the front door, taking the long way around the house to avoid Petra and Isabel. I could hear the waves again. We were getting closer to the ocean. He pulled me through a little path leading to a boarded walkway with a small set of stairs and a bench at the top. If we went down the stairs we’d be right on the beach. “Levi, what-”

“We…the night it happened, we went out to the rooftop to look at the stars together. Right before we went inside and-” I heard his voice crack and he shook his head, trying to will away the memory. I wrapped my arms around him and tugged him right against me. He breathed against me deeply a few times before his arms wrapped around me as well. “Eren…” It was almost like a question. A question he was scared to ask.

“Yeah?” I could practically feel his heart pounding out of his chest against me.

“Are you sure you want to be with someone as fucked up as I am?” He didn’t look up as he said it, just held on firmly to me.

“Levi, you aren’t fucked up. You’ve been through some tough times. I wouldn’t think you were human if you didn’t have any emotional problems because of it. You aren’t a robot. It’s okay to feel. I just want you to be happy.” He finally looked up at me. I could see the pain in his eyes, but there was also another emotion. Something close to longing.

“Eren, please…make new memories with me.” The hurt practically drained from his face as my fingertips ghosted over his cheek, brushing it gently with my thumb.

“I’d like that more than anything, Levi.” The corner of his lips turned up into a tiny smile and I took his hand in mine and started down the steps.

“What are you-” I ran along the beach with him, tugging him behind me. We ran through the dunes and finally found the perfect spot. A grassy patch close to the beach. I came to a stop in the tiny patch of perfect grass and plopped down in it. I pulled Levi down and he practically tripped from the sudden movement. I caught him easily in my arms, pulling him right against me. “Eren…” A small smile twisted at his lips and just the faintest hint of happiness from him made my stomach lurch. I wanted more than anything to see Levi happy. He’d struggled so much. It was time to make him smile.

“See that star?” I pointed up at the sky and Levi turned his head to see where I was pointing. I felt his hair fall against my shoulder and I glanced over at him for a moment, illuminated only by the stars and the moonlight.

“The north star?” He raised an eyebrow at me curiously but I shook my head.

“No, the one to the right of it. It’s almost as bright.” His eyes searched the sky and he nodded as they finally met with the star in question. “That’s our star. We get to name it.” He blinked a couple of times, then he turned his head to look at me.

“What are we naming it?” I thought for a moment and shrugged, not really able to come up with a good name.

“I picked the star, you name it.” His eyes turned up towards the sky again and that twitch of a smile crept across his lips again.

“Freedom.” We both stared up at our star for a while until it disappeared behind a cloud.

“I like that name.” Levi hummed against my shoulder, head resting on my arm. We stayed silent for a while, only the sound of waves and crickets echoing through the night around us.

“Eren…” I looked over at Levi and he scooted closer to me, hand burying itself in my hair. I could feel the warmth of his breath. I could see his eyes shining like liquid silver in the moonlight. He was so close. So warm against me.

“Hmm?” He slowly closed the distance between us, his other hand brushing against my cheek. Our noses touched for a moment before our lips met. So warm and soft. My mind was spinning and I was only broken from my thoughts as his tongue ran over my bottom lip. I let him take over, trying to settle down the pounding in my chest. His tongue dove into my mouth, searching, exploring. He tasted as sweet as I had imagined, perfect. Our kiss was tender and careful, not wanting to push each other’s boundaries too much. Our tongues danced together, slowly and deliberately. Levi let out a soft little moan and I felt it vibrate through my lips. I pulled back, breaking the kiss so I could breathe. Levi licked his lips before ducking his head down against my neck. His voice broke the comfortable silence between us, breath tickling my neck.

“T-Teach me Eren.” His voice cracked and my hand drifted to his head, running through those beautiful locks. “How to love again.” My heart broke into pieces. I hated that he was hurting. I wanted to fix everything. I’d give anything for him to be happy. I was already falling for him. His personality, his voice, his looks. Everything. I couldn’t find the words to answer him, so I just hugged him close. We laid under the stars for a while, his face remaining tucked against my shoulder. A cool breeze made us both shudder, the early morning dew misting around us.

“Let’s go inside,” I whispered and he nodded, standing up to walk back to the house with me, hand in hand. We snuck through the door quietly so we wouldn’t wake the girls and made our way to our room. Levi shut the door behind him and I turned on the lamp beside the bed, basking us both in an orange light. He kicked off his pants as he usually did, not bothering to slip on pajamas. I felt my face heat up and glanced away, averting my gaze to my belt. I pulled off my own jeans and dove under the covers.

“You’ve seen me in my underwear before. Why are you getting red faced on me now?” Levi teased and I tried to bury my face under the blanket. He snickered and tugged the blanket down, staring right into my eyes. “I had a good time tonight,” he whispered and I couldn’t help but smile. He leaned over, tilting his forehead against mine. “I can feel your heart pounding.” He smirked, before touching our lips together. This kiss was a bit shorter, but he tasted just as sweet. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Levi.” He drew back a little to shut off the lamp, and then he tucked himself against my side. His head was resting right on my shoulder and I watched as his eyes closed. Before I knew it, I was drifting off, welcoming pleasant dreams.


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta darkkestrel

The next day was spent lounging around the house and trying to get familiar with our new relationship. We were getting dressed to go down to the beach, when I froze. I hadn’t been swimming since I’d went with Mikasa and Armin years ago. Before…  
“Uh…Levi.” He looked over at me as he laced up his swim trunks.  
“Yeah?”  
“I…I don’t think I’m going to swim, so…” He raised an eyebrow at me before walking towards me.  
“Are you uncomfortable?” I frowned and averted my gaze. “You are. I can tell. Listen, if it makes you feel better, just swim in your shirt.”  
“Long sleeves for swimming?” It sounded crazy. He shrugged and wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“If it means you swimming with me, then yes.” I sighed and leaned my head down against his shoulder. “I’ll be swimming without a shirt.” My eyes went wide and I jerked my head up to look at him.  
“R-Really?!” He rolled his eyes and smirked  
“Yes, brat. So you won’t be the only one. Besides, Izzy and Petra won’t judge you. If they judged people, then they wouldn’t be my friends. It’s hard not to judge someone like me.” I nodded and stepped back. I pulled off my shirt, feeling the heat flood my cheeks. No one had seen me without a shirt for years. And Levi had only seen my arms. “Mhmm… you better be careful, Jaeger.”  
“Wha-“  
“We might not make it to the beach.” He winked at me and my face went impossibly hot. Levi stepped forward and ran a hand over my chest, looking me over.  
“I-I…” He snickered and leaned up to press a kiss to my cheek. Levi hooked his fingers under his own shirt and lifted it over his head before he folded it neatly and placed it on the bed. That’s when I saw them. Not just the three little cuts from the night in the park, but multiple scars. Evenly spaced and impossibly straight. Some were deeper than others, but a sense of familiarity swept over me. I had to let him know… “I really like you, Levi.” Another small smile, and he was stepping up against me. I leaned down and captured his lips in a warm kiss. A kiss we were both probably waiting for. We needed that connection, that comfort. I wrapped my arms around his neck, as his fell to my waist. It was a little awkward, seeing as I was quite a bit taller than him, but it worked nonetheless. My hand slid over his bare shoulder, brushing against a rough mark. When the kiss broke, I glanced at his shoulder. I could see the scar wrapping around it. The edges were ragged and deep. It wasn’t like the scars on his arm.  
“I’ll tell you about it one day.” He pulled me back against him, pressing another kiss to my lips. “Just…give me time, okay?”  
“Of course.” He gave me another smile before he tugged me towards the door. I guess it was time to do this. I felt impossibly bare as we walked out onto the back porch. Isabel was hopping up and down in her yellow bikii, an inner tube around her waist. Meanwhile, Petra was left carrying the bag of stuff. I scooted closer to Levi, trying to shield myself from their gazes somewhat.  
“LETS GO!!!!” Isabel hopped again and started off down the sandy path. I fell back, walking next to Levi as we followed Petra and Isabel to the beach. “COME ON ANIKI!!!” She yelled before she ran right into the ocean.  
“Give me a minute!” He waved at her and took a bottle of sunscreen from Petra. He poured some into his hands before he stepped close and started rubbing it over my shoulders. My face went red and I whimpered as his hands started moving down.  
“L-Levi…” I jerked back and he cocked his eyebrow, hands still slick. “I can do it.” He poured some sunscreen into my hands, before moving to my back. His hands felt nice as he gently rubbed in the cream. I rubbed over my own arms, dropping my head in the process. “Sorry.” I expected a comment, but he simply hugged me from behind and kissed the back of my shoulder. He knew. He understood. Every little insecurity I had about myself, about my scars, he completely understood. Levi moved back to the front of me and poured more sunblock onto his hands. He stepped closer and I watched closely as his hands moved over my chest.  
“Is this alright?” He quietly asked as he watched what he was doing. I just nodded. It wasn’t my arms at least.  
“COME ON LOVE BIRDS!” Isabel called from the water. My right hand flew to my left arm. Why was I jumpy all of a sudden? My heart was pounding. I squeezed my eyes shut and just tried to listen to the waves.  
“Eren.” Levi’s hand wrapped around mine and I opened my eyes to look at him. At the concern washing over his face. “Let’s go for a walk.” I nodded, gripping his hand tightly.  
“BRO-“  
“We’ll be back in a while, Izzy. Have fun with Petra for a while.” He guided me forward with a hand on my lower back. This strip of beach was perfect. No one was around this weekend; we had it to ourselves. We walked for a few minutes until we came to a nice spot away from the girls. My heart was still pounding in my chest. Levi stopped walking and turned to face me, grey eyes staring right into mine. I swallowed hard, trying to clear the lump in my throat. He dropped the sunblock in the sand by our feet and took my other hand in his.  
“Close your eyes.” I was going to protest, but he cut me off before I could. “Trust me, Eren.” My hands were trembling in his, but I tried to focus on his thumbs running over my hands. I hesitantly let my eyes slide shut, then I felt him step closer. “Listen to the waves. To my voice.” I squeezed his hand and he squeezed it right back. “Take a deep breathe.” I did, breathing in the fresh ocean air. I could feel the sun warming my skin already and my feet sinking in the wet sand. “Another.” I repeated my deep breath, filling my lungs and easing my tension. I felt a hand on my chest, delicate and gentle as ever. His arms wrapped around me and I took another deep breath. “That’s it.” I was torn. Torn between wanting to claw at my arms, run away and hide, or hold onto him so tightly that I was sure he’d break.  
I felt my arms move on their own, wrapping around his chest and locking behind his back. My head dropped to his shoulder and I shuddered. Everything was so new. So terrifying. I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t control it. What if he thought I was crazy? What if he-  
“If I could tear you from the ceiling, and guarantee a source divine.” My stomach dropped at the perfect voice singing to me. Singing for me. I clung to him tighter, feeling the words vibrate through his chest.  
“Rid you of possessions fleeting, remain your funny valentine.” I felt the tension easing away. I focused on his beautiful voice. On the lyrics he was singing to me. “Don't go and leave me, and please don't drive me blind.” His fingers swept through my hair and I opened my eyes. The sun was shining down on both of us, the waves splashing over our feet. “Don't go and leave me, and please don't drive me blind.” I pulled back a little to steal a glance at his perfect face. Of those gorgeous lips that were annunciating each syllable with care as he sung. His eyes caught mine, and he smiled. A genuine smile that he’d reserved just for me.  
“If I could tear you from the ceiling, I know the best have tried.” He shifted a bit, moving his arm in between us. I looked down and my eyes met that marred skin. He stepped back a little and took my hand, bringing it close to his forearm. “I'd fill your every breath with meaning, and find a place we both could hide.” My breath caught in my throat and I felt my eyes stinging. His skin was soft, but I felt all of the bumps and scars running underneath my fingertips. He was being so open with me. So trusting. “Don't go and leave me, and please don't drive me blind.” I felt my lip tremble and a sigh escaped me as I felt a tear run down my cheek. My hand shook as I reached for his and led it to my own arm.  
I had to do this. I had to accept the fact that Levi cared. That he wasn’t judging me. “I know we're broken, I know we're broken.” His fingertips ghosted over my arm. Over my ugly skin. My flaws were out there in between us now. My weaknesses. “If I could tear you from the ceiling, I'd freeze us both in time.” My eyes went wide as he paused his singing so he could bring my arm up to his lips. He peppered my arms with kisses, making my heart flutter. Why? Why was he treating me like such a precious object? Like I mattered? With one final kiss, he let my arm fall gently between us. Our eyes locked again and he started running his fingers over my cheek, over my jaw, ever so softly down my neck. "Find a brand new way of seeing. Your eyes forever glued to mine.” My heart was pounding but for an entirely different reason now. I was aching for him so I leaned over and brought our lips together.  
I wanted to devour him, but I settled on kissing him roughly, letting out all my raw emotions into the kiss. To try and convey my feelings. He pulled back only for a second to kiss right to the side of my mouth as he played with the curls in my hair. When we broke apart, he smiled up at me before picking up the forgotten bottle of sunscreen. We finished putting it on before he took my hand and led me into deeper water. He splashed me playfully and we waded around in the frothy waves, hand in hand.  
After a while of getting used to the water, I finally jumped into the deeper area. Levi jumped in right after me, swimming up to my side. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips before he slicked his hair back out of his face.  
“So, what do you think of the ocean?” He smirked at me and I splashed him again.  
“I love it! It’s so calming.” I floated closer to him and snaked my arms around his waist.  
“I love it here. It’s easy to just relax and forget your worries for a while.” I leaned my forehead against his and he sighed happily. “Do you want to head back down to Izzy and Petra?” I frowned for a moment, but Levi traced over my lips with his thumb. “Don’t look so sad. I like it better when you smile.” I nodded and we started back to the shore. He grabbed the bottle of sunscreen and took my hand again, walking slowly back to the girls. “I’m here, okay? There’s absolutely no reason to be afraid of either of them.”  
“I’m not afraid…”  
“You are afraid of what they’ll think.” I stopped and looked out over the ocean. He was right.  
“Maybe…”  
“Believe me, Eren. They are two of my best friends. I wouldn’t put you through that. I know they will love you.” I had to trust him, had to believe him. Anything was better than being stuck in my old house. I had to take a risk. I couldn’t just push everyone away forever.  
We began walking again, and although I still felt bare and exposed, at least Levi was by my side. He made me feel a little stronger. I could do this.  
“ANIKI!! EREN!!! Come ooooon!” Izzy was floating around in her inner tube and I watched as Levi rolled his eyes.  
“You know, I heard a thing about sharks and how they LOVE to play with inner tubes!” Levi called out to her and she screamed and slipped out of the tube before running out of the water to toss it on the beach. Levi started to chuckle and she proceeded to shove him.  
“You are a jerk!” She stuck her tongue out and Levi just shook it off, before pulling me back towards the ocean. Petra was asleep under her umbrella with a book laying on her chest. We swam around with Izzy for a few hours until it was time for dinner. Overall, it was a fantastic day and I was sad that tomorrow would be our last day here.  
I awoke the next day pretty early. Levi was curled up next to me, but I didn’t want to wake him. He just looked so peaceful. I slipped out of bed and threw on some clothes, then I grabbed my guitar and headed outside. Petra and Isabel were still asleep as well, so I made my way down the path to the beach. I found the grassy spot we’d laid on a couple of days ago and I sat down with my guitar on my lap. I practiced some chords first, then I started playing an old song I still remembered. I played through the entire thing before setting my guitar to the side so I could just listen to the waves for a while.  
“You’re unbelievable.” I jumped, startled that I hadn’t heard Levi walk up behind me. He handed me a hot mug of tea and plopped down beside me.  
“I’m not that great.” I shrugged and he shook his head.  
“I’m not joking, Eren. I know you haven’t known me for very long but you know me well enough to know I’d tell you if you were shit or not. You have talent.” I smiled before taking a sip of tea.  
“Thanks.” He rubbed over my lower back, leaning against my shoulder. “What time are we leaving?”  
“As soon as the girls are packed up. So, an hour maybe?” I frowned and looked out over the beautiful ocean.  
“I wish we didn’t have to leave.” He nodded, continuing to rub over my back. My phone started to ring and I answered it, not really recognizing the number.  
“Hello?”  
“Eren. Glad I could finally get ahold of you.” I nearly hung up but Dad cut me off before I could. “I’m sorry! Okay? I…I was wrong son.” My stomach dropped and Levi must have noticed because his hand started rubbing my thigh soothingly. I put the call on speaker, not wanting to deal with this by myself.  
“I…Dad you treated me like shit.”  
“And I’m sorry for that. I was completely out of line. I want to try again.” I looked over to Levi, noticing his frown. “You deserve to have a happy home life, son.” I reached for Levi’s hand, squeezing it for support.  
“How can I believe you?” There was a pause, and finally he cleared his throat.  
“All you can do is trust my word, son. I promise things will be different. The door is open if you want to come back.” With that he hung up and I tossed my phone to the side.  
“What do I do, Levi?” I buried my face in my hands and shook my head  
“Eren, he put you in the fucking hospital.”  
“I know…but…I just want everything to be normal again.” I heard Levi sigh, but he kept rubbing my leg.  
“That’s your call, Eren. If it’s what you decide to do then I’ll support your decision. I’ll be with you either way.” I nodded and we were pulled from our conversation by Petra.  
“All packed and ready, Levi!” He nodded and, after I grabbed my guitar, we walked back towards the house to grab our bags and leave.  
When we got home, I started packing up my own bag. I left quite a bit of my stuff at Levi’s, but I made sure everything was neat so he wouldn’t have to deal with mess. I hated imposing on Levi, maybe he would be better off without me here.  
“What’s this?” I heard Levi say from the house as he sorted through the mail he got while we were away. I glanced at his hands and he held up a check. “It’s for $500. There was a note attached. Mr.Ackerman, you have been left a sum of money which will be distributed bi-weekly. Thank you for your time.” I looked at him and shrugged.  
“So, I’m just going to get $1,000 a month for no reason?” He looked the letter over again and I smiled.  
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”  
“What the fuck does that even mean?” I laughed and rolled my bag to the door. Levi grabbed his keys and we loaded up the car.  
“This is going to be weird.” Levi looked at me and nodded as we pulled into the driveway.  
“Eren, listen to me. If you need anything at all, you call me. If you need me to get you or anything. Any time. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning, I’ll be here.”  
“Thank you, Levi.” I kissed him quickly before jumping out of his car and grabbing my bag, wheeling it inside. I knocked on the door and Dad opened it, greeting me with a smile that seemed out of place. When was the last time he smiled? I waved to Levi as he pulled out of the driveway and drove off.  
“I didn’t make anything for dinner yet, how about pizza? You choose the toppings.” I shrugged and we ordered pizza and sat around the rest of the evening. It was awkward at first, but he apologized. At least he was trying at the whole "being a normal dad" thing.  
I hauled my suitcase upstairs, discovering it just how I left it. I plopped down on my bed only to feel my phone start to vibrate.  
“Hello?” It was Levi. I’d recognize his silky voice anywhere.  
“Hey, I was just checking to see how things are going?”  
“Awkward at first but things are actually good…for once. We ate pizza and watched TV together.  
“Wow. That’s surprising.”  
“Yeah. It’s a little weird. We haven’t really spent time together since Mom… well you know.”  
“Yeah. Well, just remember I’m here if you need me. And…what are you doing Friday evening?”  
“I have school until 2:30, then I’m free after that. Why?”  
“How about I take you out for coffee?”  
“L-like a date?” I stuttered, not really sure if I was understanding correctly.  
“No, like I’m going to take you out and treat you to coffee before we go play football. Yes, a date.” I could feel his eye roll through the phone and I chuckled.  
“That sounds great. Is Friday your early day?”  
“Yeah, I get off at 4:00.”  
“I can meet you at the shop then.”  
“Sounds good.”  
“Well, I’ve had a pretty crazy day today. I guess I’ll try to get some sleep before school.”  
“Goodnight Eren.”  
“Night.” I hung up and plugged my charger into the wall and grabbed my guitar. I played through a few chords and a song before slipping into bed. The last things on my mind before I slipped into a haze of sleep were Levi’s stunning eyes and those perfect lips.

 

That Friday  
I walked from school to the shop that day. It was rainy and gloomy all day and pretty chilly as well, so I bundled up inside my sweater, hoping that it would keep me warm. The bell rang to the shop when I walked in, and Hanji squealed and ran over to me.  
“EREN!!! I MISSED YOU!” I smiled and she crushed me in a hug.  
“OI! Shitty glasses, let him go before he passes out.” She pulled back and Levi waved at me, walking over to his tools to clean them. He had black gloves on which matched his outfit perfectly as always.  
“We’ve still got another hour.” Levi looked at the clock and frowned. “Want to hang out until then?” I smiled and started digging through my backpack for the precious sheet of paper.  
“Actually…I brought this.” I handed the paper to him and his eyes went wide.  
“You’ve got to be shitting me. He actually signed it?”  
“Yeah he did. I figured it was worth a shot to ask, so I did. I guess he wants to keep me around so bad that he’s willing to be more lenient.”  
“Wow.” Levi kept shaking his head in disbelief. “So, I guess you are my customer today, huh?” He raised an eyebrow and I nodded. “Well, what do you want done?”  
“I think my ears for today.” He nodded and started getting his tools ready as I sat down in the chair. My heart was pounding a little. I had to admit, I was kind of nervous.  
“It’s not that bad, Eren!” Hanji grinned and plopped down in the chair against the wall. I heard Levi change his gloves and he ripped open a package. I flinched as he rubbed my ear with the cool wipe.  
“Hold still, brat. It’s just an alcohol wipe.” I held onto the arm of the chair and tried to stay still. “Or, if you don’t want me to do it, I can hold you hand while Hanji does it.” The thought of Hanji getting near me with anything sharp was enough to terrify me.  
“N-No it’s okay. I want you to do it.” I met Levi’s sharp gaze and he went back to work, cleaning both of my earlobes meticulously. He let me choose the earrings and he opened up the package. I felt something cold clamp down on my ear and I clawed the chair.  
“OH! Eren is so cute. Here!” Hanji jumped up and reached for my hand.  
“Ready?” Levi said it above me and I wanted to shake my head no, but I wanted this.  
“Yeah.”  
“Alright. Deep breath.” I took a breath and breathed out. In again. “One, two, three.” I squeezed my eyes shut as the needle pushed through. It really wasn’t that bad. I felt Levi fiddling with my ear, probably screwing the back on. “All done with that side.” He stepped in front of me and leaned down. “You alright?” I nodded and he smiled before he brought our lips together. Just a quick peck on the lips but it was enough to make me go red.  
“Levi, stop kissing the customer,” Erwin teased.  
“This one’s mine, eyebrows.” Erwin just chuckled and went back to shading the piece he was working on, which happened to be on Mike’s calf. “Okay, time for the other one.” I held onto Hanji’s hand again as he repeated the action, screwing on the end of the earring. He handed me a mirror and I looked into it, grinning at the silver studs in my ears.  
“I love them!” He smiled and started cleaning up.  
“I’ll give you the aftercare instructions before we leave.”

Levi did as he promised he would, giving me a recipe for a saltwater soak and directions for aftercare. He drove to the coffee shop, which to be honest we could have walked to but it was too rainy and muddy out to bother. He ordered tea and I got a latte. We sat down at the booth in the back, and I sat beside him, tucked against his side. His arm was around my shoulders and it helped to warm me up from the cold, rainy day.  
“This is nice.” He took a sip of his tea and nodded.  
“Yeah, it is.” My phone vibrated and I saw Dad’s picture pop up.  
Dad: Be home by 9. I need to talk to you before I go to bed.  
“It’s Dad. He wants me home by 9.”  
“I think I can arrange that.” I looked at the clock on my phone. 4:30. We still had a few hours to spend together.  
“So, what do you want to do after this?” I sipped on my coffee, enjoying the warmth.  
“Well, I was going to suggest the park but, seeing as it’s pissing rain outside, why don’t we just go back to my apartment and watch a movie?”  
“Sure!” We finished up our drinks, not really rushing through anything and made our way to the car. Levi drove back to his apartment complex and we ran up the stairs to get out of the rain. Even though we ran inside, my sweater still got soaked. He pulled off his wet hoodie and hung it on the back of the door.  
“You’re soaked.” He shook his head and kicked off his shoes. I mimicked him and followed him into the bedroom. “Sweater off.”  
“But-“  
“No buts. Here.” He laid out one of my shirts on the bed with his extra hoodie beside it. I threw on the shirt and zipped up the hoodie. The smell of his cologne wrapped around me, but there was a hint of something else. Something that smelled delicious.  
“Why does it smell like that?” He cocked his eyebrow up and leaned over to smell it.  
“Oh, that? It’s from the cloves I smoke. I must not have washed it since the last time.  
“You smoke?” I followed him into the living room where he put on some random movie.  
“Just occasionally. Usually when I’m stressed out.” He sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. He raised his eyebrow at me and smirked. “Why are you on the other end of the couch? Scared of me?”  
“N-No!” I scooted closer just as Levi swung his legs up onto the couch. I got closer to him, but apparently it wasn’t close enough. He pulled me closer, practically sitting me on his lap. My legs were in between his, and his chest was pressed up against my back.  
“There. That’s better.” I relaxed into the warmth around me and leaned my head back against his shoulder. His hands were rubbing little circles on my arm as we watched and I sighed in contentment. This was perfect. Snuggled up together on a rainy day. “Eren…” I looked back at him and he smiled, guiding me to lay chest to chest with him. I felt my face flood with heat, but he didn’t comment on it. He just tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and looked into my eyes like I was the only person on Earth. He tilted my chin up a bit and brought out lips together. That same sweetness, those perfect lips. This was different from the kiss we’d shared on the beach. It was deeper, less hesitant. Levi’s tongue swiping against mine fluidly, ever exploring. We broke only for seconds at a time, before diving in for more. More of one another. Craving each other. The movie ended quite a while ago, some random song repeating on the menu screen. Heat was starting to flood to other areas and I pulled back and ducked my face into his shoulder.  
“I-I’m sorry. I…” I couldn’t control it. That’s what I wanted to tell him, but I was too embarrassed. I was just some horny virgin. That’s probably what he was thinking.  
“It’s alright. You aren’t the only one with a boner.” I looked up from his shoulder and his cheeks were dusted with a tiny bit of pink. “But…we should probably cool it down for now.” Yeah. That was a good idea. I didn’t want to push him too far. Not to mention I was slightly terrified myself. I turned back around, letting him pull me snug against his chest again. I slid my phone and looked at the time. FUCK. When did it get dark outside? It was 8:30. At least I had time to make it home.  
“Hey, Levi…” His fingers swept through my curls, and he hummed against the top of my head. “Do you think…I mean…will you take a picture with me? I’d like to have it as my background…”  
“Only for you brat.” I heard him chuckle against me as I switched my phone to the front camera. We both managed to fit in the picture and he worked up a small grin. I took the picture before he grabbed my phone and took another quick one.  
“Levi!!” He chuckled and handed it back. It was an odd shot, but he’d managed to capture me with bunny ears.  
“Come on, brat. Let’s get you home.”  
The drive home was pretty boring, aside from Levi holding my hand the whole way. He kissed me at the stop sign before he dropped me off in the driveway. I walked inside and found Dad sitting at the kitchen table. He had a notepad by his hand and he asked me to sit down.  
“So, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He moved his arm a bit and I noticed the small glass with brown liquid in the bottom. I frowned as I eyed it. “I haven’t had that much. I’m trying to cut back.” I nodded and looked at the notepad. "So, tomorrow we are going to be having a little party. I want you to be on your best behavior. You can take my card tomorrow morning and we will go buy you some nice clothes for the occasion."  
“Alright.” I was a little confused, but if it meant getting new clothes out of it, then who was I to complain. I text Levi goodnight before I headed to bed. I had an early morning tomorrow.

 

  
The next day  
After a busy morning with my dad, it was finally time to get dressed for the party. He bought me a nice grey button up and a new pair of dress pants. He also insisted that I try and do something with my hair. I was currently in the bathroom with Levi on speaker as I tried to comb my hair.  
“Levi, it’s not staying!” I tried to slick it back with water, but each time it dried it would just go crazy again.  
“Do you have any gel? Or hairspray?” I looked around the sink and sighed. I usually didn’t give a damn about my hair, to be perfectly honest. I started digging through the bottom cabinet under the sink and found an old tube of hair gel. It was from a couple of Halloweens ago.  
“Okay, I’ve got gel!” I looked at the tube in my hand and frowned. The last thing I’d done with it was make my hair into a mohawk. “What do I do?” Levi sighed and I could practically feel the eyeroll.  
“Just squirt some into your hand and slick your hair back. It may take a couple tries, but it should stay.” I tried it out and sure enough my hair stuck in place. I washed my hands and cursed as I looked at the time. Dad wanted me downstairs in two minutes.  
“I’ve got to go, Levi. I’ll text you though.”  
“I expect a picture of that outfit, brat.” I chuckled and agreed before hanging up. I walked downstairs after taking a mirror picture, quickly sending it to Levi on the way down.  
There were a couple of people already taking up space in our large living room. Dad had caterers come tonight, so his guests would get to enjoy the party a little more. I opened the door at every ring of the bell, inviting stranger after stranger inside. Seeing Dad converse with his friends so freely made me miss mine. Hopefully I could find some time to hang out with Armin and Mikasa soon.  
Around 7:30, people stopped showing up so I leaned up against a wall and looked around timidly. I wasn’t that fond of strangers or small talk for that matter. A blonde girl around my age walked up to me and I had to stop myself from letting out a sigh.  
“Why so gloomy?” She sipped on her glass of wine and I shrugged.  
“This isn’t really my kind of thing.” She took a step closer and her hand fell onto my forearm.  
“Well, am I your kind of thing?” My eyes went wide and I backed up against the wall. I was trapped.  
“I uh, n-no I mean-“  
“Because your Dad said you were available.” She grinned and I froze.  
“W-What?” She raised her drawn on eyebrow up, rolling her eyes.  
“This whole shindig is for you to find a nice girl to court.” My face was turning red, I could feel it.  
“I-I…” I just shoved myself away from her and made my way into the kitchen. Luckily, it was empty so I leaned back against the counter and pulled my phone out of my pocket.  
Levi: Hot damn, Jaeger. You clean up well.  
If I wasn’t already red faced and heart rate pulsing, I definitely was now.  
To Levi: It may have just been a lie, but this girl totally hit on me. She said my dad threw this party for me to find a girlfriend.  
I took a deep breath, fiddling with the button on my sleeve. Fuck. I wanted to scratch my arm, wanted to settle my pounding heart, but I couldn’t.  
Levi: Do you think he would do something like that? That’s pretty low of him.  
To Levi: I don’t know! He said he wanted to start over. I thought he wasn’t going to be a jerk anymore.  
“Eren! Can I see you in the living room?” Fuck. I shoved my phone into my pocket and stood beside my dad in the overly crowded living room. He patted my back and swayed a little. I eyed the glass of scotch in his hand and shivered. He said he was cutting back!  
“Everyone, listen up!” Everyone turned their eyes to my dad and I frowned. “This-" He pointed to me and I looked at my feet. “Is Eren. My son.” I waved shyly and looked over at him. “And this nice young man is available, young ladies. So don’t forget to introduce yourself!” My eyes widened in horror. NO. Fuck.  
“Uh, Dad?” I whispered it lowly and he looked over at me.  
“Yeah, son?” I frowned and looked back to my feet as I said it.  
“Can I speak to you in the kitchen?”  
“Sure! Found someone you like already?” He elbowed me in the ribs with a grin on his face. We walked through the dining room and into the kitchen, and by the time we got there his glass was empty. “So, what’s going on?” He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms.  
“I…I’m not interested in these girls, Dad.” I frowned and leaned against the refrigerator.  
“Well, you should at least try and get to know them.” I sighed and dropped my face into my palms. “Well…let me say it this way. Make friends and introduce yourself to some of these nice young ladies and that friend of yours will keep getting his “inheritance” money every other week. My eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open.  
“T-That was you!?” He just grinned and began to pour himself another drink. “There is no reason for you to bring Levi into this!” My hands were shaking and he just shook his head.  
“That no good friend of yours is a bad influence anyway. Not to mention he’s from the bad side of town.” Dad just sipped his drink as he said it. “If that says anything.”  
“Shut up! You have no right to talk about Levi that way! You don’t even know him!” He grimaced and set his drink down, taking a step closer to me. It felt like the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees.  
“And you have no right to talk to me like that, Eren Jaeger.” I frowned at the use of my full name and shook my head.   
“I don’t care! Levi is a nice person! He…He…” What was I supposed to say? That he holds me when I’m upset? That he kisses away my worries? Fuck… “He’s important to me!” I saw Dad’s eyes narrow and I pressed myself up against the refrigerator.  
“Eren. I don’t like where this is going.” He shook his head and crossed his arms again. “I don’t want you hanging around that piece of garbage anymore. He makes us look bad. People of…our kind don’t hang around people like that.”  
“Fuck status symbols. I don’t care!” I’d had enough. Before I knew what was happening, Dad slapped me across the face. His ring made contact with my cheekbone and I felt my eyes watering from the impact.  
“Don’t use that kind of language, Eren! That piece of filth is starting to rub off on you!”  
“At least Levi cares about me! He actually gives a damn!” Another slap across the face had me stumbling back against the counter.  
“I give a damn, Eren! I want you to have a nice life! Go to college, get a good paying job as a doctor, marry into a nice family with a good wife-"  
“I don’t want that!” I screamed it and shook my head. “I don’t want any of that! I just want Levi!” I felt my stomach drop and I covered my mouth in shock at the random outburst. Dad froze, glaring straight through me.  
“Excuse me?” Well…it was already out now.  
“I want Levi. He’s the only person I want to be with. I don’t care about money.” My heart was racing, and in one swift motion, Dad hurled his glass at me. I dodged just in time, but the glass shattered against the wall behind me, spraying me with shards.  
“What the-" He shoved me against the counter before I could get so lucky and dodge again. “Stop! Just stop it!” I heard the sound of receding footsteps and the front door opening. Everyone was leaving. No one would help. Fuck. I wheezed out, feeling my lungs hurt. I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t even defend myself from the blows that hit me. He hit my face. My fucking face. And anywhere else he could land a kick or a punch.  
“I WON’T HAVE A SON THAT’S A FAGGOT! You weren’t raised like that!” He kicked my side again and I cried out, arm scraping against the glass shards.  
“STOP! Just stop! Please!” He kept kicking me until there was a knock on the door. He straightened his suit and I did everything in my power to pull myself to my feet. I climbed the stairs to my room and slammed the door. I locked it in the process and slid down it. I crawled to my box. My safe place. I was sobbing. When had that started? I ripped the lid off the box I’d all but forgotten about. I hadn’t cut since the day I left home. I was trying, but everything seemed like it was crashing around me. I pulled my sleeve up and let the blade dance across my arm a few times. Maybe it would distract me from the pain resonating through my body. Maybe it would take away all the sadness and desperation. I desperately craved to have a normal family. To have Mom back. To have my old Dad back. I sobbed and I cut again, dragging across old scars. Levi lost all of that income because I was selfish. Because…Levi! I shakily pulled my phone out of my pocket and stared at the screen.  
Levi: It takes a lot for an old dog to learn new tricks, but hopefully the girl just made that up.  
Eren?  
Eren, it’s been over an hour. I tried to call. I’m getting worried.  
I’m heading over there. I have a bad feeling. I’ll be on the side of the road by the stop sign. Please call me.  
The last message was sent ten minutes ago. Maybe he would be there. God, I hope so. There was a pounding on my door and I frantically called Levi. Please answer! On the second ring, he picked up.  
“L-Levi. I need your help. Dad’s been-“  
“You fucking faggot! Get out here and we will discuss this like men!” He kicked my door and I sobbed louder.  
“Please Levi!” I tossed the blade back into the box and cried harder. I was ashamed. Ashamed that I’d sunk to that level again.  
“Where are you?! I’m in front of your house.”  
“I-In my bedroom. Dad is outside. He's trying to-" The mirror on the back of my door fell and smashed. I let out a strangled sob.  
“Eren, I’m outside your window. Can you make it down?!” I struggled to pull myself up. It was hard to breathe, let alone walk.  
“I, I don’t think so. It’s hard to breathe.” Before I could understand what was happening, Levi was jumping onto my window, yanking it open from the outside. His eyes went wide and he shook his head in disbelief. “I’m so sorry. I…I did it again.” I gasped from the pain aching through me. Levi dropped to his knees in front of me and held me for a short moment. Long enough for Dad to try kicking the door again. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”  
“Eren, let’s not worry about that right now. We have to get out of here.” He was so calm it almost scared me. I nodded frantically and Levi helped me to my feet. He helped me onto the ledge of the window sill before he climbed down. “You have to jump, Eren!” He was standing there, with open arms, ready to catch me.  
“I-I don’t think I can!”  
“I’ll catch you! Trust me, Eren!” Levi looked worried, but I believed him. He wouldn’t let me get hurt. Just as I was trying to process that thought, the door finally gave in. I jumped out of the window right before Dad made it to me. I fell right into Levi’s arms with a hiss and a sob. Everything hurt. We were moving. Wait…Levi was carrying me! I ducked my head against his neck, trying my best not to soak his shirt but it wasn’t working. A car pulled up to the curb and I shuddered. No more. Please. A familiar voice echoed throughout the night and I recognized Erwin. Levi slid me into the back seat before jumping in beside me. He slammed and locked the door right as Dad tried to run to the vehicle. Erwin sped off and Levi pulled my head into his lap. I felt like my lung was tied off. I just couldn’t breathe.  
“E-Eren! Look at me!” I looked up to Levi. His eyes were wet and he rubbed his sleeve against his eyes. “You’re going to be fine. Just…just stay with me.” He ran his fingers through my hair and I nodded. I just couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop the pain. “Calm down. Shhh.” He tried wiping my tears and I just created more. “Eren…” He shook his head and I heard his low voice start to echo quietly. He was singing? I reached for his hand and he laced our fingers together.

Days before you came  
Freezing cold and empty  
Towns that change their name  
And a horn of plenty

I leaned my face against out interlocked fingers and tried to breathe normally. Tried to calm down. Sobbing was only making it harder to breathe. He was singing slowly, making the song softer than it really was. I remember it vaguely. He’s played it a couple of times in the car.

Days before you came  
Counting breaths inside me   
Even crack cocaine  
Couldn't start to hide me

Levi was singing for me. Just for me. I sucked in a sharp breath and tears leaked from my eyes. Levi tried to wipe them away. Tried and failed, so he ended up just continuing to run his fingers through my hair.

Won't you join me now  
Baby's looking torn and frayed  
Join the masquerade  
Join the masquerade

I relaxed into Levi’s touch a little. I had to. I felt my eyelids getting heavier. I squeezed Levi’s hand and the last thing I heard before I blacked out was Levi’s beautiful voice.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome :3

Levi’s POV

The ER was a familiar sight. It seemed like just a few days ago that’d we’d been here. Eren was conscious that day though. I wasn’t running up to reception with him in my arms. My heart wasn’t pounding. I wasn’t sweating. My nerves were shot.

“Name?” My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe this receptionist.

“You fucking bitch, can’t you see-“

“Eren Jaeger.” Erwin was by my side. He put a hand on my shoulder and I trembled. How could he be so calm?! “Please, if you could get him some help.” My blood was boiling.

“Oh dear! Yes I didn’t see him.” She slid the window closed and ran out of her cubicle. There was a stretcher coming out of the doors within seconds. I lowered Eren down and they secured him. I tried to go back with him, but Erwin caught my arm.

“Levi, just let them do their job.”

“But-“

“If you want to help, fill these out the best you can.” He handed me a clipboard and I took it with shaky hands. Erwin led me over to a free seat and we sat down together. I filled in Eren’s birthday, his blood type, which thankfully I had remembered from last time and little details like medication allergies.

“I didn’t put any down the last time he had me fill it out.” I looked to Erwin for help.

“Then it should be fine.” Next, I got down to the hard part. Reason for visit to the ER.

“W-What should I write?” My pen hovered over the form and Erwin looked over the question.

“Just write difficulty breathing due to injury. Multiple injuries.” I scribbled it down and underneath it asked for details. I wasn’t really sure what had happened, but I knew for a fact that his Dad had caused it. I shook my head as I wrote down _Injury caused by abuse from father._ I handed Erwin the form and he patted me on the back before taking it to the receptionist.

“Fuck. I just want to see him. I need to know he’s alright.” Erwin sighed and leaned forward to talk to me.

“I know, Levi. But the best thing we can do is stay out of the doctor’s way. You want Eren to get better fast, right?” I nodded and leaned back in my chair a little. I hated hospitals. I hated the lighting, the smell, the cold coffee.

“Aniki!” Isabel rushed up to us and hugged me. Hanji wasn’t far behind her. “What happened?” I shook my head and buried my face in her shoulder.

“His Dad beat the shit out of him. I had to make him jump out of the window and catch him, just to get him away from that psycho.”

“Oh my God! How is he?” I frowned and looked at Erwin. I couldn’t talk anymore. I was just running on autopilot.

“He was unconscious when we brought him in.” Erwin said it flatly and I buried my face in my hands. My head turned to the ER doors when ever anyone walked out. I was nervous beyond belief.

“Jaeger family?”

“H-Here!” I stayed seated, only because Izzy had a hold on my hand.

“Hello. I’m nurse Stafford. I’ve been assisting the doctors with Eren.” I nodded and squeezed Izzy’s hand. “The x rays just came back. He has a punctured lung caused by a broken rib. He’s going to need surgery.” I felt my stomach flip flop. Surgery?! That meant it was really bad. Fuck.

“When?”

“Immediately. They are prepping the ER now.”

“Can I see him?!” She frowned and nodded.

“Just for a moment. He’s awake, but he’s pretty out of it. We’ve got him on some pain medication.” I stood up and followed her through the doors. He was in the first room, surrounded by a couple of nurses. I froze for a second. He looked so bad. He was pale and wheezing as he breathed through the oxygen mask over his mouth. There was a tube going through his chest and monitors hooked up to him from every side. He had an IV on his left side. I slowly walked up to his bedside and he cracked his eyes open.

“Le-“

“Shhh. Don’t talk.” He nodded, before a tear leaked from his eye. “I’m here, okay?” He wiggled his fingers. At least this side didn’t have anything attached to his hand. I gently took it in mine, being mindful of the IV. “It’s gonna be alright.” I softly ran my fingers through his hair, trying my best to soothe him. It was hard knowing I couldn’t hold him. I just wanted to take him into my arms and hide away. I wanted to protect him. I nodded at a nurse as she scribbled down some notes, then my attention went straight back to Eren. His eyes were heavy lidded, but they were locked onto mine. They would flutter closed for a moment, before popping back open. A doctor walked up to the nurse and looked over the notes.

“Mr. Jaeger?” Eren’s eyes trailed to the doctor as he wrote a few things down. “We are going to finish prepping you for surgery now.” He gave a small nod, but he held onto my fingers. A nurse walked up to the side I was on and I broke away from Eren so she could access his IV. He whined, just a tiny whimper and I kept sweeping through his hair. Another nurse was on his other side, attaching some other device to his chest. She removed the monitor on his finger and adjusted the screen.

“You can go over to the other side if you like.” I walked around the bed and found Eren’s other hand. It was cut up pretty bad, but he reach his fingers out again. “I’m about to put him under.” I nodded and looked to my green eyed beauty.

“Eren, I’ll be right here waiting for you. Alright?” Another tear slipped out and he nodded. I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I promise I’ll be right here.” When I pulled back, his eyes were closed. His fingers went loose around mine and I swallowed hard. A different nurse escorted me out of his room as they finished prepping him.

I joined the others back out in the waiting room, before the receptionist directed us back to the ER waiting room. The nurse had handed me Eren’s things and I folded his clothes neatly in my lap. Before I could slip his phone in my pocket it began to ring. Jean? I think Eren had mentioned him before. I frowned before I answered it.

“Hello?”

“Who is this?”

“This is Levi.”

“OH! The boyfriend. Got it! Well I was calling to see if Eren was around?” I choked, but tried my best to get the words out.

“He’s ugh…He’s in surgery right now.” There was a pause and then he was screaming in my ear.

“WHAT?! What happened?! Where is he?!”

“We are at Trost Medical Center. In the emergency ER. They said it would probably take a while.”

“But what-“

“If you come I’ll tell you. I don’t really want to discuss this on the phone.” And like that I ended the call. Isabel handed me a cup of surprisingly warm coffee. I sipped on it and looked at my own phone. The screen was cracked. I’d dropped it out of my pocket when I was climbing to the ground. Fuck. That seemed like hours ago.

Not long after, a boy with brown and blonde hair came running into the room.

“JEAN! Wait up!” Another boy called after him. He was blonde and shorter than the first. A girl with jet black hair held onto the blonde boy’s hand. Her eyes were red and her face was rubbed raw.

“Where is Eren?!” He slammed his hands down on the receptionist’s desk and glared at her. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the desk.

“Eren is in surgery. Come and sit down. I’ll explain everything.” I sighed and the boy followed me back to where my little group was sitting. He took the chair across from me and the other two sat beside him.

“So what’s going on?” He looked pretty upset to say the least.

“Eren…well I’m not sure what all he has told you about his home life.” I leaned forward on my elbows and tried to keep my voice down. The blonde boy started talking.

“What do you-“

“About his Dad?” Jean interjected and Armin and Mikasa turned their eyes on him.

“Exactly. Well…his Dad did this to him.” The raven hair girl and the blonde gasped. “He must have inflicted some pretty bad damage. He punctured a lung.”

“Oh my God! Eren, no!” The black haired girl started to cry and the blonde pulled her into a hug.

“He’s in surgery now to repair it. He hasn’t been in long though. I saw him right before they put him under.”

“How…I mean…”Jean pulled at his hair trying to come up with the right words to say.

“He was conscious. Better than when we brought him in. He was really weak though. He looks pretty rough.” I frowned and thought back to the light grip he had on my hand. What I’d give to just hold his hand right now. “But all we can do now is wait.”

“Thank you Levi.”

“We just did what we could.” I shrugged and Erwin spoke up.

“Levi, you practically jumped up to his window and caught him after he jumped down. That isn’t just doing the minimum. I shook my head and looked at my feet.

“I could have done better. I could have stopped this. I-“

“Levi, Eren made his choice. He wanted to try and work things out with his father.”

“But I should have spoken up! I should have-“

“What were you going to do? Hold him hostage and say he couldn’t go back to his Dad?” I slicked my hair back and shook my head.

“I should have told him how concerned I was.”

“You did what you could. You saved Eren from that psychopath. At least he’s getting help now. I nodded and went quiet. All we could hear were the girl’s sobs and the boy trying to comfort her.

Hours passed, though it seemed like eternity. I made small talk with Jean, and after I learned their names, Mikasa and Armin. I believe Eren had mentioned them before. Eventually a doctor walked up to us and pulled up a chair.

“Eren made it through surgery fine. He’s in recovery now, and it will take a while for him to wake up.”

“When can we see him?!” Mikasa butted in but the doctor shook his head.

“Not until we get him up to a room. He’s going to be monitored very closely, but he shouldn’t need to go to ICU.”

“Thank God!” Mikasa looked like she was about to cry again. Armin and Jean were silent as they listened to the doctor.

“Does he have someone to stay with him? He will need quite a bit of assistance these next few days.” I immediately spoke up.

“I can stay.” He simply nodded and rose to his feet.

“I’ll have a nurse bring out some papers for you to look over. She will explain everything regarding his recovery.” I nodded and leaned back in the chair, breathing a small sigh of relief.

“Thank you.”

“He’s going to be alright, Aniki!” Isabel hugged me and I nodded.

“I’m glad.” I rubbed my face and sighed.

“Levi, they said it will be a while before Eren wakes up. Why don’t I run you by the apartment so you can clean up?” Erwin spoke and I was going to decline his offer, but I had to think it over. My clothes were filthy, blotches of blood stained my navy shirt.

“I think it’s a good idea, Big Bro. You can clean up before you need to watch over him.” I sighed and stood up from my chair.

“Alright.” Isabel stood and followed me and Erwin out of the waiting room. Hanji stayed behind. She knew to call me immediately if anything happened. Erwin drove me home. He went upstairs to his apartment, while Izzy followed me into my own.

“Your house is always so clean, Aniki!” I walked into the bedroom and she followed me still.

“Do you think Eren needs anything?” I asked as I opened up the dresser and pulled out a new outfit for myself.

“Hmm…maybe underwear! And socks!” She smiled as I sorted through his drawer. “Lucky for you he’ll be in that open back hospital gown.” She winked at me and I rolled my eyes. “Oh come on! You know you want a peak at his back side.” I just chuckled and grabbed my clothes. I walked into the bathroom and took the quickest shower I ever had. I threw on my fresh clothes and dropped Eren’s things into a bag, along with a couple of books I had yet to read.

We met Erwin out by his car and before he drove back to the hospital we stopped for a quick bite to eat and to pick up a pack of clove cigarettes for myself. God knows I needed one now. I lit it up in the back of Erwin’s car, knowing he didn’t really give a damn.

“You know those will kill you Bro!” Isabel frowned at me and I blew smoke out the window.

“So will cocaine and heroin. Probably faster than cigarettes, I’d imagine.” She went quiet and I sighed. “I’m sorry Izzy…”

“No, I know you are stressed out…just…I just worry about you.” She leaned across the back seat and hugged me.

“I’ll be alright. Once I see Eren and I get to be by his side, I’ll be fine.” She gave me a small smile, and before I knew it we were pulling into the hospital. Erwin carried the bag stuffed with breakfast sandwiches into the hospital. Everyone was still in the waiting room, chatting about general life. They perked up when Erwin handed them the food.

“Any news?” I sat back down beside of Hanji as she bit into a bacon, egg and cheese muffin. She nodded and swallowed.

“They are about to move him out of recovery to his room.”

“So he’s awake now?” I raised my eyebrow and she nodded.

“The nurse said he was still pretty out of it though. In and out of sleep.” I nodded and checked my phone. Pretty much everyone I knew except Petra was here with me. And she had sent a quick text.

**Petra: Tell Eren I wish him a quick recovery! I’m at work until 5pm today.**

5pm? I looked at the clock and realized it was nearly 8 in the morning. We had all been here all night. I wasn’t all that tired, I was just ready to see him.

“Jaeger?” The nurse walked up to us and I stood. “He’s in his room now. He’s been dozing off every now and then, but he does need rest. He can have visitors just for a little while, but after that I’d recommend only one person staying. He needs sleep.” We all followed her through the hallway, where she pointed to his room. “Only a few at a time.” She smiled gently at us and I pretty much ran through the door.

There he was, eyes fluttering open to look at me. He was hooked up to the IV still, and had a tube running out of his chest. Instead of the mask however, he had a cannula in his nose. His color had returned a little at least.

“Levi.” He almost whispered it, but it was his voice. I leaned down and immediately pressed my lips to his briefly. Fuck. Talk about a relief. He smiled weakly at me and wiggled his fingers. I knew well what this gesture meant, so I threaded my fingers through his.

“Fuck. I was so worried about you, brat. You can’t do that anymore or I’ll get grey hair.” He smiled again and I lightly stroked his cheek. He leaned carefully into my touch and I leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Sorry.” I shook my head and kept stroking his cheek.

“Don’t apologize. I’m just glad you are okay.” There was a knock on the door, and I looked over. They had let me have the first couple minutes alone with Eren. Mikasa, Jean and Armin entered. His eyes went wide and they darted up to me.

“W-Why? How?” I just smiled at him and moved my hand up to brush through his hair. His eyes welled up with tears and he choked.

“Shhh. Don’t cry.” He tried to take a deep breath and grimaced.

“We were worried Eren.” Mikasa took his other hand gently and Armin sat on the edge of his bed. Jean just stood next to me, looking over his weak friend.

“Sorry. So-So sorry.” Mikasa shook her head and patted his hand.

“It’s not your fault Eren. That bastard deserves…” She stopped herself and Eren frowned. “Eren…what happened to your arms?” His eyes went wide and darted to me. Shit. He didn’t have a long sleeve shirt on. He shook his head and tried to take another deep breath to calm down, but he groaned. “You…you don’t have to tell me now. But maybe in a couple days we can all sit down and talk about this, alright?” He nodded and clung to me. “I guess we will head home. The nurse said you need rest.” Another nod and Mikasa pressed a tiny kiss to his hand. Armin waved and Jean leaned over to hug him gently around his head.

“Get better soon, Eren.” He smiled and nodded, before waving one last time. Izzy, Hanji, and Erwin walked in next. Isabel pulled something out of her purse and handed it to Eren. It was an envelope. He looked confused as he held it in his hand. I took it from his hand and opened it. There were two polaroid’s inside. It was Izzy’s hobby of choice. I smiled at the photos. One of us cuddled up together on the couch outside Petra’s house and the other of me leaning my head against his in a close up. We were both smiling, although his cheeks were a little pink. I showed him the photos and he grinned, before blinking slowly.

“Those…are-“ He took a breath and winced. “Nice.” It hurt him to talk, and I wouldn’t have that.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to talk. Okay?” He nodded and leaned his head back against my arm, before Erwin spoke up.

“Feel better soon, Eren. I’ll lend you my best piercer for a while.” He winked and Eren smiled, before turning his eyes to me. I slicked his hair back, although the curls bounced right back into place.

“I’m going to stay with you while you get better. Sound alright?” He nodded and pressed a tiny kiss against my arm.

“Let’s head out and let him get some rest.” Everyone waved before leaving with a quiet click of the door. A nurse came in just seconds after they left and starting checking his vitals.

“Feeling alright?” She asked as she checked his IV. Eren shook his head no and I frowned.

“Hurts.” I looked to the nurse and she scribbled something down.

“We are probably going to up your pain meds then. Just give me a few minutes to get it ready.” Eren nodded and jerked a little. I frowned as I really looked him over. His face was bruised pretty badly, a few scratches stretching across his face. Hopefully they would heal up okay, unlike the one across his eyebrow. He was left with that scar from the day I’d originally took him to live with me. That bastard. His arms were cut to pieces also. The nurse had mentioned something about finding pieces of glass in his skin. There were a few fresh cuts across his wrist, but they had already closed up. He frowned as he saw me looking at his arms.

“S-Sorry.” He was breathing hard and I shook my head.

“It’s alright. You are safe now, okay? We can work together to get better.” He nodded and I leaned down to kiss his forehead. The nurse walked in as I was pulling back. She hooked up a new bag to his IV and attached all of the appropriate lines.

“This will help with the pain, but you will probably get pretty sleepy. But you need to rest anyway.” He nodded and looked to me.

“It’s alright. I’ll be here.” I smiled at him and he gave another weak smile.

“And, I know you are probably thirsty. I brought some water. Just small sips, okay?” He nodded and she reach me his cup. She left, leaving just the two of us. I tilted the cup down to him and he took a few small sips.

I set the cup aside when he was done and pulled the odd looking chair up to his bedside. It had been a while since I’d stayed in a hospital, but I knew how to work these crazy chairs. I fixed it so it was laying mostly flat and I threw my thin blanket over the top, tossing the paper thin pillow on the headrest.

“Do you need anything?” He shook his head and I pulled his blanket up over him, covering his arms carefully. “Warm enough?” He nodded and I sighed. Sleep was finally starting to pull at me and by the looks of it he was about to doze off as well. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his again, being careful of the cannula. “I’ll be right here if you need me, okay?” He nodded again and watched me as I plugged in my phone, shut off a few lights and stretched out as best I could on the chair.

“Levi.” My eyes looked up to him and his fingers wiggled. I smiled and reach my hand up to him. Our fingers locked together and I felt him pull my hand up a little further. His head leaned against our entwined hands and I felt him breathe gently against my fingers. It took no time for him to doze off and surprisingly I managed to pass out with my arm angled up slightly to him.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments please ;)

_I was sitting in the living room of my old apartment, crossed legged in front of the coffee table. Farlan was sitting in front of me, bright eyes shining, even though the room was dimly lit. He reach his hand across to me and our fingers intertwined for a moment, before he pulled back to open the baggie on the table._

_I licked my lips as he sprinkled the powder on the table, dishing out two equal piles in front of me. He climbed over to my side of the table and used a razor to separate each pile into three lines. We grabbed our straws and within seconds we were snorting the coke, floating away to a place far better than this. Far happier. Anything was better than this damned city. I felt him grab onto my hand again and we fell back together, laying on the floor as we stared up at the ceiling._

_“Hey Farlan.” I felt a smile tugging at my lips, but I knew it was from the drugs. The happiness was only temporary, soon to be followed by a gut wrenching crash._

_“Yeah.” He was playing with the webbing between my fingers, tickling every nerve on my hand._

_“Why do you think we have it so shitty?” I watched as the ceiling spun, and I tried to keep my mind from racing._

_“Who knows? It all depends on where and who you were born to I suppose. Something that’s not really in our control.” I laughed, almost like a mad man at the sudden rush flowing through me._

_“We can’t control it. Isn’t that some bullshit? Just because we were born poor it means we have to stay poor. Always getting looked down at by the ones who are better off. That’s why I want to write, Farlan. I want to make a great novel. A series even! I want to hide behind my words for a while, use a pen name. Then, when the world is crazy about my book, I’ll come out of the shadows and prove them wrong! I’ll prove all of them wrong!” I was clapping my hands together as I figured out my plan._

_“I know you can achieve it! Promise me you won’t give up!” He was grinning at me and brought my hand up to his lips._

_“I fucking promise you, Farlan Church. The world will know my name one day!”_

I jerked awake and bolted up in my chair. I was shaking, I could feel my fingers trembling. I heard a wheeze as Eren tried to sit up beside me in his bed.

“Le-Levi.” I stood up and went to his side. I took his hand in mine and he squeezed it gently. “You okay? You-“ He struggled to take a breath, face contorting in pain, but he continued on. “Screaming.” I frowned and leaned down to bury my face against his neck ever so gently.

“I’m alright. Just a nightmare.” He made a noise of disapproval as his opposite hand went up to thread through my hair. “You shouldn’t move so much, I don’t want you-“

“Shut up.” He smiled weakly and tilted my head back against his neck. “I’m fine.” He was breathing heavy and paused for a few seconds to catch his breath. “Worried about you.” I felt like breaking apart. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I had to be strong for Eren. I held his hand firmly in mine and just tried to take deep breaths, willing Farlan’s face out of my mind. When would he stop haunting me? “Levi.” I drew my head up from his neck to watch him as he tried to fiddle with the edge of the bed.

“Eren, stop moving around so much.” I frowned as he wiggled over to the far left of his tiny bed. His face relaxed as soon as he was settled and he patted the bed next to him. “I can’t-“

“Please Levi.” He was frowning and I just couldn’t find it in my heart to say no.

“Fuck, Eren I swear. You are a brat.” I carefully settled myself on the edge of the bed, being extremely careful not to touch his chest. He pulled me a little closer, ever so gently. I gave in and tilted my head against his shoulder, holding his arm against me. “Comfortable?” He simply nodded and shared a corner of his blanket with me. It took a while for me to doze off again, unlike Eren who pretty much passed out immediately from his medicine. After I did finally fall asleep, the rest of the night was dreamless.

 

 

A knock on the door roused me from my sleep and I had barely opened my eyes as a nurse was walking in with a cart.

“Rise and shine!” She flicked on the lights and I just wanted to press my face into the pillow. The one I happened to be sharing with Eren. “Ooooh what do we have here?” She put her hand on her hip and smirked. “Was the chair really that bad?” Eren was waking up as well, slowly rubbing at his eyes.

“Wanted him here.” Eren simply stated before taking a breath. I sat up and stood from the bed, walking over to the tray she’d brought in.

“Lucky for you, you should be able to handle solids tomorrow.” She smiled and lifted the top of the tray. Eren tried to sit up, but he groaned and I proceeded to run to his side.

“Babe, stop!” His eyes went wide and his face turned red as he froze. “You have to be careful, Eren.” The nurse moved to his other side and we gently sat him up, with the aid of the electric bed.

“There we go! You should really listen to your nurse here.” She nodded towards me and Eren’s blush deepened. “I will be on duty until 8pm. If you need anything give me a buzz! You do have a doctor and a therapist coming by today as well.” She waved and left the room. I rolled his table over the bed and opened up his silverware.

“Levi…” I looked over at him and he was grinning.

“Yeah?”

“I…I like it when you-“ He wheezed and leaned his head back for a moment. “Call me that.” I smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Well, I’ll be sure to do it more often. Now, let’s get some of this ‘food’ in you.” I made quotations with my fingers and he laughed quietly, then I took the top off of his tray. Tomato soup, chicken broth, yogurt and jello. I raised my eyebrow and dipped his spoon into the soup.

“You’re gonna-“

“Eat.” I pushed it forward again and he leaned back a little, before opening his mouth. It didn’t take long for him to finish up his tiny lunch. I pushed the table aside and Eren was red faced again.

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to pee.” He was frowning and I rubbed his shoulder.

“Oh. Well I’ll help you.”

“Leviii.” He shook his head and covered his face with his hand for a moment. “It’s embarrassing.” I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms.

“Well, would you rather I help you or that overly cheery nurse?” His eyes went wide and he whimpered. I pressed the call button, just so she could make sure I was doing everything correctly. She walked in just a few moments later and I explained the situation.

“Just go very slowly. Don’t strain yourself.” He nodded and reach his arms out to me. I shook my head. No way in hell was I grabbing him around his chest.

“Come on.” I put a hand behind his back and eased him up. I slowly guided him to the side of the bed, supporting his back. He was huffing and holding his chest. “Take your time.” He nodded and waited a few more seconds to regain his breath. His feet were meeting the floor and I protectively had a hand around his waist as we toed forward. My other hand pulled his IV and other lines behind us carefully and after a few minutes, we finally made it into the bathroom. The nurse had moved to the side, out of view from the open door and I continued to support his back.   


“D-Don’t look.” I rolled my eyes at him, before concentrating on the shower head. It looked clean enough. He was fiddling with his gown and finally he started peeing. Fuck. This was going to be a long recovery.

Eventually I got Eren back to bed and the nurse checked his vitals quickly before marking his chart. I ran my fingers through his hair for a little while, before he started dozing back off. He’d doze for a moment, before jerking awake and looking over at me.

“Go ahead and rest. Your body needs it.” I rubbed his cheek gently and he nodded.

“Sorry I’m so tired.” I shook my head and leaned over to press a kiss to his lips. I felt a pang in my chest and I recognized it immediately. I had fallen hard and fast for this boy. I wanted nothing more than to see him healthy and happy. I was terrified of waiting to tell him, but I knew things were different now. It was my job to protect Eren. He was mine to watch over and take care of. He was all I really needed.

“It’s alright. Rest.” He nodded and leaned into my fingers running through his untamed hair. His breathing evened out and I stayed standing by his side for a few more moments, before I finally pulled away and sat down in my chair.

I pulled out my phone and sighed.

 

**Erwin: Hanji has been nagging me about visiting today. What time is good? I’ll come with her to control the crazy.**

**Hanji: LEVI HOW IS HE?**

**LEVI!!!**

**Levi how is the cutie doing?!!? CALL ME BACK.**

**I rolled my eyes at Hanji’s messages. She had called me three times, but luckily my phone was on silent.**

**Izzy: Petra and I are stopping by later! Do you need anything from your house?**

**Mikasa: How is Eren doing today? We are going to stop by after school.**

 

I messaged Mikasa first, because I knew she was worried.

**To Mikasa: He’s in pain, but I’ve been helping him around. He ate fine this morning. He’s resting now.**

**To Erwin: Although I hate to leave him, would you be able to drive me by the house? I feel gross. Hospitals always make me feel like this. I know she’s crazy, but I trust Hanji to watch him.**

**To Izzy: No, Erwin will drop me by later for a shower. Thanks though.**

**To Hanji: Calm down. He’s been resting. He’s in pain, but the medication seems to be helping at least.**

I set my phone aside and picked up one of the books I’d brought with me. After an hour or so, there was a knock at the door and a doctor walked in.

“So how’s my patient?” He asked as he walked up to the bed. I stood and walked over to Eren’s side. I ran my fingers over his cheek and his eyes fluttered open.

“Hmmm…” He tried to sleepily reach for my hand and doze back off but I didn’t let him. I took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Eren, the doctor is here to see you.” His eyes opened back up and looked to the side.

“Hello. I just want to check up on you. How’s the pain?” He frowned and shook his head.

“Just when I move a lot or-“ He took a sharp breath and coughed. He whimpered as he grabbed his ribs.

“Try to cough everything up that you can. I know it hurts, but it’s necessary.” He nodded and tried to regain his breath.

“Or…or if I talk too much.” The doctor nodded and wrote down a few notes as he looked over some data on his sheet. He sat the clipboard aside and pulled on a pair of gloves. The same nurse from earlier walked in with a tray full of supplies and sat it on the table.

“Alright, I just need you to sit up.” Eren frowned and looked over to me.

“It’s alright. I’ll help you.” I slid my hand behind his back and gently helped him to sit up and slide over to the edge of the bed. He was breathing heavily and the doctor gave him a moment to catch his breath. Eren reach out for my hand, which I gladly gave. I held onto it from the opposite side of the bed, staying out of the doctor’s way. He pulled Eren’s gown down so it fell in his lap and looked over his dressing. His whole fucking midsection was practically wrapped in gauze. I frowned as I looked him over. Aside from the bruises on his face, a bunch littered his back and shoulders. I can’t imagine what the front looks like. The doctor snipped through his bandages carefully and threw them away.

“The chest tube looks good. Incisions are fine. Just go ahead and clean and rewrap. I’m going to order another x-ray in a day or two, just to double check things. You had some pretty major damage.” Eren nodded and squeezed my hand. “We will also have a breathing specialist come in and help you in just a little while.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll send news with one of the nurses when I look over your x-rays. If anything is wrong, I’ll come talk to you though.”

“Thank you.” Eren sat still as the nurse started wiping at his chest and ribs. He squeezed my hand hard and I placed my hand on his back.

“Le-Levi!” He whimpered and I bolted over to the other side of the bed once the doctor was gone.

“It’s okay. Shhh.” He shook his head and tears started leaking out of his eyes. I could see the bruises for myself now. Fuck. His whole right side was purple and black. The blotches faded a little as they progressed to the other side. There were quite a few stitches across his abdomen and she was being as gentle as she could as she cleaned them. I leaned his head down against my chest and whispered encouraging things to him, trying to help him through. “You’re doing so well.” The nurse wrapped him quickly, not adding quite as many bandages this time.

“All done!” Eren wiped at his eyes and looked away.

“Hey, it’s alright. We know it hurts.” She nodded and Eren swallowed hard.

“O-Okay.” I ruffled his hair a bit and helped him sit back after I pulled the gown back up, allowing the chest tube to creep out of the top. He barely had time to sit back, before someone else was walking into the room. He groaned and looked at me sadly. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“I know babe, but you have to follow the doctor’s orders so you can get out of here faster.” He nodded and we watched as the woman walked up to his bedside.

“Hello, I’m a respiratory therapist. I’m going to give you some breathing exercises, particularly using this.” She reach him a weird device with a handle attached. “What you will do is breathe out, place your mouth around it and breathe in. Try to raise this little marker up and hold that breath for a few seconds and let it out. You need to try to do this 10 times an hour, aside from when you are resting of course. Eren frowned at the device in his hands. “Go ahead and give it a try.” He breathed out and put his lips around it, attempting to raise the marker. He coughed and nearly tossed the thing across the room.

“Holy shit.” He held his ribs and she grabbed a pillow to gently press against his chest instead.

“I know it hurts, but it’s the only way to strengthen your lungs. It will get easier.” He frowned and she handed him the device again. “Once more.” He reach out for my hand this time and I took it. He nearly squeezed the life out of my hand as he sucked in another breath. He managed to hold it for a second, before coughing out again.

“You’ll get the hang of it. Just keep it up. If you have any questions, just let me know.” With a wave she left, leaving Eren to glare at the hunk of plastic on his lap.

“Fuck that.” I shook my head and rubbed his hand.

“You have to Eren.”

“But it-“

“Once more.” He squeezed his eyes shut, before letting out a shaky breath. He managed to breathe in about the same amount and hold it for a couple of seconds this time. He was nearly in tears by the 5th one, so I set it aside. “You can do the other set of five in a little while.” He nodded and leaned back again. My fingers massaged his scalp and he sighed as his eyes slipped shut.

“Hey Levi…”

“Mhmm?” I sat down on the edge of his bed for a moment, continuing to rub his head.

“Thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” He smiled softly and his eyes opened back up.

“Have you eaten today?” I shook my head and brushed his hair back again. “Levi. Go eat.”

“I’ll be fine until someone gets here to watch over you.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

“I’ll be fine. Just go eat something.” He was frowning at me and I sighed.

“You promise you’ll be alright?” He nodded and brought my hand to his lips.

“I’ll be perfectly fine. I think I’ll nap for a bit.” I didn’t like leaving him by himself, but all I’d had in nearly 24 hours was that biscuit early this morning.

“Alright. I’ll be back in half an hour or so.” I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, but he grabbed my shirt all of a sudden and yanked me back down. I moaned in surprise as his tongue darted in my mouth quickly, before licking at my own. He swept over my lips once more, before pulling back and taking a breath. I grinned and pressed my lips down against his once more. “You taste like orange jello.”

He chuckled softly and I pulled back. “Get some rest.” He nodded and I pulled the blanket up over him, making sure he was comfortable, before I walked out. I found the cafeteria quick enough and got myself a hamburger and fries. It surprisingly didn’t taste bad. On my way out, I grabbed an extra large coffee and walked out front. I’d only been gone 15 minutes, so I lit up one of my cigarettes and leaned against the wall. It helped calm my nerves a little at least.

“Look what we found!” Hanji ran up to me with Erwin jogging after her. She wrapped her arms around me and nearly made me spill my coffee. I sighed and stubbed out the end of my cigarette and followed her inside. “How’s he doing?” I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my coffee.

“The exact same as a couple of hours ago, except he had lunch.” Erwin cracked a smile and we followed the ever energetic Hanji to the elevator. We walked down the wing of the hospital together and found Eren’s room, but right outside were Mikasa and Armin sitting. Armin had her wrapped in a hug and her face was pushed into his shoulder. I gave Armin a questioning look and he shook his head. I knocked on the door, before walking in, finding Jean standing beside Eren.

“Hey Levi.” Jean waved and I nodded, walking back to Eren’s side. Eren frowned at me and I raised my eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mikasa just broke down when I told her about my cuts.” I sighed and ruffled his hair.

“It may just take her some time to deal.” He nodded and rubbed his fingers over his arms.

“I just…I didn’t want to bother anyone else with my problems.” Jean spoke up, drawing our attention to him.

“You know you can always talk to us, Eren. We will always be here for you.” He nodded and tried to pull the covers up over himself. I helped him, tucking him in gently, but leaving his arms free.

“You need to finish up your exercises.” I reach Eren his breathing device and he groaned. “You’ve only got five more.”

“For this hour.” I smiled gently and took his hand in mine.

“You can do it.” The first three breaths weren’t too bad, but by the fourth, his eyes were tearing up.

“Levi…”

“One more Babe. Be strong.” He swallowed hard, before doing the final exercise and tossing me the plastic device. I sat it aside and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Good job.” He was huffing, trying to breathe normally.

“I…I deserve-“ He breathed calmly for a few seconds before continuing. “A kiss each time.” I snickered and patted his shoulder.

“If that’s what it takes, then I can do that.” He smiled weakly and leaned his head back against the pillow, eyes slipping shut. I walked out into the hallway to talk to Mikasa and Armin for a bit.

“Eren…he’s…his arms…” She shook her head and glared at me. “Did you know?! You had to-“

“Mikasa.” Armin said her name sternly and she fell silent. “Be thankful for everything Levi has done. If it weren’t for him, Eren wouldn’t even be here.” She nodded and wiped at her cheeks.

“I knew…” The pair fell silent, eyes focused on me. “We ugh…” I looked down at my feet, trying to ignore their eyes. “We are trying to recover together. It will be easier now. Now that he’s away from that monster.”

“Please. You have to make sure-“

“I can only help Eren, if he wants to help himself. But I can damn well promise you that I will do everything in my power to look out for him and make him happy. You have my word on that.” With that I pushed off the wall and walked back into the room. Jean was tapping away on his phone and I brushed Eren’s hair back out of his face.

“Mhmm…” He sighed, reaching out for me half asleep. I pulled the blankets p over his arms and reach for his hand underneath. At least he’d be warm now. “Lee…” He let out a sharp breath and I leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” His face relaxed and he sighed again, dozing back off.

“You know, I’m glad Eren has you. You seem like a pretty decent guy to me.” I looked over to Jean, who had stuffed his phone back into his pocket. “If you hurt him though, you’ll be dead meat.”

“I don’t ever want to bring him anything except happiness, so I hope it never comes to that.” Jean smiled at me and scribbled out a little note, before leaving it on his table for later.

“I’m gonna take them home. They’ve got a lot to think about.” I nodded and looked towards my sleeping beauty. “Take care of him, Levi.”

“I will.” I had every intention of doing so. Eren was my world now. My fresh start. I was going to make this work for both of us.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0M58qqaaQw  
> Sort of my idea of the cover?

The next few days were filled with breathing therapy, doctor’s visits and not surprisingly a visit from a policeman. Eren held onto my hand as he retold the story of that awful night. Eventually he was well enough to be released and I took him to my apartment. His new permanent home. I’d be damned if he went back to Grisha.

After another few days of bed rest, he was allowed to go back to school. He was always tired when he was finished, so he napped in the back of the shop while I finished with my shift. Time passed quickly and the warm days of summer were on their way out and fall was already taking over. It was mid-October by now, the tips of the trees starting to change colors before our eyes.

I was picking Eren up from school, surprisingly on a day off. He walked to the car with a small smile on his face and jumped into the car beside me.

“How has your day been?” He grinned and leaned his head on my shoulder.

“Fine, but it’s better now.”

“Cheesy.”

“But you still like me!” He stuck his tongue out at me and went to throw his backpack into the backseat. “Why is my guitar back there?”

“Because I’ve got a little surprise for you.” His eyes went wide and he stared at me, expecting me to give details. “But, that’s after our date.”

“A DATE?!” I snickered and reached over to ruffle his hair.

“Yes, Eren. A date. I figured it was about time that we had one.”

“Where are we going?!” I rolled my eyes and looked over to him.

“It’s a surprise.” I poked his nose and he frowned.

“BUT LEVIII-“ I shook my head and lit up a cigarette. We drove for a while, away from town and towards the mountains. Eventually we made it to the destination I had planned.

“You can bring your guitar if you want.” He climbed out of the car and brought the case with him, following me closely behind. I carried a bag of my own, full of treats for his surprise.

“Levi this is kind of sketchy…” We were walking through the woods now, following a small trail that led off the side of the road. Dead leaves danced at our feet and twigs snapped. After a while of walking, I put my arm out in front of Eren, stopping him from going any closer.

“Okay, look.” He peaked over the edge of the trail, rocks were sticking out at odd angles and his eyes went wide as he looked at the drop off.

“We have to climb down that?!” I smiled and nodded, dropping off the edge of the rocks. I followed the trail, climbing down huge rocks and waiting for Eren once I reach the turning point of the trail. He plopped down from the last rock and looked around. “Is…is that a river?” He looked through the trees, standing on the edge of the drop off. I simply nodded and kept walking forward. The trail was nearly grown over, but I knew my way by heart.

“Okay. Close your eyes.”

“WHAT?!” He glanced over the edge timidly and took a step back.

“Do you trust me?” I raised my eyebrow and he swallowed hard, before giving a nod.

“Of course I do.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and took a step behind him, wrapping my arms around him from behind.

“I won’t let you fall. I promise.” He nodded and shut his eyes as I slowly led him forward. We walked for a couple more minutes, before we made it to the exact spot. I turned him a bit and hugged him a little tighter. I stood up on my tip toes, so I could whisper in his ear. “This…this spot is very special to me Eren. Just like you are. That’s why I brought you here. Open your eyes.” He opened his eyes and his mouth dropped open.

“Levi! It’s beautiful!” I stood beside him now and took his hand in mine as we looked at the view. We were on an outcropping of rock, being held securely by the side of the mountain. In front of us were the surrounding mountains, painted with oranges, yellows and reds. At the base of the mountain, a river ran through, swirling beneath us. You could see for miles and I smiled as I felt peace surround me. The last time I’d come here was with Farlan, but that was quite a while ago. I needed to make new memories. Memories with Eren that would bring happiness into my life. We stayed silent for a while, just admiring the pure beauty around us, then eventually I dropped my bag and pushed it back against the wall of rock behind us. It was like a tiny cave, providing shelter from the sun and rain if needed. Eren sat his guitar by my bag and I took his hand again, leading him back to the edge of the rocks. We sat down together, dangling our feet off the edge.

“Levi…thank you for bringing me here. It’s wonderful. So peaceful.” I smiled as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to his side.

“Eren…” My heart was pounding in my chest. I was nervous, but I had to tell him. It’d been weeks since I came to the realization.

“Yeah?” He turned to look at me, brilliant turquoise eyes staring right into mine.

“Eren…it’s been a long time since I felt like this about anyone.” I clung to his hand and I felt my face going red. “I…I love you Eren. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” His face started to turn red and he smiled, eyes lighting up with happiness.

“I love you too, Levi. You are an unbelievable person. I want to be with you for a long time.” I grinned and he laughed lightly, before threading his fingers through my hair and pulling me close. Our lips met, and I let out a soft sigh as the warmth from his lips spread to mine. His tongue asked from entrance as he lapped at my lower lip and I allowed him in. He tasted like cherries, probably from the chapstick he applied earlier, and that only added to the sweetness that was truly Eren. He explored my mouth, head tilting to the side and delved deeper. Our tongues danced together, all while my heart raced. My breathing was shallow and erratic, and Eren was breathing heavily against me as well. A cool breeze blew, and we both shivered, pulling apart so we could catch a breath.

Eren pulled me back, towards the safety of the overhang. We sat down again, though Eren nearly straddled my lap and pushed me back towards the ground. He was leaning over me, diving down and capturing my lips once more. My heart was aching. I loved him so much. I was finally wanted, appreciated. I clung to him, my own hands digging into his hair. I felt desire pumping through my veins, forcing me to delve deeper into his mouth, taking over the kiss. My brain was trying to fight me, but obviously my body wasn’t listening. When we broke apart again, we were huffing, trying to catch our breath. Eren was so warm on top of me, so comforting, but I had to pull away. This was happening too fast.

“E-Eren. We should stop.” He frowned, but pulled away without another question. I reach out for his hand as he leaned his head onto my shoulder. “It’s not you…I just…”

“You don’t have to explain, Levi.” He gave me a gentle smile and pushed his face into my neck, nuzzling it warmly. “Just being here with you is enough.”

“I know, but…” I shook my head, trying to find the right words. Then it hit me…I was scared. Terrified even. I was scared to get closer to him, scared to risk my heart again. His hand gave mine a gentle squeeze and I looked out over the mountain as we sat close, trying to warm each other from the cool air. “I’m terrified Eren…” He pulled back to look at me, a frown on his face.

“What do you mean?” I held his hand firmly, using it to ancor myself.

“I’m so scared that I’ll get hurt again. Losing you would just…” I shook the thoughts out of my head and looked at him sadly. “The closer I get, the more risky it becomes.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine. I could feel his warm breath on my face and I shivered. He was so close, so perfect.

“I won’t let anything happen. I’m here for you, just as you are for me, Levi.” He leaned in and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “That being said, it means no matter what. I’ll never force you to do something you aren’t comfortable with.” I nodded and we both tilted our heads, lips slotting together perfectly. He kissed me with a gentle passion. Slow and caring, showing every ounce of affection his heart held for me. My heart was still pounding, both in excitement and fear. I wanted more than anything to be closer to Eren, but I was still afraid.

“Just…Just a little longer. Alright?” It was hard to believe we’d been together for nearly two months. Two months filled with injury, recovery, and lots of sweet moments between us. Yet the one thing we’d never even come close to was sex. I knew Eren was waiting patiently for me, but I also knew it wasn’t fair for him to be with such damaged good. I was nothing but a fuckup and I truly had no idea what he saw in me. But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t thankful for him. Every day we grew a little closer and I fell deeper and deeper for him. He was becoming my world.

“Take all the time you need. I’ll be here, Levi.” He pressed his lips to mine again, before pulling away to smile at me. I nodded and returned to smile. He was so understanding, so caring.

“How about the rest of your surprise?” His eyes went wide and he looked at me excitedly.

“You mean there’s more?!” I chuckled and climbed to my feet, retrieving the bag I had carried down. I pulled out the container of strawberries covered in chocolate, along with the small cake I’d made with Hanji’s help.

“You made cake?!” He hugged me excitedly and I nearly dropped the plastic forks.

“Just for you. Hanji helped me, but yeah.” I felt my face getting hot again, and Eren proceeded to pull me down onto his lap. My legs wrapped around him and I pushed the fork into the cake, bringing it to his lips.

“IT’S SO GOOOD.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” I snickered and wiped icing from the corner of his lips. He stabbed the cake with his own fork and pushed it towards my mouth. Though it was embarrassing, I ate it without any objection. We talked and laughed as we ate the cake, simply enjoying each other’s company and the untouched beauty around us. We switched positions as we started nibbling on the strawberries. I sat between Eren’s legs as he leaned back against the rock wall. We fed each other strawberries, enjoying lazy kisses that tasted sweet of chocolate. After a while, Eren pulled away to get his guitar and he started playing, strumming something that sounded very familiar. It was a song he’d been working on for the past few days. I would never get tired of hearing him play, and occasionally he would sing along with the song he was playing, making me fall even more in love with him. He was talented, and I enjoyed every second of it.

As the sun started to set, we packed up and started climbing up the trail, making our way back to the car. We had yet another place to go to tonight, though this one would really surprise him. We drove in comfortable silence, listening to a few songs on the way home. I took a different turn, however and we ended up at the coffee shop.

“Levi?” He raised his eyebrow and I simply smiled.

“Grab your guitar.” His eyes went wide as he looked at me.

“What do you mean?”

“I said grab your guitar. Petra was looking for someone to play tonight at the coffee shop. I told her you would love to.”

“Seriously?!” His eyes lit up and he jumped forward to lock me in a hug. “This is amazing Levi! Thank you! THANK YOU!” I grinned as I pulled back and we climbed out of the car.

“No need to thank me, brat.” He followed me inside, bringing his guitar with him. The tiny stage was all set up. Izzy and Petra waved to us as we walked in. There were quite a few people here, surprisingly, including Armin and Mikasa.

He waved to them and sat down on the stool. I stood beside him as I helped him set up, making sure he was comfortable.

“What do I even play?” He asked me with a hint of worry in his tone.

“Whatever you want.” I smiled and wished him good luck, before I sat at the coffee bar with Izzy. He cleared his throat, before leaning towards the mic.

“Ugh, hello. I know a few people in here, but for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Eren Jaeger. I guess I’ll just be winging it tonight, so hopefully you enjoy!” His cheeks were dusted with pink as he spoke, but suddenly a look of pure concentration swept over his features. It was a side of Eren I only saw when he was playing. It was pure determination to do the best that he could. When his voice rung out, so pure and perfect, my heart throbbed. Everything about Eren was amazing in every way, but the way he gripped his guitar and sang, brought out some kind of fire in him. The same fire I saw when he was about to kiss me. It was passion. Pure untamed passion.

 

_This is my open letter,_  
This is something to remember.  
I won't be buried before my time,  
I'm not searching for forever,  
I've got my eyes opened wide,

He closed his eyes for a moment, strumming along to the music in his head. His eyes opened suddenly, and he shot me a perfect smile, before continuing the song.

 

  
_I've been searching under rubble from the past,_  
Just looking for a reason to make your life last.  
No need to look skyward for you to find hope,  
No need for redemption to be saved from the rope,

Even as an acoustic cover, this song struck me. The Amity Affliction had some powerful lyrics, but with Eren singing them, they meant even more to me.

 

_Well, I'm not searching the sky for a reason to live_  
'Cause I found beauty right here and the passion to give,  
So let me give you my heart, let me give you my tears,  
Let me give you my life, let me give you my fears.

Petra slid a mug of tea towards me, but I left it untouched as I watched my beautiful brunette sing his heart out.

 

_Just so you can hold on and sing while I do, sing these words out so loud,_  
Like I sing them for you.  
This is your open letter, something to remember,  
We can still keep on fighting even though life is not forever.

I started mouthing the words along with Eren, knowing the lyrics by heart. We had set in the living room together before, sharing a set of earbuds as we listened to music together. I loved those simple moments. Moments where we could just be comfortable with each other and relax.

 

_Well, I'm not searching the sky for a reason to live_  
'Cause I found beauty right here and the passion to give,  
So let me give you my heart, let me give you my tears,  
Let me give you my life, let me give you my fears.

I felt arms wrap around me from behind and the familiar scent of fresh strawberries drifted around me. Izzy leaned her head on my shoulder, but I didn’t turn to look at her. I just held my attention on Eren.

“You really love him, huh Big Bro?” I let a smile slip onto my lips, and I let it remain, not really giving a fuck who saw. I was happy for once. Happy to be blessed with this amazing boy. A boy that I know I didn’t deserve, but I was thankful for him nonetheless.

 

_This is my open letter, this is something to remember.  
This is my open letter, I'm not searching for forever._

“With all my heart.” I heard Isabel sigh happily on my shoulder and nuzzle my cheek.

“He’s so cute, Aniki. So sweet, too.” I nodded and Eren’s eyes locked onto mine again. He grinned and continued singing, the last bits of the song echoing through the café.

_Well, I'm not searching the sky for a reason to live_  
'Cause I found beauty right here and the passion to give,  
So let me give you my heart, let me give you my tears,  
Let me give you my life, let me give you my fears.

Petra handed me a glass of water and I ran it over to Eren. He smiled at me as he took it and downed a few gulps. He leaned forward to speak into the mic and I couldn’t help but watch as his eyes shimmered under the small spot light.

“Umm, this was a song I’ve learned recently, so hopefully I can get it right!” He grinned and started strumming his guitar again.

 

_No I won't surrender_  
At any cost  
You're something so sweet and tender  
From my heart

Fuck. He was singing to me. His eyes stayed locked on mine, and not once did they leave. Not even to look at his guitar.

 

_Yes I've done my evil_  
I've done my good  
Just believe me honey  
I won't let go of you

I felt my face going red as Eren stared at me like I was the only person in the room. It warmed my heart and just made me want more. More of his voice, more of his magnificent playing. More of those gorgeous teal eyes.

 

__  
You are the one  
And there's no regrets at all  
You are the one  
And there's no regrets at all

 

I felt Izzy fall away from me to whisper something to Petra. They both giggled and I felt the back of my neck going red now. It’d been so long since I could enjoy happiness. Now that Eren was by my side, anything felt possible.

 

_We've had our share of misfortune_  
We've had our blues  
And God is not on our side  
Yes it's true  
We keep forgetting baby  
The beauty of us two  
There is no one who can take that away  
From me and you

 

I felt Petra tap my shoulder and I turned to her, looking at her playful smile.

“I got those things you wanted.” She winked at me and my mouth dropped open.

“Don’t say it like that!” My face was getting redder and Izzy was giggling at us. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Eren.

 

_You are the one  
And there's no regrets at all_

He finished up that song and continued to the next one, then a few more. He knew quite a few by heart, but after 45 minutes of playing, I could tell he was starting to get tired.

“Thank you!” Petra clapped and put her hand on Eren’s shoulder. “Eren Jaeger, everyone!” The whole room applauded and Izzy drug me behind the counter to retrieve Eren’s gift. Someone on bongos took over after Eren, and a poet was reciting her poems under the now blue light. Eren walked to the very back of the café, where I was leaning against the wall.

“Levi-“ I thrust the flowers in his face and turned my head away, squeezing my eyes shut.

“It was Petra’s idea, and, I ugh-“ I heard the packaging around the flowers crinkle and before I knew what was happening, I was being pressed up against the wall, Eren’s lips on my own. He tasted a bit salty and he was hot from playing for so long, so the hand that held my own was a bit sweaty, but I hardly paid it any mind. Eren was the only one who I would let this close, who could break my walls down so easily. He captured my mouth, claiming every inch with the same hunger I’d seen earlier. When we broke for a breath, he leaned his forehead against mine, panting for air.

“How about we head home?” I murmured it and he nodded, taking my hand in his and leading us out of the café after saying a quick goodbye to our friends. We got in the car and made the quick drive home. Eren carefully put his flowers in a vase and set them in the middle of the breakfast bar, then looked at me with a wide smile.

“I’m so lucky to have you, Levi.” I pulled him into a quick hug, before tugging him towards the bedroom. It was pretty late, and Eren had to be up early for school tomorrow. We snuggled up together under the warmth of the blankets and fell asleep, happy to actually have a good day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments <3

A few days later

 

I groaned as Levi shook me awake, trying to cover my head up with the blanket. It was too warm in here. No way in hell was I getting up, just to freeze my ass off outside.

“Eren, get up or you’ll be late.”

“Noooo.” I buried myself further under the blankets and I heard Levi sigh.

“Eren, get up or I’ll rip the covers off.” I knew he was serious. He’d done it before. But I would take my chances. In less than three seconds, the blankets were thrown to his side of the bed. Levi was already awake and dressed, ready for the day.

“LEVI!!” I shivered and tried to scramble back under the covers, but Levi grabbed my shoulder and pushed me down gently against the bed. He pressed a light kiss to my lips, before pulling away. “You’re such a tease!” I tried to pull him back down, but he just chuckled.

“Get up and brush your teeth, then maybe I’ll give you another kiss.” Fuck. He knew how to play me. I pulled myself out of bed and sleepily walked into the bathroom. I went through my morning routine, just getting my shower over with, before meeting Levi in the kitchen. I sat down at the breakfast bar, before he scooped two eggs on my plate and a piece of toast.

“I brushed my teeth.” I said with a yawn and he leaned down to swipe my bangs back a little, before capturing my lips. He tasted extra sweet this morning, like vanilla and sugar. I moaned a little into the kiss, craving more of that sweet flavor. More of Levi. Eventually we had to break apart so we could eat our cold breakfast. Levi was sipping on his coffee, having already finished his breakfast. “I’m supposed to be hanging out with Armin after school.” Levi nodded, before speaking.

“That’s nice. Are you coming to the shop after?”

“Maybe. He supposed to help me study for my history test. I’m not sure how long it’ll take.” I frowned and he leaned forward to ruffle my hair.

“Just let me know if you need me to pick you up, alright.” I nodded and after finishing up our morning, Levi drove me to school.

 

 

“Good morning, Eren!” Jean leaned up against the locker next to mine, a smirk on his face.

“Hey Jean.” I took my books out of my bag, but something fell out of one of the pages. It was a picture. I smiled as I looked at it. It was the photo of me and Levi that Izzy had brought to the hospital. I remember tucking it away in my book for safe keeping. I shrugged and took one of the magnets on my locker door, then stuck it to the metal. Jean rolled his eyes at me, and shook his head.

“You two are unbelievably adorable.” I snorted and picked up my binder and two books.

“What do you mean by that?” I raised my eyebrow and Jean motioned towards the photo.

“Like that. You can tell how much you care about each other.” I felt my face heating up and I simply nodded.

“Well…I love Levi.” Jean’s mouth dropped open and he looked at me with a weird expression.

“Eren Jaeger is actually in love?! Has hell frozen over? Are dinosaurs flying around the school?”

“Shut up, horse face.” I snickered and shut my locker. He grinned and patted me on the back.

“I’m just kidding. I’m happy for you Eren. It’s nice to see you smile for a change. So are you feelings for him reciprocated then?” I felt my face turn a deeper shade of red as we walked to class.

“Y-Yes.” Jean slapped my back and I rushed to class, feeling like everyone was staring at us.

The day passed slowly, but eventually school ended. I headed to the music room to talk to the teacher about signing up for his guitar class next semester and with a smile he gladly told me about it and even about his after school club if I was interested. I was a little timid about it, after everything happened with my Mom, but Levi insisted I join again. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I pulled it out, on the way back to my locker.

**Armin: I’m SO SO SO sorry. I got called into work. I promise I will help you study tomorrow afternoon!**

“Shit.” I cursed as I walked down the empty hall. I could just head home and wait for Levi there. Maybe get some studying done on my own. I paused for a moment then thumbed through my messages.

**To Jean: Want to study for the test together? We can study at Levi’s, since your Mom always drives us crazy. Lol**

Jean wasn’t as good of a study partner as Armin, but at least he attempted it. He would get me back on track if I strayed too long or got distracted. I made it to my locker and fiddled with the lock. I plopped the books I didn’t need in the bottom and starting filling up my backpack.

“Look. It’s Jaeger.” I looked up to see a group of three guys walking towards me. They all had football jackets on. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I refrained. Talking back to these guys would only end up badly.

“What do you need?” I slung my backpack over my shoulder and raised my eyebrow up.

“Word around the school is-“ The ‘leader’ of the little group snatched the picture off of my locker door and I tried to grab it. “-that you are a faggot.” My eyes went wide and I took a step back, a frown etching its way onto my face.

“That’s none of your business.” He held up the picture of me and Levi and I tried to take it back again.

“Well, actually it IS our business. You see, we are pretty much the face of this school, Jaeger. And we can’t have little blemishes like you popping up and messing up the image of our school.” My heart was pounding now. I took another step backwards, before he ripped the picture in half and threw it to the floor. “Where do you think you’re going?” He grabbed my sleeve and I pulled my arm back, only to have him shove me against the locker. No. NO. Not again. No more abuse. No more! I threw my arms over my face as he acted like he was going to hit me. “HA! The bitch is terrified of you!” One of the guys started laughing and I shivered, before I tried to pull my phone out of my pocket.

Another guy hit my hand and my phone dropped to the floor with a clatter. Levi. I needed to get ahold of Levi! I tried to grab my phone, but I was shoved against the locker again, before a fist started flying at me. I screamed. I fucking screamed and screamed, but no one came. The halls were empty, all teachers gone for the day. I fell to the floor, guarding my ribs at all costs. I didn’t want to go through that hell again. A hard kick landed against my shoulder and another to my leg. I cried out. I couldn’t help the tears that were pouring for my eyes.

“Remember this, you piece of shit. Don’t go making our school look bad!” They all laughed and walked away, leaving me sobbing on the floor. I grabbed for my phone, and tried to unlock it, but the screen was shattered. The whole thing was probably toast. I picked up the scraps of the picture off the floor and waited a few moments, before pulling myself to my feet. It could have been worse. This beating was nothing compared to the ones I’d received from Dad. I was a little sore, but at least I could walk. I groaned as I slung my backpack over my shoulder and slammed my locker shut. Even as I wiped away the tears from my face, more would flow down, just taking the place of the first. I walked outside, only to be greeted with pouring rain.

“Fuck. Fuck everything.” I started the walk to the apartment. I didn’t want to bother Levi with all of this, especially while he was at work.

Was I really wanted by anyone? Sure Levi did, but it’s probably only out of pity. Because I was broken. Because I was abandoned. I sobbed harder as I walked, feeling the rain soak through my clothes. No one cared. Dad was an asshole, who treated me like shit, but maybe he was right? Maybe I am trash. No one wants to be around me. I kept walking, eventually ending up at the apartment. I hauled myself up the soaking stairs, then I let myself into the apartment. I sighed as I threw my backpack down. I’m such a burden to everyone. To Mikasa, Armin, and Jean. And especially to Levi. I’m a dumb kid that knows nothing. Who wants to teach someone how to do everything in a relationship? I was too much hassle. I kept crying as I made my way into the kitchen. It only took me a moment to find one of Levi’s knives. I picked up the knife and made my way into the bathroom, taking a pen and notebook with me. I turned on the bathtub as I began to write.

_Levi,_

_I’m sorry for causing you any trouble. Especially the trouble of cleaning this up. I can’t handle this anymore. I can’t keep causing you grief. I know you only stay around me, because you pity me, but you don’t have to worry anymore. I’m a lost cause. A black sheep that no one wants to even be around. I truly do care for you. I love you and I know you were only playing along to try and make me happy. So you wouldn’t have to deal with my awful moods. I’m so sorry for being such a burden to you. I wish things could have been different. I’m so sorry Levi. Thank you for everything you have done for me._

_Eren_

 

I sobbed as I wrote the letter, tears dropping down on the paper and smearing some of the words. Fuck, I couldn’t even write a letter correctly. I pulled up my sleeves and leaned over the bathtub. I cut my arm a few times, heart pounding as blood pooled to the surface. I hadn’t made the final cuts across my wrists yet. The deep ones that would be the end. I was terrified. So scared to die, but so ready. I was tired of the pain in this life. Tired of the abuse. I heard the bathroom door creak opened and I jumped, startled from the sudden movement. The knife fell into the full bathtub, slowly turning pink from the blood dripping down my arms.

“E-EREN!!!” Levi ran forward and dropped to his knees in front of me. “What’s wrong?! What are you-“ I just dropped my face in my hands and cried out. I was sobbing like a baby. I wanted Levi so bad. I loved him so much, but I was only a burden to him. Always causing trouble.

“I-I…” I shook my head and my tears only came faster as I felt a warm pair of arms wrap around me. Levi dropped down to the bathroom floor, jerking me onto his lap and holding me back breakingly close. I gave in, letting myself be held. His lips found my face, pressing light kisses to my cheeks and forehead.

“Eren…God…You…” I felt him shiver and I heard him sniffle. I looked up to see a tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t…Don’t leave me. I need you. I know it’s fucking selfish, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone! We have a connection…don’t you feel it?” I nodded and fresh tears started pouring.

“Le-Levi…” I cried against his shoulder and he held me. He didn’t seem to care about the blood or my runny nose. He just kept a firm hold on me, like I would float away. “I love you t-too.” He spoke up, voice cracking as he tried to hold back his emotions.

“Then why? Why would you do this, babe?” My chest felt tight, anxiety swimming through me. I fought it, trying to speak up.

“Because…Because I’m such a burden to you. To everyone.” I choked as I said it and Levi crashed our lips together. Our faces were wet and slick against each other, but his mouth felt perfect as always. He took me away to a calmer place, if only for a few moments. Our tongues did the talking for a while, swiping tenderly against each other, and only when he pulled away and pressed another kiss to my lips did I look at him. At the heartbreaking expression on his face.

“Listen to me Eren.” I swallowed hard, trying to hear everything he was saying. “You are NOT a burden to me. I love you. I want to spend time with you. I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you. I fucking need you Eren. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, not even Farlan.” His words hit hard. I meant more to him than Farlan? That’s… “Eren. Please, just talk to me. I’m here for you. Just like I know you will be there for me, right?” I nodded, wiping at my face.

“Of course I am, Levi.”

“Then please stay with me. Please.” I felt a pang of guilt in my heart. Why had I thought that way? That Levi didn’t care? He stayed with me every night and day I was in the hospital. He made sure I did my homework. He made me dinner. He spent time with me, holding me and taking everything as slow as we both needed. I shoved my face into the crook of his neck and tried to breath. His scent filled my nose and I simply clung to him, tears nearly dried up.

“I won’t leave you. I won’t…I’m so sorry.” I felt him bury a kiss in my hair and then followed with another to my temple.

“I’m always here. Don’t ever feel like you need to resort to this. Just talk to me. You will never be a burden to me. Ever.” I nodded against his shoulder and sighed. He scooted us across the bathroom floor and opened up the cabinet under the sink, before he pulled out a brand new first aid kit. I heard him tearing off the packaging, before he popped it open. “Let me see your arms, love.” I kept my face buried, ashamed of what I’d done. I heard more packaging tear and he took my left arm and carefully wiped at my skin. “Eren…why do you have bruises?” I swallowed hard and just buried my face deeper. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to re-live what they’d done. “Eren.” He said it firmly and I shuddered as he started wrapping my arm.

“I…I was walking to my locker after talking to the music teacher and the…these fucking jocks ripped the picture of us I had on my locker and threw it at my feet. They called me awful names… And they…they corned me against the wall and ganged up on me.”

“Seriously?!” I jumped at Levi’s raised tone and ducked my face back into his shoulder. “Sorry… I’m just so pissed. Those fucking assholes.” He switched arms and started swiping over my right arm. “Why didn’t you call me, Eren?” I frowned and shook my head.

“They threw my phone on the floor. It’s trashed now…” Gauze wrapped my arm again, layering over the fresh cuts. He fastened the ends with some tape and packed everything away, before pulling me closer. Right up against him. He leaned his forehead against mine and sighed.

“I’ll get Hanji to look at it tomorrow. See if she can fix it.” I nodded and he kissed my cheek. Then moved his head down to nuzzle my neck. “If I had been there…” I could hear the anger in Levi’s voice. It made me shudder. “I’m sorry they did that to you. They are pieces of shit.” I simply nodded and I felt Levi press his lips to my neck. “You don’t realize how much you mean to me…” Levi leaned up, eyes connecting with mine and my heart fluttered. What was I thinking? How could I leave the only thing that mattered to me behind?

“About as much as you mean to me?” I whispered it and he smiled softly, bringing his fingers up to comb through my hair.

“More than that.” I felt a smile creep onto my lips and my own arms wrapped around him, pulling us closer. A thought crossed my mind and I felt blood rush to my face. Sure this wasn’t the most romantic situation, but I knew what my heart wanted. Knew what it craved. I wanted Levi. I wanted him close. Impossibly close.

“Levi…” He pulled back, looking directly into my eyes.

“Hmm?”

“Will you… I mean can we…” I whimpered and shoved my face against his neck.

“Eren…” He tilted my head up and forced me to look at him. “Talk to me.” I felt jittery…nervous to even ask.

“I want to be closer to you, Levi…” He raised his eyebrow and I felt my face getting hotter. “You know…” I sighed and he chuckled before pressing his lips to mine. It was just a gentle kiss at first, but he licked at my lower lip and I let him in without hesitation. I needed to be closer to Levi. Needed him to hold me. To touch me. As we kissed, I felt his fingers trailing over my skin. Caressing the nape of my neck and playing with the collar of my shirt. With a gentle thud, he pushed me back against the cabinet. Levi was hovering over me now, bringing that instinctual hunger to the surface again. I moaned lightly against his mouth as he explored my own, learning every little detail. I leaned forward a little, bumping my nose into his. I pulled away quickly, embarrassed that I’d screwed up. His fingers curled into my hair again, and he sat forward, nearly touching his lips to mine.

“Relax, love.” Easier said than done. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. He brushed his lips against mine again, before pulling away to stand up. He helped me to my feet, and we left the bathroom. I held onto his hand like a life line. I was terrified. I wanted to be closer to Levi, but I’d never done anything before. Aside from the make out sessions we’d had. Did he want me to strip? Or keep everything on? “Eren.” I snapped my eyes to his as he turned around. His arms fell around my waist and I sighed. His touch just felt so nice. “Just calm down.” He smiled at me and started stroking my cheek.

“We will only do what you feel comfortable with, okay?” I nodded and he leaned up to capture my lips again. It was just a brief kiss this time, and he broke away to tug at my shirt. I felt my heart skip a bit and I squeezed my eyes shut. “You are soaked.” Oh yeah…the rain. He pulled my shirt up and over my head, leaving my chest and arms bare. His fingers swept over the hem of my pants and I shuddered.

“L-Levi…” I pulled him closer, head falling onto his shoulder.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s just me.” I calmed a little at that. At the fact that Levi cared about me and would never do or say anything to hurt me. I nodded and tugged at his own shirt. I felt odd being the only one exposed. He took a step back, letting me pull his shirt off. I wanted to touch him, learn every detail, but I was so nervous. His hands dropped down to the fly of my pants and I whimpered, but I didn’t stop him. He worked my pants free and they dropped to the floor, leaving me in my boxer briefs. I had my face hidden against his shoulder, burning from embarrassment. His hand swept over my back and my breath hitched. Why was everything so sensitive? He turned me around gently, pushing me towards the bed. I crawled under the covers, leaving only my head poking out. He grinned and undid his zipper, hooking his thumbs in his jeans and tugging them down. Holy shit. The way he wiggled out of those tight jeans set me on fire. He climbed into bed beside of me and pulled me into his arms.

“Your heart is pounding.” I nodded and he just tilted my chin up, bringing his lips to mine again. It was calm, and tender. Letting me know there was no rush. No pressure. Just us. Levi, someone who cared about me, loved me even, was holding me. Cradling me in his arms. His tongue caressing my own, letting me taste that wonderful sweetness. I felt myself relax a bit in his arms and we pulled apart to catch our breath. Levi was kissing my neck now, licking lightly and driving me mad in the process. I groaned as his mouth found my collar bone, licking and sucking lightly. I wrapped my arms around him, tugging him closer. My head fell back, exposing my throat completely to him and he took the opportunity. Kissing and sucking all over. I felt myself getting hard and I wanted to hide. I knew he could feel it, there was no way he couldn’t. We were pressed so close together.

But then suddenly he moved a little, his own hardness pressing against my thigh. I panted as he sucked on my neck hard, no doubt leaving a mark. I wanted to mark him too, make others know he was mine.

“Levi-“ I breathed his name and moved so my lips were pressing against his neck. I repeated what he’d done to me, licking and kissing, before sucking on the side of his neck. As I pulled away, a hint of purple bloomed where I had sucked and I craved to mark him more. To show the world that this beautiful creature was mine. No one else could have him. I pressed my mouth against his neck again, sucking and scraping my teeth over his skin, leaving marks in my wake.

“Eren-“ He pushed me back a little, before crashing our lips together. I needed this. I needed him. Needed him to take me away from my thoughts. I could live forever in his embrace like this, the rest of the world forgotten. Suddenly, Levi pulled off of me, panting. He put a little distance between us for a moment, breathing hard. “How…How far do you want to take this?” His pupils were dilated, cheeks flushed red. My answer was out, before I could even think properly, but I knew I meant it. I knew what my heart and body craved. And that was Levi.

“Want you.” I breathed out, before tugging him back against me. I could feel his heart pounding against my chest, strong arms wrapped around me. Levi devoured my mouth, lapping at my tongue and pouring out his desires into the kiss. I felt nervous, more nervous than I should be. Levi wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that in my heart. I felt his hand creep down my chest, brushing against my nipple in the process. I jerked and I felt Levi chuckle against my lips. He pulled back a little to look at me with a devilish grin.

“Like that?” He brushed over it again and my breath hitched.

“Y-Yes.” He hummed in approval and I saw him sink down a little. Suddenly his lips closed over my nipple, while his fingers found the other, rubbing it in between his thumb and forefinger. I shuddered and let out a little moan as I felt hot warmth swirl around my nipple. I threw my hand over my mouth, immediately embarrassed of the sound I’d made. After a few more seconds, Levi pulled back, gently removing my arm from my mouth.

“I want to hear you love. Every little sound. Don’t be embarrassed.” I felt my face turn yet another shade of red. “I want you to tell me that I’m making you feel good.” He brushed my nipple again and I couldn’t help but whimper. “Alright?”

“O-Okay.”

“And anytime you want me to stop, just say the word.” I nodded and he smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. “Are you sure about this?” He murmured it against my lips, breath hot against them.

“Absolutely.” He grinned against my lips and I decided I loved feeling him smile against my lips. I loved everything about Levi. His lips were locked on mine, tongues lazily playing as his hand crept lower and lower. His finger looped in the waistband of my boxer briefs and I shivered. Surely he could feel my heart threatening to beat out of my chest, right?

His hand slid underneath the thin fabric and wrapped around my cock, tearing a moan from my lips. I arched against him, and he moved yet again, sliding down slightly as he pulled me free from my boxers. His mouth was assaulting my neck again, licking and sucking as he stroked my cock a few times. His pace was painstakingly slow, drawing shivers from me each time he’d complete a stroke.

“Le-Levi…” I groaned his name and felt his breath against my neck, hot and wet. He was panting against my skin still, until his hand worked back up to give my nipple one last stroke. I watched through hooded eyes as he pulled off my boxer briefs completely, leaving me completely bare and open to his gaze. I could feel my flush creeping all the way down to my chest now. “Y-You too.” I tugged at the band of his underwear and he smiled, ripping them off in no time and throwing them to the floor with the rest of our discarded clothing. He pulled me right up against him, in a warm embrace with nothing keeping us apart now. I could feel every inch of his skin, and I timidly reach out, brushing my fingers over his chest and down his stomach. I was terrified. Terrified that I would screw this up. It couldn’t be that hard. It was just like touching myself, but it was Levi now. I wanted to learn every inch of his body, including-

I pushed my face into his chest as I dropped my hand down the rest of the way. I couldn’t look. Not yet. I brushed my fingers over soft hair and he let out a small sigh. I reach the rest of the way down, fingers finally wrapping over his cock. I was surprised by the ring my finger brushed over. I’d forgotten about his piercing. Damn. How could he be sexier? Not to mention the fact that he was insanely hard. He moaned, low and silky as I began to move my fingers over him, and damn. That was officially the sexiest sound I’d ever heard. I could tell, just by feeling him like this that he was pretty big. A little bigger than me, maybe.

“E-Eren.” He whispered my name, before tugging at my arm. I slipped my hand back and moved it to his chest. “As much as I love you touching me-“ He licked at my lips, kissing me deep for a moment, before pulling back. “I’d like to make this last a while.” I nodded, and he smiled again, before pulling back to rummage through his nightstand. “Fuck…” I looked over to him as he tossed a bottle of lube on the bed.

“W-What’s wrong?” He frowned as he looked over at me.

“Well…I didn’t think this would happen this quickly…and I don’t have any condoms. It’s not like I’ve slept with anyone recently.”

“Oh…” He climbed back beside me and nuzzled my neck. “It’s alright Levi…we can…I mean…” Was it possible for your whole body to blush? I’m pretty sure I was. “We can just…go without.” He looked up at me, raising an eyebrow in the process.

“Are you sure?” He was asking me seriously and I nodded.

“Yeah. I’ve…I’ve never been with anyone, so…” He ran his fingers through my hair for a moment, before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“I was only ever with Farlan…and we were both…well I won’t go into detail.” I nodded again and leaned up to kiss Levi. A reassuring kiss. I felt my fingers trembling, my nerves finally taking over. “Eren, I promise I won’t hurt you, okay? You trust me right?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled before pushing the covers out of the way. I felt tense, like my whole body would shatter at his touch. With a soft smile on his face, he popped the bottle open. I closed my eyes, waiting for his touch and surprisingly, his hand slid around me. Giving me a few strokes and drawing my eyes to him.

“Relax, love.” I nodded and took a deep breath. He drew back for a moment, pouring more lube over his fingers. This time his hand went right where I was expecting. My breath hitched as he gently teased my entrance. He was going slow, making sure that everything was fine with me. He nudged the first finger in me, and I whimpered. It felt weird and just…foreign. Something I definitely wasn’t used to. Levi leaned forward, keeping his finger inside and starting to move it a bit. Our lips met and I focused on the kiss, trying to ignore the new intrusion. I felt him pull out, before slipping two digits inside this time. I cried out against his lips, and he froze, fingers coming to a halt.

“Le-Levi…” I was panting, not sure what my body was doing.

“Eren, are you alright?” He practically whispered it in my ear and I nodded, nuzzling closer to him. There was just a little pain, but something else was coursing through me. “Just tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

“I-I’m fine.” I felt him wiggle his fingers again and my body acted on it’s own. Arching up off the bed. FUCK. “Le-Haaaa.” I knew my face was blood red, embarrassment washing over me. I threw my arm over my mouth again and shuddered. Levi gently pulled it away again, resting it against his chest.

“It’s alright, Eren. You don’t have to hold back with me.” I swallowed hard and he twisted his fingers again, ripping a moan from me. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” It was like electricity was pulsing through me, pulling out sounds I never knew I could make. He interlocked fingers with mine, bringing my forearm up to his lips. He kissed over the bandages, moving up and down my arm with his soft lips. His tender kisses ghosted over old scars, etched deep into my arm. I couldn’t be beautiful, could I? I was scarred. Scarred from my own actions, and from the abuse I’d receive for so long. But then again… Levi was beautiful. Unbelievably so. His scars didn’t make him any less attractive. Maybe I was? He gave my hand a little squeeze, before pulling his slick fingers out. I felt three slip in this time and my muscles were stretching to accommodate them. “Your heart’s gonna explode if it keeps pounding like that.” He smirked and I couldn’t think of a reply. My brain was too busy thinking about what was happening. He moved his fingers again, twisting them like before and I cried out.

“H-Holy shit!” He chuckled and I tried to catch my breath, but it was no use. He just crooked his fingers again and had me arching up beneath him again. “F-Fuck.”

“Found it.” My whole body was tingling, from head to toe. I whined, craving that feeling again.

“P…Please.” His eyebrows arched playfully and he smiled.

“Please what?” His chuckle was low and I groaned and his other hand reach between us and teased at the head of my cock.

“H-Haaa. P-please…do that again. With your fingers.” My embarrassment was out the door apparently.

“Oh? This you mean?” He moved his fingers again and pleasure shot through me again. Stronger this time. It washed over me, and just as I was coming down from the wave of please, he repeated the action, drawing me up off the bed again.

“FUCK. O-Oh.” My chest was heaving and he pressed a kiss to my lips before slipping his fingers out. My stomach churned, terrified of what was coming next.

“Eren.” He murmured it in my ear and I looked beside me as Levi was drawing me against him. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me right up against his perfect body. Strong muscles, but delicately soft skin. That’s when I felt it. His heart beating erratically against his chest. Was he nervous too? “Are you ready? Or do you need more time? We can always do it another time.” I shook my head. I wanted this. Needed this. Levi was my air and I needed to breathe.

“I want this.” I said it firmly, so he understood. I needed him to know. Needed to show him I was ready. “I want you.” He smiled and brought our lips together again, kissing me for a moment, before he slipped down again, lips pressed right against my neck. He nipped just a little, teeth barely scraping my neck, before he sucked again. Harder this time than before. “AHH-Levi-“ His mouth moved, placing another mark onto my shoulder. It was right next to a fresh bruise, cause only a few hours ago from those monsters. His mouth moved again, sucking on the other side of it. Purple bloomed on my skin as he pulled back, a smile hooking the corner of his lips up.

“I’m going to erase the marks they left on you. One by one. You’re mine.” I shivered as he sucked another mark onto my chest. “I’m not just going to sit by and allow you to be hurt.” I nodded and he ran a trail of kisses down to my belly button. “Because I love you.” I smiled at his sincere words. It was clear now. Levi did care. He loved me. He wanted to keep me around. To have me be a part of his life. He pulled back, kneeling in between my legs this time.

“I love you too, Levi.” Another one of those perfect genuine smiles pulled at his lips and my heart fluttered. Just his smile made my heart go crazy. I was in this deep. I heard the bottle pop open again and watched as he poured lube onto himself, give a few strokes to evenly distribute it.

“Ready?” I nodded reaching my hand out to him. He wove our fingers together, while he used his other hand to guide him to the right spot. I nearly jerked back as he began to push inside, once again surprised by the metal ring sliding against me. A jolt swept through me, muscles aching as they stretched to accommodate his size. I panted as he kept pushing in, bit by bit, filling me up. He stopped once he was completely in, hips nearly flush with my body. I gave his hand a squeeze and he leaned forward, capturing my lips and giving my cock a few strokes. I moaned into the kiss, completely surrounded by Levi. His scent filling my nose, hair tickling my face, sending electricity through me with his hand. I felt my body relax into his touch and he pulled back, keeping ahold of my hand. He drew his hips back, before pushing forward gently. FUCK. I moaned as he moved, slowly setting me on fire.

“Fuck. Levi-“ He pushed a little harder this time, grinding right against me. “P-Please!” I was thirsting for Levi. Needed him in every way imaginable. We were closer than we’d ever been before, but I still needed more. “N-Need you.” I groaned as our hands broke apart. My arms wrapped around his shoulders and I pulled him closer.

“You’re so fucking perfect, Eren.” I felt Levi’s breath ghost against my collarbones, warm and heavy. A moan followed a particularly hard thrust and I decided it was one of the best sounds I’d ever heard. My cock twitched in reaction and held onto him. Locked together. He picked up his pace, thrusts becoming quicker and sharper.

“Hnnng! LE-LEVI! Annnnnnn-“ My body jerked up off the bed, back curving into what had to be an odd angle. “Oh fuck!” That feeling of white hot pleasure again, coursing through me with each movement. I felt his hand slide under my leg, pulling it up a little and moving impossibly closer. His fingers gripped onto my hip and I felt tears prickling at my eyes. It didn’t hurt, the complete opposite of that actually. I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by every twitch of his hips, ever connection his fingers made with my skin. Every breath. Every moan.

“That’s it babe. God-“ Another low moan tore itself from Levi, and my eyes fluttered between opened and close. Too wrecked to try and decide if they wanted to watch the beautiful spectacle in front of me, or close from the intense feelings. I decided on the first option, watching a bead of sweat drip down his neck. I was sweating also, our bodies sliding against each other, making the room into an oven. His scent was drowning me, not just the scent I was used to, but his natural scent. I needed more, tugging him down so his chest was flush against mine. My body acted on instinct, legs hooking around his hips and feet pressing into his back. “Mmmmn- You feel so good.” He uttered it against my neck, before his lips attached themselves again, sucking and licking. He was burning me alive, and I didn’t want to extinguish the flame. I felt tension building in my stomach, that impending feeling that I knew would come.

“L-Levi! Annng-I-I’m close!” He just gripped my hip tighter, pounding straight into my sweet spot. My chest was heaving against his, so overwhelmed by the bliss coursing through me.

“M-Me too!” he groaned as he reach between us, fingers working themselves around my cock, pumping in time with his thrusts. I held onto Levi for dear life, gripping his shoulders insanely hard. It was nearly too much. Too many sensations at once.

“Hnnnnng!” I cried out and I felt the tears dripping down my cheeks as I saw stars, searing pleasure ripping through me. I released between us, gripping onto Levi as he fucked me through my orgasm. It was becoming too sensitive, too overwhelming. A loud moan, nearly a scream tore through Levi as I felt warmth feel me. I held onto him as he thrust a few more times, riding out his own release. He pulled out and collapsed on top of my, nuzzling my neck.

“Fuck. I’m tired.” I chuckled and relaxed into the sheets. Every part of me felt good. Everything was tingly. Levi rolled to my side, pulling me into his arms and draping the blanket over us. The room was finally cooling down and our breaths were evening out.

“Same.” I laid my head on his chest, throwing one arm around his middle. I didn’t want anything else in this world. Just Levi. Just more moments like this. “Levi…”

“Mhmm?” His fingers were sweeping through my damp hair, burying kisses every now and again.

“Will you promise…promise to always be with me?”

“Of course. You know how I feel about you, Eren. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.” I sighed happily and smiled, pressing a kiss to his chest. His fingers were lulling me to sleep, not to mention the workout I’d just had. I felt sleep tugging at me, pulling me under and finally I relaxed, dreams taking me away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've been moving! :D

The next day

Levi’s POV

I was cleaning my work area, as usual after I had pierced and odd lady. She was older than most of my customers, but she tipped well. I shrugged off the thought as I disposed of my gloves.

“What’s with the long face, shorty?” Hanji plopped down in one of the chairs up against the wall.

“Fuck you.”

“I love you too Levi. Even if you are a cute little bundle of anger.” I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous words, then I finally gave in. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? I sighed and sat down beside of her, leaning forward with my elbow on my knee.

“Hanji…how…I mean…” I shook my head, not really finding the right words. “How can I make Eren, happy?” Good thing he was in school. I’d never start a conversation like this otherwise.

“You don’t think he’s happy?” I frowned and shook my head again.

“I think he’s happy to be away from his Dad, but not entirely. I…I don’t want to fuck this relationship up.” The bell on the door chimed as a familiar giant walked in.

“OH LOOK!!!” Hanji bounced in her seat. “MIKE!!!” He raised his eyebrow at the bundle of energy sitting next to me. “Say Mike, got any love advice for Levi?” His eyes went wide and he cleared his throat.

“Ugh, well…I’m not the best at relationships. But I guess just do what works for you as a couple.” He shrugged and jumped up on his usual spot on Erwin’s bench. Erwin walked up from the back, coffee mug in hand.

“I thought I heard the bell!” He patted Mike on the shoulder and sat down on his stool. “So, what’s the gossip today?”

“Levi, needs love advice!!!” Hanji repeated excitedly. I growled at her, rubbing at my temple in frustration.

“Love advice? What, things not going well with Eren?” Erwin asked before taking a sip of coffee.

“It’s not that. I think our relationship is going okay.” I shrugged and let out a sigh. “I just…I want him to be happy. To smile. To…” Want to live… I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It sent chills down my spine to even think about it. I wanted Eren to find meaning in this world. To find his place. Hopefully that would continue to be at my side.

“Hmmm…how about doing something sweet for him?”

“A one-time gesture won’t do much.” I worked so much. He’s always in school or doing homework.

“I’m not talking like that Levi. A little something every day.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Mike said with a nod. “Just show him that you appreciate him.” I nodded and looked to Hanji.

“That would be a great idea, except we’re scraping by on what I make here.” I frowned and Hanji started digging through her pockets.

“Found it!” She dropped a $5 bill in my hand and grinned. “There! Every day I will give you $5. It will be your love allowance! So you can do something sweet for him.”

“Hanji, you don’t-“

“I know I don’t have to, but I want my cuties to both be happy.”

“Thank you Hanji.” I smiled and she started on another topic. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I fished it out.

**Eren: Class will be over in 30. I talked with the principle. He’s going over the tapes, but the guys haven’t been suspended yet. There’s going to be an investigation. I’m going to press charges. He said I could have you meet me after my last class. If you don’t mind. You just need to get here early and get a visitors pass.**

**To Eren: I’m leaving the shop now. See you soon.**

I waved goodbye to everyone and stepped outside. I sighed at the weather. Another lovely rainy day. I walked to my car, trying my best to avoid the deeper puddles along the way. I arrived at Eren’s school in just a few minutes. I parked my car and walked to the office, nodding at a few teachers along the way. Getting ready for bus duty probably. I walked up to the secretary who was scribbling something on a notepad.

“Hello?”

“Hey. I’m Levi Ackerman. Ugh, I’m here for Eren.”

“OH YES!! To get a visitors pass, right? Poor thing came to the Principles office pretty much shaking this morning.” I frowned and started filling out the form she had handed me. It only took me a few moments, before she was taking my picture and making me up an ID.

“Thanks. Ugh, where is his last class?”

“Annie!” A blonde girl stood up from the desk and walked over to the secretary. “Will you show Mr. Ackerman to the art room?”

“Sure. Follow me.” The girl was otherwise silent along the way, not to mention a little creepy. I let it go as we arrived at the classroom. I thanked the blonde haired girl and leaned against the wall. Just a few minutes later, the bell was ringing and students started flooding the hallway. I stayed back against the wall, watching the exiting students. After it seemed like everyone had pretty much exited the classroom, I poked my head inside. Eren was sitting at a table next to his teacher, leg shaking frantically under the table.

“Eren?” I walked over to him and he took a deep breath.

“Is this Levi?” The teacher asked him in a soft voice and he nodded. “Good. See, you don’t have to worry now.” Eren slowly stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“Thanks, see you tomorrow.” He waved at his teacher and offered a small smile, before walking to my side. We walked out of the classroom and he stepped even closer. I put my hand between his shoulder blades, a little reminder that I wouldn’t leave him.

“It’s the cry baby! HA!” Eren froze and I felt his body go rigid. The halls were all but abandoned now, aside from a group of three kids. Even the teachers had already left for the day.

“Excuse me?” I stepped forward slightly, standing in front of Eren. “Go bully someone else, you piece of trash.”

“Jaeger had to go and get a body guard. SO brave.” I felt Eren begin to tremble and I shook my head.

“Listen to me, bonehead. I’ll only say this once. You lay one more finger on Eren, and I’ll have your ass thrown in Juvy. And if the police don’t take care of you, you better believe that I will.” I was practically growling, giving them the death glare.

“We weren’t gonna lay a hand on the little shit. Were we, guys?” They all agreed and I turned to Eren and placed my hand back in the middle of his back.

“Good answer.” I gave them one last glare, before urging him to walk. We walked passed the group of guys and into the main hallway. “Do you need anything from your locker?” Eren shook his head and we walked towards the front door and out to the parking lot. He tossed his bag in the back and climbed into the passenger seat. I pulled away from the lot and began to drive towards the shop. Eren was being pretty quiet, so I looked over to him to find him sitting in his seat with his face in his hands. He was trembling, whole body shaking.

“Eren…” I pulled over into an abandoned parking lot, once filled with cars from an old drive in theater that had long been shut down.

“I-I’m sorry Levi. I can’t even defend myself…” He choked out a sob and I shook my head.

“Eren, no one could defend themselves against those assholes. I’m here for you. I want you to be happy and healthy.” He wiped at his cheeks and looked at me, green eyes filled with tears. I leaned forward, pulling him to me, despite the emergency break being in the way. His face fell to my shoulder and he took a deep breath. “Anything I can do to help?” He just shook his head and stayed silent for a while, letting me hold him in this awkward position.

“Just…hold me for a little while longer?” He practically whispered it, words being muffled by my shoulder. “I know you need to get back to work, but…” He shuddered against me again and I buried a kiss in his hair.

“Anything babe.” I pulled back enough to grab my phone and I shot Hanji a text, telling her I’d be back in an hour or so. “How about we move to the back for a little while?” He nodded and we both got out of the car and climbed in the back. I leaned against the door, pulling Eren up to me, chest to chest. His head fell against my neck and my fingers started combing through his hair again, the raindrops hitting the metal of the roof being the only sound around us.

“Eren, you know I want you to be happy, right?” He nodded against me, staying silent. “That’s what I want most in this world. Not fame, not money, not some huge house. I just want to see your beautiful smile. You mean so much to me, and to see you hurting just…it hurts me.”

“S-Sorry-“

“It’s not something to apologize for. Just…anything you want or want me to do, let me know. Okay?” He nodded again and tilted his head up a little, cheeks tear stained. His eyes were red, but they were tear free now, at least.

“I…I just want you, Levi.” He tilted his head a little and brought our lips together in a soft kiss. He pulled back a little, before I wove my fingers in his hair and pulled his lips back to mine. Right where they should be. So soft and sweet. A taste that was completely unique. Completely Eren. Mine. I’d do everything in my power to make this work. To make him happy. Our tongues slid together, his being submissive to mine and just letting me take over. I kissed him like he was the most cherished thing in this world. Like nothing else mattered. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but through our lips instead of with words. When we pulled apart, he was breathing heavy, face flushed. A small smile was tugging at his lips and he leaned forward again, hand coming up to rest on my jaw. I shut my eyes and let him melt into me again, delicious lips moving against my own. We stayed like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms and just letting our emotions be conveyed with actions.

Eventually we broke apart again, and I nuzzled his neck, pressing a single kiss over one of the marks I’d left last night. He let out a breathy laugh, and buried his face against my neck again.

“How can you do that?” He mumbled it against my neck and I shivered at the hot breath on my skin.

“Do what?” I raised my eyebrow as he spoke and he finally looked up to me, eyes bright again and a smile gracing his lips.

“You can take me away… make everything seem better…” I swept his bangs back and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before resting mine against his. I whispered lowly, even though we were alone. These were words only for his ears. No one else.

“It’s because I love you. I want you to know how important you are to me, and I’m kind of shit with words, so…” He giggled and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

“You aren’t bad with words, Levi.” He smiled, lips twisting up against my cheek. I could tell from his tone that he was feeling better now. “But you are really good with showing me through actions.” I snickered and hugged him closer, arms resting on his lower back. “I love you too.”

“We better get going soon, or Hanji will find us using her stupid GPS tracker.” I shifted a bit, letting his sit up before I stretched and did the same.

“You aren’t serious, are you?” I sighed.

“I wish I wasn’t. We don’t have time for what I had planned, so how about we swing by Café Maria and I’ll buy you a coffee.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. Besides, they have the best coffee around.” He smiled and nodded in approval, before we got back in the front of the car. His hand was on mine within a few seconds, and I gave it a gentle squeeze as we drove to the shop. He didn’t want to go in, insisting that his face and eyes were still red, so I ran inside, and ordered two vanilla lattes.

“Eren didn’t come in?” Petra asked as she was making the coffees.

“He’s not feeling well today.”

“Aww. I hope he feels better soon!” Petra handed me the drink tray along with a paper bag. “Hopefully he likes apple Danishes . It our special this week! I put one in there for you too.” I smiled and thanked Petra, before running back to the car, thankful that the rain had let up.

“What’s in the bag?” Eren asked as he took it into his hands.

“Danishes. Petra sent them for you.” He opened up the bag and the delicious smell of cinnamon filled the car.

“They smell so good.” He started nibbling on his own, before we pulled into the parking lot at the shop. He grabbed his coffee and left his backpack in the car. I felt a tap on my shoulder as we walked underneath the awning. “Hey Levi…” I turned around and Eren was fidgeting with the bag. “Is…is it okay if I sit up front with you?” I gave him a small smile, hugging him around the waist.

“Sure. Erwin won’t mind.” He nodded and followed me inside, taking a seat next to Hanji who was babbling about a sci fi movie she’d watched last night. I sat my coffee on the counter and pulled on a pair of gloves so I could clean my work space again.

“Eren!!! Do you like science?!” Hanji asked excitedly while she bounced up and down.

“Ugh, it’s not bad I guess.”

“DO YOU LIKE ROBOTS?!” I shook my head and started scrubbing the cabinets down. “The movie last night was INCREDIBLE!!!”

 

 

A few hours later

After an hour or so of Hanji yammering on about that stupid movie and robots with emotions, Eren went outside to grab his backpack. Four eyes was pretty good at math, something I lacked in. She proved useful as a tutor to Eren and he finished up his homework in no time. Eventually the day came to an end and we drove back to the apartment.

As usual, Eren dropped his bag by the couch, but he stood there for a moment, simply looking at it.

“What’s wrong?” I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him from behind. He just shook his head and leaned it back against my shoulder. We stood there for a while, just holding one another. “Wanna head to bed?” Tomorrow wasn’t a school day thankfully. We both deserved to sleep in.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” We walked to the bedroom together, and I was the first one to pull off my shirt and toss it in the hamper, along with my jeans. With a dusting of pink across his cheeks, Eren did the same, before crawling into bed. I joined him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer. We lay there for a while, just listening to one another breathe.

“Levi…” Eren rubbed my chest, making tiny circles with his fingers.

“Yeah?” He pushed his face against my neck and sighed.

“I…ugh…I mean…” I ran my fingers through his hair and trailing them down the nape of his neck. “Can we…do something?” He didn’t look at me as he asked, just kept his face pressed tight against my neck.

“Like sex?” I heard him whimper against my skin and his fingers tensed up. “Eren, you don’t have to be shy around me. I mean we are dating.” He finally turned his head up, brilliant eyes connecting with mine.

“Okay, I’ll try to be less shy.” I smiled and turned a little, pushing him gently into the pillows. I smirked as I looked him over. He was beautiful in every sense. Perfect caramel skin, not too soft, but not too muscular either. His hair was already a mess from laying with me for a while, but that’s not unusual. It was more common to see him with messy curls than tamed hair. I completely drank him in, looking over every inch of skin as my fingers trailed from his cheek down to his collarbones.

Perfect aqua eyes watched my every move, and I tried to engrave every little detail into my mind. The scar across his eyebrow, the one across his right pectoral, even the scars littering his arms. Most of them were starting to fade, aside from the few recent ones he’d acquired. I knew it was hard, resisting the urge was nearly impossible, but I know we can do it together. We just have to be strong for each other.

“Levi?” I watched his eyes follow me for a minute, before I laced our fingers together. I brought one of his arms up next to his head and I kissed right over his pulse point. He shivered and I watched his head turn to the side, away from me. I kissed only a few inches lower, pressing my lips against his scars. Marks that would hopefully fade over time.

“You know I love you, right? All of you. Every inch. Every little freckle.” I kissed a little further down on his arm, before I switched sides and brought the other up. I peppered the other arm with just as many kisses, then I moved to his neck. I could hear his breath hitch the moment my lips touched his tender skin. When I moved down towards his chest, he took a deep breath and I felt his fingers sweep through my hair.

“I love you too, Levi.” A smile played across my lips for a moment, before I really went to work, licking and sucking his skin. Really learning every inch of his body. I sucked a new mark onto his chest, before my lips grazed his nipple. “Nng.” I smirked and took it into my mouth, licking it. He responded by wiggling underneath me, hand coming up to weave into my hair. I pulled back with a smirk on my face, proud of the sounds I’d been pulling from him.

“Feel good?” He was nodding furiously, rubbing at my undercut gently. “Mhmm…well I’ll have to make you feel even better, huh.” He sucked in a breath as I kissed right beside his belly button. I saw his muscles tense and I grinned. “So, Eren…” His eyes were starting to become heavy, glazed over with lust. “How do you think I should make you feel good?” He swallowed hard and he nearly whispered his answer.

“T-Touch me.” Oh this was going to be fun. I could see his hard on straining against the fabric of his boxer briefs already.

“What was that?” I hooked my fingers into his waistband and let them rest against his skin, refusing to move them any lower. He whined and even lifted his hips off the bed a little. “Say what you want me to do Eren.”

“Touch me!” His face was blood red by now, fingers slightly shaky. I let my attention fall to the task at hand, tugging his underwear down and freeing his cock.

“Mhmm, already hard?” I trailed my fingers over the pink skin for a moment, watching as he flinched at my touch and tried to lean in closer. “Well that’s alright. You know why?” He shook his head and kept his eyes locked onto mine. “Because you make me that way also.” I took his hand and led it down to the bulge in my own boxer briefs. He timidly touched me, fingers ghosting across the fabric. I smirked and tugged his underwear off, tossing them in the direction of the hamper. He wiggled under my gaze, face heating up even more. His blush was trailing down his neck now, beginning to dust his chest.

“Fuck, you’re so damn sexy Eren. I could just drink you up.” He let out a shaky breath and his hand reach up to the waistband of my underwear.

“I want to…” His lips were nearly trembling, nervous hands playing at my waistband. I smiled and leaned forward, before attacking his lips. He tasted as sweet as always, warm mouth kissing me back with everything he had. I would never get tired of this. Of his silky tongue and soft lips. When I pulled back we were both panting, lungs robbed of air. I was close to him when I spoke, so close my lips were nearly touching his.

“Eren, tell me what you want. Don’t be afraid. I want to know what you like, what you don’t like. I want to know your kinks.” He bit his lip and nodded, before his hand closed over mine.

“I want to touch you too, Levi.” I nodded and laid down next to him, arms wrapping around his midsection. He leaned up on his elbow, hand exploring my chest. He leaned over me and placed a kiss where he’d just touched, and looked up at me to gauge my reaction. My own eyes were getting heavy. I wanted more, but I didn’t want to push him. Next, his lips fell to my neck. He lapped over my artery for a moment, before giving an experimental suck.

“Mhmm, fuck.” I dug my fingers into his hair, being careful not to pull to hard. I felt his lips curl against my skin, before he moved his lips a little and sucked harder. He repeated the action a few times, before moving down to my collarbones. His teeth grazed over the tender flesh and I let out a breathy sigh. “Feels good.” He nibbled just to the side of my collarbones and I tightened my fingers in his hair. He pulled back, eyes wide.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean-“ I pulled him in close again, burying a kiss in his hair.

“Keep going, love. It feels good. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Oh…” His lips touched my chest again, before moving down to my stomach, teasing me like I’d teased him. He ran his fingers down my side and I jerked.

“EH! Tickles!” I pulled away from his fingertips and I heard him laugh. It was beautiful, just like every part of him.

“I didn’t think you would be ticklish, Levi.” He grinned as he looked up at me and I frowned.

“Tickle me again and there will be a war, Jaeger.” I joked and he let out another chuckle, before returning his lips to my stomach. Finally his fingers dipped underneath my waistband and he pulled them down just slightly. His lips fell to my hipbone and I shuddered. I felt him lick over it, before sucking again. Making me as his all over. “Nhhhg. FUCK. Eren.” He kept sucking, tongue trailing all the way down to my waistband. “Please.” My eyes met his, before he tugged my underwear down, pulling it off my legs and tossing them in the floor. His fingers danced across my thigh and I nearly bucked up off the bed. I wanted him to touch me, needed him to almost. I felt his fingers glide over the fine hair I had, perfectly trimmed of course, before his fingers wrapped around me. I couldn’t help but arch up off the bed. FUCK. He gave me a slight squeeze, before he trailed his fingers over it.

“Ugh…Levi?” I leaned up on my elbows and ran my fingers though his silky curls for a moment, trying calm any nerves.

“Yeah?” He frowned as he looked down at me, eyes locked onto my cock.

“Is…Is it gonna hurt you if I touch it?” I raised my eyebrow and looked down. Oh. I smiled gently and shook my head.

“My piercing is healed, Eren. It’s not sore or anything. It actually makes everything feel better.

“Oh, okay.” His hand wrapped back around me and he gave the silver ring a light tap, before looking up at me. I felt my own face getting hot, excited from the situation. Eren’s fingers were playing with the ring now, making absolutely sure he wouldn’t hurt me.

“E-Eren!” I pushed myself into his hand, craving more friction. He gave my cock another squeeze and I shivered. Damn this boy knows how to drive me mad. He was still playing with the ring, making the head of my cock tingle. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I leaned up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, before tugging him down. I rolled over onto my side and pulled him close, before resting my head next to his on the pillow. “There, now we can both play.” I whispered and ran my fingers over his cheek, loving the breathy sigh he let out in return. I reach across to him and his arm crossed over mine to grip me in returned. “Fuck. Eren.” I whined. Me, whining? I couldn’t believe it, but this kid had ways of pulling the unexpected from me.

I began pumping him, ready to get down to business. He whimpered, grabbing onto my waist for support. He shuddered as I pumped him harder, and he tried to pick up the pace with me.

“Le-Levi!” He was arching up against my hand with every tug and I knew my body was probably reacting the same way. He was breathing hard, pants ghosting across my neck now. My other arm had come up to grip onto his shoulder, squeezing it with every thrust into his hand.

I felt the familiar coiling begin and my muscles started to shake. I wasn’t going to last long like this, but I doubted Eren would either. I pushed my head down onto his shoulder, trying to urge the sensation to just slow down, but it wasn’t happening. We were both gripping each other tighter, pumping faster. Growing closer.

“I’m- Hnnng.” Eren was digging his nails into my hip now, mumbling indistinguishing words into my neck. “Cl-Close.” He was nearly screaming it, hot breath tickling my neck.

“Me too babe. Fuck, it feels so good.” With those words, Eren cried out, forehead slamming against my neck. I felt warmth cover my hand, and just a few seconds later, my orgasm hit, sending white hot pleasure through me. I screamed his name, before I bit down on his shoulder. He whimpered and I jerked back. I was exhausted, but I pulled him into my arms and looked over his shoulder. He was still breathing heavy, arms tangling around me lazily.

“Fuck. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to. Shit.” He chuckled and shook his head, before leaning in closer.

“I’m fine Levi.” I felt his eyelashes flutter against my collarbone, and I relaxed a little. I pressed a kiss to the mark on his shoulder, before I reach for the blanket and pulled it over us. He settled down in between my legs, head resting against my chest. It only took a minute or two, before he was breathing steadily, small snores echoing through the room. I didn’t want it any other way. I wanted to be wrapped around Eren, to be as close to him as I possibly could. I dozed off to the sounds of his breathing in the dark.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always amazing!

Another week came and went. A week filled with me picking Eren up, and walking him to my car. A week full of love notes, slushies and even a little monster keychain with big eyes. Today was Friday, my last day of the week that I had to pick up Eren. Things had gone smoothly, aside from the first encounter with those bullies. Eren said they had been escorted out of the building the day after by police.

As I walked Eren out of the school, I fiddled with the pack of gum in my pocket nervously. I hadn’t bought him anything today. Instead, I had written him a letter. One full of everything my heart held for him. Hopefully he would like it as well as the other gifts. I opened the car door for him and he tossed his bag in the back. I took the driver’s seat and drove away from the school. I pulled into a grocery store’s lot, before shuffling through the pocket in the driver’s side door.

“Levi-“ I handed him the envelope. It was red, probably from a card Hanji had received for Valentine’s Day years ago.

“Just read it. I know it’s not that special…but I hope you like it.” My heart was fluttering in my chest. I was shit with saying how I felt verbally. Writing is where I excel. I can spill out every emotion, every thought. Hopefully I conveyed my feelings accurately. Eren opened the envelope and his eyes danced over the page. His fingers started to tremble and he dropped his head down.

“L-Levi this is…” He couldn’t have finished by now. I could see his eyes tearing up and I took the letter from him. I reach for his hand with my free hand and ran my thumb over it, rubbing small circles into his palm.

_“Eren, My world had no color before I met you. It was the same motions, day in and day out. The day we met had to be fate. I know the circumstances were awful, but I’m thankful every day that I found you that night. I’m thankful that you are mine and that I am yours. I may not be rich, or live in the nicest house, but I will give you all I have. I give you my heart and my devotion. You already have the other piece of my soul. I promise to always care for you and love you. There’s nothing in this world that we can’t get through, as long as we stick together. You are my hope in this cold world. I want you to know I will always be here, no matter what. Love, Levi.”_

Before I had time to fold the letter and put it back in the envelope, Eren was pretty much jumping across the center console to wrap his arms around me. His lips crashed into mine and I leaned over to meet him halfway. The emergency brake was digging into my side, but I could care less. I just wanted to taste him, to feel him, to-

“S-stop.” I pulled myself back after a few moments, breathing heavy and my arms still wrapped around him. “Need to go back to work.” He leaned in for one more kiss, before sitting back down in his seat. I tried to straighten my shirt and drove the short distance to work. Surprisingly, Eren was out of the car as soon as I pulled in. He ran over to my side and as soon as I shut my door, his hand was reaching for mine, weaving our fingers together. I smiled at him, before he nudged me against the side of my car. His lips were on mine again and I couldn’t push him away. Not with the way I craved him. Craved his kiss, his touch, his thumb caressing the underside of my wrist. His other hand moved from my cheek to my hair, brushing through it softly. His tongue moved against mine, pushed us closer. I could feel his heart pounding, swear I could hear it. His lips were perfectly soft. Mouth as sweet as ever. The fingers running through my hair were a little rough from playing his guitar so much, but every touch was gentle and loving.

We both jerked apart when we heard someone whistle from the doorway. My face went immediately red and I held onto Eren’s hand for support. I didn’t do embarrassment very well.

“Aniki and Eren sitting in a tree-“

“Isabel, shut the fuck up! I swear-“

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!” I was frowning now, pretty much growling my words out.

“IZZY!!”

“First comes love….OH!!! This part is backwards! HYAAA First comes love, then comes you two waking up Erwin in the middle of the night, because you’re going at it like rabbits!!!” My eyes went wide and Eren’s hand flew up to his mouth.

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!!” I yelled it out and Eren jumped a little. “Sorry, babe.” I gave his hand a pat and Izzy started cackling.

“No! But from what I hear, you two were SERIOUSLY FUCKING!!! HA!!” I heard Hanji join in the cackling and I tugged Eren forward. I pushed passed the two idiots and into the shop, avoiding eye contact with Erwin. I took Eren to the break room and shut the door.

“Levi…” Eren reach for my hand and gently took it into his. “Are you embarrassed about…” He frowned and his eyes dropped to the floor. “About being with me?”

“What? Of course not! I just don’t like for our sex life to be broadcast across Trost.” I brought him closer, rubbing his arm. “But Izzy will be Izzy.” I sighed and Eren let out a breathy laugh. He dropped my hand and suddenly his hands were pressing on my shoulders. “Eren what-“ Within less than a few steps, he was pressing me back into the door. My head landed on his arm, before it actually bounced off the door and he leaned in impossibly close, hand cupping my cheek. I couldn’t speak, felt like I couldn’t breathe. All I could do was look into those mesmerizing turquoise eyes. Those eyes with flecks of dark green and gold. My heart was pounding, threatening to jump out of my chest at any moment. He leaned down, pressing our foreheads together gently. When did he get so tall?

His breath tickled my lips for a moment, before he finally closed the distance and captured them. I let out a little moan as he took dominance, making my head spin. I just relaxed against the door, against his arm. I could feel his warmth surrounding me, smell his body wash. Feel his bangs tickling my face every now and again. His other hand dropped down, running down my side and finally took ahold of my hip. He was kissing me with intent, tongue lapping at my own. His lips caressed mine and I whimpered when he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. Falling? Was I falling? My legs were tingly, hell my whole body was. I felt his arms wrap around me quickly, pulling me right against his chest. He broke the kiss and nuzzled his cheek to mine. My face was hot, I could feel the blush working it’s way down to my neck. Wait… when did I get so-

“You okay?” I opened my eyes, seeing Eren look at me with a sexy smile on his face. He was crouching a little, his arms holding me tight. FUCK. The blush deepened and I tried to hide my face in Eren’s chest. I knew what happened. He made my fucking knees go weak. I held onto him, trying to catch my breath.

“Y-Yeah.” Even though I was a little embarrassed, I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips. I couldn’t shove that feeling of butterflies in my stomach away. Couldn’t stop my heart from fluttering. I stood back up, feeling Eren straighten up as well, but his arms didn’t move away from my waist. I finally looked up and met those brilliant aqua eyes and that blinding smile, then my heart started pounding even harder. Eren pressed a soft kiss to my lips, before leaning his forehead back down against mine.

“Levi. I know you feel this too. Feel that fluttering in your chest every time we kiss. Hell, I even feel it just when you look at me.” He brought his hand up again and ran it through my hair. It was that exact moment that I felt my walls break apart. I wanted to laugh, wanted to cry, wanted to hide and run at the same time. I wanted Eren. Wanted him to always be in my life. Needed him. Happiness… it had been closer than I thought. I felt my lips tug up again, higher than they had in a long time. Smiling. I was smiling a true heartfelt smile. I looked up to Eren, tired of hiding it, tired of being scared. He needed to know just how happy he made me, and hopefully he would realize. I had a hard time getting the words out, sorting through all the emotions pumping through me, and when I finally did they were barely a whisper.

“I feel it too.” He beamed at me, before stealing my lips again. I didn’t resist one bit. Let my heart flutter away and the butterflies take over. I was smiling into the kiss and I could feel Eren doing the same. He was my gem, an emerald in this world of coal. After once again taking my breath away, he spoke softly, trying not to break the moment.

“Then what is there to be embarrassed about? We should just own how we make each other feel. I want to shout it to the world. Yell that I’m impossibly in love with you. That you’re all I ever need.” He was grinning, hand tickling my arm as he ran his own down to grasp mine.

“You’re right.” I let out a light chuckle and Eren pulled back, my front immediately feeling cold without him there. There was a knocking on the door behind me and I turned around to face it.

“BRO! I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you mad!” I just shook my head and opened the door, watching as Izzy stumbled forward a little.

“It’s fine. Nothing I should even be mad at. So what if the man I love is amazing in bed? That’s just a plus for me.” Izzy’s eyes went wide and she covered her mouth, a little gasp sounding. I felt Eren’s arm wrap back around my waist and I couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto my lips.

“Y-YOU ARE SMILING!!!” Izzy squealed and jumped up and down. “AND YOU SAID THE L WORD.” I chuckled and she just bounced faster. “HANJIIII!!!”

“I heard it too!” She called from the front of the shop.

“Now that we’ve got that settled, I’m going to get to work.” Eren followed me as I made my way to the front. He plopped down in the chair beside of Hanji and I got to work cleaning up my station. The rest of the evening passed slowly, only a few customers coming into the shop to schedule an appointment with Erwin.

 

 

The following day, work passed quickly, considering it was a half shift. I was nervous about leaving Eren alone for the morning, but I had to trust him. He needed to catch up on some rest and like hell was I going to deprive him of that.

The drive home was a bit nerve-wracking, but I got there soon enough. I ran up the steps and unlocked the door.

“LEVI!!!” Eren grabbed a couch cushion and covered himself, face turning red and hair dripping everywhere. I raised my eyebrow and shut the door behind me.

“Do you walk around the house naked a lot when I’m not here?” I teased and stepped closer.

“N-No! I forgot my shirt was on the couch and-“ I smirked and grabbed the pillow, tossing it onto the couch and backing him up against it.

“And what?” I trailed my fingertips down his side and he shivered under my touch.

“I-I ugh….” I ran my fingertips back up, tickling over his chest and guided his head down gently. I whispered right next to his face, feeling that familiar tug at my lips.

“Hmmm?” His voice cracked, and his hands slid around my own waist pulling me right up against him.

“I forgot what I was going to say.” He laughed and brought his lips down to meet mine. “You are a little distracting, you know.” I grinned and brought our lips together again in a deeper kiss. A thankful kiss. Eren was fine. Safe. Maybe things were really looking up.

“Are you playing at café Maria again tonight?” He nodded, not removing his hands from my waist.

“Yeah, Petra called me yesterday and asked me to.” I nodded and gave him a little hug, before pulling away and walking to the kitchen. “Hey, Levi…” I turned to look at Eren, who was fussing with the blanket draped over the back of the couch.

“Yeah?” I opened a fresh bottle of water from the fridge and sipped on it, awaiting Eren’s answer.

“Jean is free today and we haven’t really gotten to hang out for a while.” He frowned as he turned to me. “Outside of school I mean.” I sat my bottle of water down on the counter and leaned against it. “And I was wondering if he could come over for a while.” I raised my eyebrow and cracked a smile.

“You know, I would take you a lot more seriously if you weren’t standing in my living room completely naked.” He grabbed the blanket from the couch and draped it over himself. I simply rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Whatever makes you happy brat.” I smirked and picked up my water bottle. “Do I need to pick him up?”

“No, his mom will drop him off…as long as you can take him home tonight.” I nodded and walked forward, then I tugged at his blanket a little.

“And what’s in it for me?” I smirked again and Eren simply laughed before he threw the blanket around me and used it to lasso me. He pulled me right back against him and his head tilted down to rest against mine.

“Hmmm…I don’t have very much to give.” I smiled, lips twisting against his bare collarbone. My arms slid around his waist and he pulled me in even closer.

“Then how about…” I whispered it against his neck, nose filling with the strong scent of his body wash. “A date. Tomorrow.” He hummed in approval and kissed the top of my head.

“Sounds good to me.” I chuckled and let my arms fall away.

“Then you better get dressed, unless you want your friend to see you like that.” Eren let the blanket fall and tossed it on the back of the couch.

“Thanks Levi!” I watched his bare back retreat into the bedroom and I straightened the blanket on the couch. What was I going to do with him? I smiled to myself and plopped down on the couch. Within a few minutes, Eren reemerged from the bedroom. My eyes followed him until he reach the back of the couch, arms wrapping around my shoulders from behind. My heart thumped for a moment, getting a glance at his arms in the stark fluorescent lighting of the living room. They were healing at least, no new cuts. I couldn’t believe he was wearing a t-shirt for once. I lowered my chin down and pressed a kiss to his wrist, then the doorbell rang. He ruffled my hair as he pulled away and went to answer the door.

“Hey!” I heard a hive five and I stood up.

“What’s up, Eren?” Jean was grinning and to my liking, he kicked off his shoes as soon as he stepped in. I stretched a bit, waving to Jean as I did. I retreated to the bedroom and shuffled through my nightstand, finally finding what my fingers had been searching for. My notebook. I sighed as I flipped through the pages. Starting paragraphs littered each page. I barely kept up with the one page minimum I’d promised to Eren. Each page was over before it even started. Maybe today… I swiped a pen from the same drawer and walked into the living room. I grabbed my jacket from the coat hook and pulled it on.

“Levi, you don’t have to leave.” Eren frowned at me as he looked over the back of the couch. I tucked my notebook under my arm and shoved the pen in my pocket, before I walked to the living room.

“I’m gonna go to the park for a bit. See if I can write anything worthwhile. I’ll be back in a little while.” He leaned up over the back of the couch and tugged me towards him by the lapels of my coat. He kissed me, light and loving. Just a simple peck that meant so much. Come back to me. I was wanted, not wandering alone anymore.

“Don’t get too cold, okay?” I nodded and turned around, before slipping my shoes on and walking out silently.

The cool breeze that blew immediately made me reconsider my choice, but I pushed on and ended up at the park. I sat down on one of the lonely benches and willed myself to write. I closed my eyes and thought about the letter to Eren. Words flowed so easily when I wrote it. I started jotting down verse after verse, scribbling out the ones that just weren’t perfect. I wrote until I heard footsteps. I closed my notebook and looked up to see Eren and Jean approaching me. Eren had his guitar slung on his back, I raised my eyebrow and Eren smiled at me.

“Get some writing done?”

“Yeah, a little.” He nodded and gave me a small smile.

“Good. Well Petra wanted me there at 7:30.” I looked at my phone and realized the time.

“SHIT! I didn’t realize-“

“It’s alright! You can walk over with us if you want. Or if you wanna write more it’s fine.” I shook my head and stood up. Like I was going to miss Eren’s performance. I followed them the short distance to the café. Eren and Jean joked about something from school along the way and I trailed behind the two, letting them have a little space.

“Everything okay, Levi?” Eren stopped and smiled at me.

“Yeah.” Words. Social awkwardness was never a good trait of mine… He grinned and slipped his hand out of his pocket, before grabbing mine and tugging me to his side.

“Jean was telling me about his friend Marco.” Eren stepped a little closer to me, his warmth being extremely welcomed. “About how he ran straight into his locker door because he forgot it was open!” I snickered and looked ahead of us, at the snowflakes that were making their way to the ground. It was only a few, but enough for Eren to try and catch one on his tongue. We stepped inside, Jean holding the door for both of us.

“EREN!! BRO!” Izzy ran towards us and caught us both in a hug. Eren chuckled and I kissed him on the cheek before I followed her to the coffee bar. I watched Eren start setting up, adjusting the mic stand to the right height. He went to slip off his jacket and froze, eyes locking onto mine. He walked over and plopped down beside me for a minute, taking advantage of the poet’s last few minutes on the other side of the café.

“Ugh…Levi…” He reach for my hands, fingers trembling. He looked terrified, not excited like he was the last time he performed. “I forgot to change…” I frowned for a moment and rubbed my fingers over his. “I’m…I’m not ready yet. If it’s Jean or you, it’s alright…but…” He shook his head and I stood up.

“Be back in five Petra.” I took his hand and led him through the narrow café to the bathroom in the back. It was a one person bathroom with a locking door luckily. I opened the door and walked inside after him.

“Switch me.”

“But-“ His eyes went wide and I shook my head. “It’s burning up in here, Levi. I don’t want you too-“

“I’ll go without my coat. It’s fine.” Tears welled up in his eyes and I gave him a soft smile, before stepping closer and running my fingers over his cheek. “I’ll be fine, Eren. I want you to be comfortable and be able to enjoy yourself.” He willed his tears away and unzipped his jacket with shaky hands. I pulled off my long sleeve shirt and handed it to him as he handed me his t-shirt. My shirt was a little tight on him, but at least his arms were covered.

“Thank you.” I pressed my lips to his and he smiled, pulling me into a hug.

“No problem. Now go have fun.” I followed Eren back out into the café, taking my place back at the bar.

“Want anything, Bro?” I looked over the menu and nodded.

“Vanilla latte.” Izzy started making my drink as Eren took his place back on the stool. He seemed completely calm now. He started strumming, the first cords of his song echoing throughout the café. I watched him play, completely entrapped. He looked so happy, guitar pulled right up against him. Not to mention that my eyes really didn’t want to move away from his perfect body. The way my shirt clung to him nearly made me sweat. He took a moment after his first song to take a sip of water. The bell to the shop rung and I heard a familiar voice.

“You drove like a grandpa!”

“IT’S SNOWING!!!”

“THERE WASN’T ANY SNOW ON THE ROAD, ARMIN!!” My eyes turned to the two figures shaking snow off their clothes. Eren laughed and waved to his friends.

“Got your permit?” Armin held up his keys proudly and I grinned. Eren clapped for him and smirked. “You’ve only been studying for your test for two years.”

“At least I can drive now!”

“Sure, like you are 80 years old.” Mikasa rolled her eyes and Eren started laughing.

“This next song is dedicated to my friends, like Granny Armin here!” Eren started strumming again and I smiled as Armin and Mikasa joined Jean.

 

 _Seems life forever,_  
Like forever  
Since I tore myself apart  
And left my friends in the wake  
Of countless tears and fading life.  
When I couldn't seem to grasp the life I lead  
And the lives I touch  
Its one year on now  
One year on, one year on  
Still I struggle with the same demons  
I shed as I laid there lost in my head  
Lost in my head

Would I still be going through the same motions of my boring life if I hadn’t met Eren? Probably. He added a spark in my life.

 

 _(Lost in this goddamn hospital bed)_  
I'm not the same man  
And I don't dare try  
(Try to uncover all the darkness I hide)  
Its like my demons are my lovers  
But I've got friends by my side  
I've got hope in my eyes  
And dreams to aspire too  
And the whole wide world to watch below  
(And death won't be my lover  
I've got so much left to give  
And take my life with subtle steps  
Instead of not wanting all that is left)

 

I thought hard about the lyrics, about how similar we were. Eren chose to hide his depression behind a smile. I knew it still hurt. It’s not something that goes away so easily. I just hid mine away in general, trying to mask it all behind an unemotional façade. Either way you looked at it, we were both liars. Except to each other. We understood how one another felt. We don’t have to be strong around each other. We just have to be supportive.

 _Instead of trying to take my own life_  
Its one year on   
And I'm stronger, I want to live much longer  
Not grow old and bitter  
And not jaded  
And not hate what life gave me  
Let the fear wash away  
Let the demons blunt their claws  
On a life that's full of mistakes  
But always searching for much more  
I won't die defeated  
I won't die defeated  
I won't die defeated  
I won't die

How long ago had Eren’s suicide attempt been? I felt my stomach lurch at the thought. If I hadn’t found him. If…

“Bro.” I looked to Izzy and she pointed to my coffee cup. Oh. “Are you alright?” I wiped at my eye, at the tear that I refused to let fall.

“Fine.” I handed her a $5 and told her to keep the change. I turned my eyes back to the vibrant boy on stage. My precious treasure that almost fell through my grasp.

 

 _Cause I've got friends by my side_  
I've got hope in my eyes  
And dreams to aspire too  
And the whole wide world to watch below  
(and death won't be my lover  
I've got so much left to give  
And take my life with subtle steps  
Instead of not wanting all that is left  
No death won't be my lover  
I've got so much left to give  
And take my life with subtle steps  
Instead of not wanting all that is left)

He switched to another song, not singing along with this one. I let myself fall into thought. I wanted more than anything to make Eren happy. To keep that brilliant light within him burning. The flame that warmed my heart.

The rest of the night passed quickly and Armin insisted on taking Jean home, which I was more than thankful for. Eren packed up his guitar and slipped his jacket on.

“Be careful granny.” Armin stuck his tongue out at Eren and he waved goodbye. “See ya guys!” We both waved to Petra and Izzy, before slipping out into the cold. Before my feet even hit the pavement, Eren’s hand closed around mine and he flipped me around, back pressing up against the brick wall of the café. He was pressed right up against me, his body warm against mine. He captured my lips, hair tickling my cheeks. My knees went weak, so I slipped my arms around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. He tasted so sweet, the quick cup of pumpkin spice coffee he had lingering on his tongue. I craved more of it. Craved this closeness. I was drawn to Eren, just like the first snowflakes were drawn to the grass.

He didn’t break away, barely gave me any time to catch my breath, before he was delving in again, taking what was his. What I was completely willing to give. I moaned lightly as he sucked my lower lip into his mouth. Fuck. This boy was driving me absolutely insane. My fingers twisted in his hair and I just lost myself to him. To that ravenous way he was kissing me. Devouring me. Hell, he could swallow me whole and I would have no complaints.

“You know you only live 5 minutes away.” I heard another familiar voice behind us and I buried my face against Eren’s shoulder. He pulled back a little, revealing my heated cheeks. Eren smiled softly at me, not worried about Erwin’s words. He tilted my chin up and pressed a light kiss to my lips, before pulling away.

“And? It’s none of your damn business, caterpillar brows.” Mike chuckled and went on inside the café. Erwin sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying be careful, Levi. Not everyone is so understanding.” He waved to me and Eren before following Mike inside. Eren took ahold of my hand again, before leading me into the street. We walked the short distance home, snow now starting to stick to the sidewalk. The cats greeted us as we climbed the stairs. I unlocked the door and secured it behind us, the warmth from the apartment enveloping us. Eren sat his guitar down by the couch and slipped his jacket off. I threw mine next to his and rubbed over my arms. I wasn’t used to them being so bare, but in front of Eren I didn’t mind so much.

He stepped close to me, arms falling around my waist.

“Hey.” He tilted his forehead down against mine and I grinned.

“Hey.” I broke away suddenly, dragging him behind me towards the bedroom. I playfully pushed him down on the bed and jumped on top. I jumped when I heard the stereo kick on and Eren smirked and tossed the remote off the bed, music pumping through the room.

I leaned forward, straddling his hips and putting my weight down against the bed, one hand on either side of his head. Our lips met again, just as hot and wanting as the first time. He tasted just as sweet. Lips perfectly soft. My hand slipped under his shirt and he inhaled sharply as my fingers ran over his nipple.

“Le-haaa.” I gave it a teasing pinch and his face started turning red.

“Like that?” He nodded quickly and I was fast to tug his shirt off and throw it in the floor. My fingers went back to the sensitive little bud, rubbing in teasing circles. I moved down his body a little, using my tongue to flick his opposite nipple.

“FUCK.” I felt him buck against me and I smirked, before sucking it into my mouth. “Ahhh.” I sucked softly at first, rolling the other between my fingers gently. I sucked a bit harder, causing his fingers to dig into my hair. I pulled away with a pop and moved even lower. I unzipped his jeans and tossed them in the floor, along with his boxers. He tugged at my own shirt and I threw it off, quickly ridding myself of any remaining clothing while I was at it. I dug through the drawer quickly and tossed the bottle of lube beside his thigh, before I climbed back on top of him, kissing him roughly for a moment. Then I moved back down, trailing kisses over his thighs.

He was looking down at me, cheeks dusted a brilliant shade of pink. Everything was still new between us. Still being discovered. I looked down at him, at his impressive length. He whimpered as I gave it a few strokes, before wrapping my lips around the head.

“HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD-“ He moaned and his fingers swept through my hair, the other hand grasping at the sheets. I swirled my tongue around, tasting the unique taste that was Eren, before I took him deeper. I sucked lightly at first, then harder, drawing a delicious moan from him. I pushed down further, feeling him nearly hit the back of my throat before I pulled back. “Le-Levi.” He was panting hard, thighs quivering. I simply grinned and reach for the bottle, popping it open easily and coating my fingers. My mouth returned to his cock, teasing and sucking as my finger circled around his entrance. He whimpered as I slipped in the single digit. “AGHH-haaaaaa.” His hips were wiggling beneath me, not sure what to do. I put my free hand on his hip, silently telling him to stop moving.

Within a minute or so, he was ready for two. I slipped in a second finger and took him deep into my throat again, nearly drawing a scream from him. “FUCK! FUCK-“ He inhaled sharply, abandoning my hair for the other side of the sheet. I scissored my fingers, stretching him further. Making him ready. He was moaning loudly, letting out a groan every time I brushed over that sensitive spot. By the third finger he was babbling nonsense, clawing frantically at the sheets. I sucked harder and quicker, longing for more of those delightful sounds. One particular thrust made his back arch up and he was nearly sobbing. “LEVI, C-Can’t!” I sucked him down all the way again and that was it. He was crying out and arching off the bed, shooting down my throat. He was breathing heavy as I pulled back, gently slipping my fingers free.

“Fuck, you are so sexy.” I licked my lips, before I darted forward and captured his. He kissed me back frantically, fingers trailing down my sides. I reach for the bottle again and coated myself generously, before positioning myself in between his hips. “Ready?” He nodded and I pushed in, feeling him tighten around me. He moaned and his head fell back against the pillow, hand reaching out for me. I locked our fingers together and gave an experimental twist of my hips, causing him to arch up.

“H-HNNNG.” I raised my eyebrow and reach between us, grasping his already hardening length. “AGHHH.” His eyes went wide and I smirked.

“Still sensitive from where I sucked you?” He nodded, not able to process the words. I pumped him a few times with my hand as I slowly started to thrust into that perfect warm heat. “Not too sensitive though, right?” He nodded again, writhing under me. I smiled and played with the slit of his cock as I moved, slowly starting to set a rhythm. I pulled his leg up a little and leaned forward to give his nipple a lick.

“Leee-“ I could hear his nails biting into the sheets, feel him pulsing in my palm. I sucked his nipple into my mouth and I continued to pump him with my hand and thrust into him, now picking up the pace. “AGHHHH.” I bit down lightly, making his whole body jolt and arch. I was fucking him hard now, making his back rub against the sheets. I pulled back from his chest for a moment to look up at him. He was red faced and trembling, moving beneath me.

“So you like a little pain then? It feels good, doesn’t it?” He nodded hands moving to my shoulder. I took his other nipple into my mouth and bit down the same way. He cried out and I could feel his heart pounding against me. I pulled back suddenly, cock slipping free of that wet heat. He groaned as my hand fell away and I straddled him for a moment, kissing all his worries away. “You think I’m just gonna leave you like this?” I teased his red nipple as I spoke, drawing out little whimpers. “Maybe that will be fun to try some other day, huh? See how long I can drag it out.” His eyes were heavy lidded, completely fucked. I smirked and slid to the side, pulling him forward. I nudged him up onto his hands and knees and moved behind him, running my fingers over his back for a moment. “Let’s see how deep it goes like this. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

I pushed in, seating myself completely and he cried out, head falling down against the covers. FUCK. He felt so good. I let a moan tear itself from my throat as I began to move, feeling him squeeze around me again.

“FUCK. You feel so good Eren.” I gave a hard thrust and he screamed. Fucking screamed. “Found it, huh?” I pushed forward again and he let out the same noise, knuckles gripping onto the blankets for dear life. I set a ruthless pace, feeling that tight coiling start. I reach for the bottle of lube and poured it over my hand, before reaching underneath him and gripping his cock. HARD. He cried out again, whole body shaking as I worked him. Worked him and filled him. Hitting that perfect bundle of nerves over and over. His cock was sliding in my hand, perfectly lubed. The sounds he was making set me on fire, fueled me to thrust harder and faster.

“LEE-LEVI!!!” He screamed again, back arching almost painfully as he released over my hand and over the bed. I couldn’t take it. Hearing him call my name like that, mixed with the perfect tightness was too much. I cried out, releasing deep inside and thrust a few more times, riding out my orgasm. I pulled out and fell beside him, arm slung over his back.

“Fuck.” I was panting. I leaned my head against his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his neck. “Wasn’t too much, was it?” He shook his head and looked over at me, a sated smile on his face.

“Amazing.” I grinned, before pulling the blanket over us. We were upside down on the bed, but I didn’t really give a fuck. I was too tired to move. “Love you.” He turned on his side and pulled me right up against him.

“Love you too, Eren.” Within a few minutes he had dozed off, breaths evening out. I was soon to follow, too damn exhausted to move.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be nice :) they encourage me to keep writing. I hope you guys are still liking this! :)

I awoke the next morning from the sun shining in my face. I rubbed at my tired eyes and looked over to Eren. Though his lower body was covered by the blanket, his upper body was bare. His head was tucked against my shoulder, strands of that beautiful chocolate hair falling everywhere. I lifted the arm that was lazily draped around his waist and brought it up to his face, sweeping the fallen strands back.

“Mhmm…”

“Morning.” Brilliant turquoise looked up towards me sleepily and he smiled before he stretched.

“It’s sunny today.” I chuckled and pulled him a little closer.

“Hopefully it’ll be good weather for our date then.” I pressed a kiss to his forehead and stretched before sliding out of bed.

 

 

The rest of the morning went quickly. We showered, got dressed and had a quick breakfast before heading outside. The snow from last night didn’t amount to much. Just a light dusting on everything.

“So where are we headed, Levi?” I pulled out from the neighborhood with a smile.

“It’s a secret.” Eren groaned and leaned back in his seat.

“It’s always a secret with you!”

“Where would the fun be if it wasn’t?” He simply smiled and turned to look out from his window.

“We are driving passed my old neighborhood?” I frowned as I looked at the side streets.

“We have to in order to get there, but if you’d rather do something else-“

“No. It’s fine.” I carefully avoided his old street at least, and eventually we were on our way to the outskirts of the city. To another special place that I held dear. We pulled into the parking lot and Eren looked around with a smile. “A park?”

“Yulp. It’s probably going to be pretty abandoned today, but I thought you would like it. I used to come here with Izzy a lot. We would catch the bus and ride all the way here, then spend the day.” He jumped out of the car and ran to the fence, eagerly waiting for me. I joined him after I locked the car and threw my bag over my shoulder. It just made everything easier to carry.

There weren’t many people out, just a lone lady walking her dog and a few kids trying to scrape enough snow together to make a snowman. That wasn’t gonna happen. I started walking towards the path that led through the park and Eren trailed after me.

“Ugh…Levi?” I looked to Eren and he simply smiled. I felt his hand wrap around mine and my heart began to pound. This was real. A real relationship. A somewhat healthy one at that. I gripped his hand tightly as we walked together, occasionally swinging our arms back and forth.

This…This was the only time I could remember that I wasn’t ashamed. Ashamed to live my life. To be proud of my life. Sure I didn’t have much, but I have Eren. I have a few good friends and I have a steady job. Not to mention I’m sober. None of that couldn’t really be said three years ago. I guess I’m allowed to be a little proud of myself. I’ve come a long way considering.

Eren happily waved at the lady and her humongous dog as we walked by and she gave us a sweet smile. His hand felt warm in mine. A welcomed heat from the chill. The weather wasn’t bitterly cold, but it definitely wasn’t beach weather. I felt my foot slide and Eren caught me as I began to fall, we both crashed to the ground and he started laughing. I had a soft landing on top of Eren at least.

“I was about to tell you to watch for the ice!” I chuckled and helped him to his feet. “Be careful, Levi.” I felt my face heat up as he took my hand again. I closed the distance between us, leaning my head on his shoulder as we walked.

“I know this isn’t much of a date, but I wanted to show you this place.” His eyes lit up as he spotted the pond, mostly ice at this time of year.

“No! This is perfect! Please bring me back when it’s nice out!” I nodded and we made our way to a bench beside the pond. Eren used the corner of his scarf to brush the dusting of snow off the bench so we could sit.

I opened my bag and pulled out the thermoses. One filled with hot soup, the other filled with tea. I filled the lid up with soup and offered some to Eren. We sat there happily, sipping on our soup and tea. This was a peaceful place, a place we could both enjoy.

“Levi, I was wondering…” I looked to him as he sipped on the hot tea, nose red from the cold. “Have you ever written lyrics before?” I cocked my eyebrow and glanced at the edge of my notebook sticking out of my bag.

“Not necessarily…I’ve written poems. I guess they could be turned into a song.” He sighed and started tapping on the lid.

“I’m just having trouble coming up with original lyrics. I can write the music no problem, but when I try to add words it just goes sour.” I frowned and hesitated for a moment, before I pulled my notebook out.

“It takes practice Eren. But…if it helps any you can look through my poems. I’ve been writing a little more lately.” I flipped open the notebook and handed it to him. “Just keep in mind it’s not really edited or perfect. You can tell the poems from the stanzas.” I flipped a few more pages and he beamed at me as his eyes danced over the text.

“This is amazing Levi! Are you sure I can use this?!”

“Just as long as you give me credit, I don’t mind. I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather hear than you singing one of my poems.”

We packed up the containers once we were finished with our lunch and started walking the rest of the path. Eren took my hand once again, humming along to some song in his head. He stopped suddenly and tugged me aside, pressing me up against and ancient tree. It towered over the park and had beautiful blooms in the springtime.

“What-“ His hand cupped my cheek softly, before his thumb trailed over to my lower lip. My words froze. Time froze. Everything froze except the pounding of my heart and the snowflakes that were now falling around us. I could feel it. Feel him pressed right up against me. Feel his heart pounding against my own chest. “Eren…” He simply smiled, the rays of sun reflecting off the snow made his eyes glow even more brilliantly. How could one kid have this effect on me? Draining me of all my energy at once, but at the same time making me feel more alive than I ever have been. More alive than any drug could every push me. When he finally closed the distance between us and our tongues met, fluidly. Warm. Gentle. The piece of home that I craved. Would always crave. I gave in. Let him lean me all the way back. Support me. Support my weak knees, my spinning head. When he pulled away, it took all the energy I had to open my eyes. All my strength to will him to stay. All my power to push away the fear in my heart. I was in dangerous territory. Eren could break me apart if he wanted to, but somehow I knew I could trust him.

My arms wound around his neck, fingers stroking through those soft brown locks. I could see the subtle difference in the highlights and lowlights of his hair in the sun. It was beautiful. Completely natural. I pulled him in again. I needed another taste. Another dose of my new favorite drug. It was getting colder outside, but I could care less. Eren was all the warmth that I needed. My heart was aching for him. I needed to be close like this. So close I could feel his pulse. He pulled away with a soft smile, both of us breathing heavy. I whimpered. Fucking whimpered.

I immediately turned my face away and buried it against his shoulder. What was happening to me? I pulled him closer, smelling that sweet scent that was uniquely him. I felt a tightness in my chest. My mind was spinning. Heart pounding. I was terrified. Terrified to let go. I gasped against his shoulder and he flipped us around. What if…What if something happened? What if we were torn apart? I know I couldn’t handle it. I know-

“Levi.” He said my name softly, running small circles over my back, before his fingers played with the fuzz of my undercut. I couldn’t answer him. Couldn’t breathe normally. “Shhh. I’m here.” I felt us move. He was sliding down the tree, pulling me onto his lap.

“Er-Eren.” Why was his jacket wet? Surely the snow hadn’t-

“Don’t cry. It’s okay.” I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder and sure enough, the material was wet. When was the last time I cried? The same hand that was running through my undercut gently cupped the back of my head, supporting me. The other wrapped around my back, pressing me right up against him. I tried taking a few deep breaths. They were shaky, but somehow I managed. My arms were tingling. Heart breaking apart. I was starting to crave it again. The sweet bite of metal, the- “Levi. Talk to me.” I felt his words vibrate through his chest. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

“C-Can’t…” I shook my head, unable to find the right words. I took a few more breaths and tried again. “I know it sounds fucking stupid…but…” I pulled my face back and wiped at my eyes. “I’m happy. Happy and terrified at the same time.” Eren simply nodded and kept listening silently. “I’m just overwhelmed with my feelings for you, but I’m so scared that I will lose you. That-“

“I’m not going anywhere, Levi. My place is by your side. You gave me a reason to live. I’m happy now, because of you.” Happy. He’s…he’s happy? I felt my eyes burn again and I tried to calm down. What if I fucked up? What if I ended up hurting Eren?! What if- “Hey! Stop!” I felt him grab my hand and pull it away. I’d been scratching at my skin. Trying to find a secondary outlet for my emotions. “Listen to me! You are all I could ever want. Sure you may have flaws, but guess what?! So do I. That’s what couples do. They work on their weaknesses together. We can do this Levi. You just have to give it a chance.” I looked into those perfect pools of turquoise. Cheeks and nose red from the cold, but there was a warm smile on his face. Welcoming. Home. Mine.

I brushed our lips together again, tasting the own salt from my tears. Eren didn’t seem to mind, just tugged me closer. Held me tighter. “I won’t ever let you fall.”

“I fucking love you, Eren.” I whispered it against his lips, just as a gust of wind blew. I hunkered against him, trying to shield my face from the cold.

“I love you more that you could ever imagine, Levi. I think we should go to the car, it’s getting cold out.” I didn’t want to get up. Didn’t want to move, but Eren helped me up. He even slung my bag over his shoulder. “Come here.” I felt his arm wrap around my me as we began to walk through the fresh snow. He pulled me up against his side, covering my raw face from the bitter breeze. “I’ve got you.” I nodded against him. My heart was still racing, but not like it was. I just had to trust that Eren would always be here. That nothing would ever separate us.

I peeked around as we walked through the park. The sun was going down. The park was all but abandoned, the lone crunch of our shoes in the snow being the only sound around us. By the time we reach the car, the street lamps were on. It was dark, even more so than in the city. This little park was surrounded by forest. The closest houses were a few miles away. We were alone, basking in the calming silence. I leaned against the car and Eren pressed up against me, keeping me warm with his body heat.

“Look.” I motioned up and Eren smiled. Way up in the night sky, amongst the falling flakes around us were the stars. Shining brilliantly. We could see them in between the clouds. Clouds that were dropping snow all around us.

“It’s beautiful.” I nodded and reach for his hand. You couldn’t see stars like this in the city. The lights were too bright. Too polluted with neon lights. Our fingers locked together and I pulled him down for another kiss. Needed another one. Just like the stars had the moon, I had Eren. After a few moments of us kissing in the starlight, I unlocked the car.

“Eren…” He looked at me curiously, but I gave his hand a squeeze. “P-Please…” I felt my face heat up, which in the cold like this was a ridiculous thought. Before I knew it, we were in the back seat, arms wrapped around each other. His lips were on my neck. Licking, sucking, marking me as his, which I was more than okay with. My hands were roaming under his shirt, over his smooth skin. Things were heating up quickly, and though I wanted to take off my jacket, Eren wouldn’t allow it. I guess my dumb ass could have started the car first, but things took off at a fast pace.

“Don’t want you to get cold.” He whispered it against my lips and I felt my heart flutter. He was genuinely concerned for my well being. He was straddling my lap and I could feel his length pressing against me, more than ready for attention. “L-Levi…” He was grinding against me, cheeks flushed. I groaned, my own cock straining against my jeans. I gave his ass a squeeze and he stood up enough to tug off his jeans and underwear. He took his place back on my lap and I started sucking on my own fingers, trying to get them nice and wet. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. Note to self: Keep an extra bottle of lube in the car.

His arms were wrapped around my neck, eyes staring right into mine. I pulled my fingers out of my mouth and moved his coat out of the way, finding that tight little entrance quickly. I let his coat fall back into place, hopefully keeping him warm as I prepped him. I teased him only for a moment, before I pushed inside. A sweet moan fell from his lips and drew a smile from me.

“Feel good?” He moaned again as I began to move my finger, preparing him carefully.

“Y-Yes.” He leaned forward a bit more, pushing his ass back and his face right against mine. His lips crashed into mine and I kissed back passionately. Heat. All around me. Love. Stronger than anything I’d experienced. I added another finger, making him groan into the kiss. When we pulled apart to catch our breath, I could see clouds of mist around us. The windows were starting to fog up, but I could really care less. We were out here alone, so it didn’t matter. He was pushing back against my fingers now, ready for a third. I granted his wish and he moaned loudly, gripping the seat behind me. “FUCK. Levi!” I gave him another minute to adjust, before I pulled my fingers free. I needed Eren. And I needed him right this second. He leaned back so I could yank my pants down just enough to free my cock.

What I didn’t expect was for him to drop to the floor of the car and begin to taste me, making me nice and wet for him.

“Shit! Eren. HNNNG.” My fingers tightened in his hair and before I could register what was happening, he was taking his place back on my lap.

“Can I Levi? Please?” He was gone. Face red and lips wet from where they’d been wrapped around me.

“Fuck yes.” He slowly lowered himself down, burying me deep inside that perfect warmth. I couldn’t help the groan that escaped me.

“Levi. UGH.” His arms were back around my neck and I leaned forward a bit so he could wrap his legs completely around me. Press us closer together. He whined against my neck, head drawing back only to capture my lips again.

“Babe. AHH. Fuck you feel so good. So warm.” He was ravaging me. Devouring me from both ends. Completely taking me away. I barely pulled away to catch my breath, just held on tighter to him as he bounced in my lap. I gave in, meeting him halfway and pulling the most delicious sounds from him.

“N-Need. HAAAAAAAA.” I gripped him tighter, grinding him down on me roughly. “THAT. NEED THAT!!!” I repeated my actions, slamming him down on me. “FUCK. AAGGGGH.” He couldn’t decide between gasping and moaning or kissing me, so it was an odd combination of both. I angled my hips a bit differently and I felt his nails lick at my shoulder. His eyes watered and his eyes screwed shut, a deep groan echoing through the car.

“There? I found it didn’t I? Fuck!! You feel so good, don’t you Eren?” He nodded furiously, using all the energy he had to bounce up and down. The car was rocking with my every thrust and I couldn’t help but smile. Couldn’t help but watch this beautiful creature on top of me. “That’s it babe. Yes. Yes. YES.” My hands moved to his ass and I moved just a bit more. He groaned at first then I drew out a scream. A fucking scream.

“LEVI! HOLY SHIT! AHGHHHH. Don’t stop. PLEASE!” Our mouths connected again, teeth clashing and tongues lapping. I kept pounding into him, feeling that unrelenting heat in my stomach. That tension. “HNNNNNG!” Eren screamed into the kiss and I felt warmth flood between us. He kept whimpering, completely fucked. Just the sounds coming from him were enough to send me over the edge.

“EREN! FUCK.” I thrust a few more times, before my orgasm hit. Burying myself to the hilt as I came. “Fuck. I love you.” We were both panting, sitting in the frozen car. I felt Eren’s lips twist into a smile against my neck. He sat up, quickly pulling his pants on.

“Love you too, Levi.” We adjusted our clothes and moved to the front, too cold now that the friction was gone. “Want to finish this back at the apartment?” I smirked and raised my eyebrow at him as he held his hands in front of the vents. “Round two?” I rolled my eyes and started towards the apartment.

“As if I could say no to you.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Levi is a little OOC with the emotions and things...but eh. That's how this story goes. 
> 
> Also, sorry! I know it's pretty short, but I didn't want to put anything else in this chapter so...

Eren had been working on a new song the last few days, practicing it on and off during the day. I always loved to hear him play and it was just a plus that Erwin didn’t mind either. Most of the customers loved Eren’s playing, so it was definitely a positive thing.

The bell to the shop rang and Izzy came leaping through, a giant smile on her face. “BIG BRO! EREN!” I waved at Izzy as I continued to organize the drawers in my work space. “Where’s fuzzy brows at?!”

“Is that any way to talk about the guy that will be inking you, Izzy?” She grinned and gave Erwin a hug.

“Getting a tattoo today?” I raised my eyebrow at Izzy and she nodded happily.

“Yeah! I saved up half finally! Erwin will let me make payments on the rest!” My mind thought back for a moment to the tattoo that she’d discussed with Erwin. I frowned as I shut the drawer I was working on.

“What are you getting, Isabel?” Eren had leant his guitar up against the wall and walked over to look at the sketch Erwin was holding. “Oh…” I don’t know what swept through me. Anger? Grief? Regret? A bit of all three, I think. I silently walked over to Eren and grabbed his hand, gently tugging him with me. “Levi-?”

“Ugh…I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll go home early, Erwin.” I didn’t look him in the eyes as I said it, but he told me that Hanji could cover my shift no problem. Eren followed me into the back, where we grabbed our belongings and suited up for the weather. He was quiet as we got dressed and followed me out to the car without question.

I got in and drove. Just fucking drove. Who knows where I was going, I sure as hell didn’t. I could feel his eyes on me, practically feel his frown.

“Levi? What’s going on?” He leaned over and put his hand on my shoulder. I didn’t even deserve Eren. He was too…too kind and sweet. Not after everything I’d done. But no matter what card’s I’d played right to get him, I’d be damned if I lost him.

“Don’t…” I looked at my fingers shaking on the steering wheel. “Don’t want to talk about it right now. Okay?” I looked at him and a look of understanding swept over his face. He simply gave me a warm smile and switched on the radio, before he moved closer. It was a little awkward, but he was leaning his head on my shoulder, arm wrapped around my own as I drove.

We drove for a while and finally, I realized where we were destined to end up. The ocean. I pulled up to one of the empty parking areas, the beach completely abandoned for the winter.

It was weird seeing everything covered in snow, up to the shoreline. Eren reach for my hand and pulled me up against his side as we walked closer to the waves. This place was calming, quiet. Definitely what I needed right now. Not to mentioned my bright eyed-beauty hanging on my arm. That was definitely a plus. Just being in his presence was calming.

We started walking down the beach, avoiding the waves as we went. I can't wait until summer, when we can actually walk through the water again and not worry about hypothermia.

“I...I've never really talked to Isabel....” Eren turned to me and frowned.

“What do you mean?” His eyebrow was raised in question, but he still held onto me firmly, body heat transferring between us.

“About what happened... with Farlan.” He stopped and wrapped his arms around my waist. It was hard to look him in the eyes when I felt like this. I knew he wouldn't judge me. He loves me for who I am, no matter what my shitty past was like. He hummed softly for me to continue, and before I did, I leaned closer, hugging him tightly.

“Erwin was the first person I called. I just didn't know what to do.” I felt my eyes stinging, but I refused to let the tears fall. He called the cops for me and rushed over. Luckily, he got there before they did...” I choked on the tears and pushed my face into Eren's chest. He was my safe place. No matter where we were. I wanted to claw at my arms, but they were wrapped around him. Desperately trying to avoid hurting myself.

“It s'not your fault.” His voice was muffled a little from his lips being pressed into my hair. It was starting to snow again, the white powder drifting all around us.

“H-He...” I clawed at Eren's shirt and finally felt a tear slip loose. “I know he had to have been going at least 90 to get to me so fast.” My fingers were shaking, trying to wipe my tears away before he could spot them. He broke the fucking door, because I was too terrified to move. He flushed everything. The needles, the bands, the stash. All of it went down the toilet. I was completely numb. And I fucking lost it when Erwin wrapped his arms around me. I was so broken...so...” I was trying to control my tears, trying to not make it noticeable, but I know he could hear it in my voice. One hand reach up and started wiping my tears away, letting me fall apart in his arms.

“The first thing he worried about was if I was going to go to jail or not. Erwin...I owe him a lot...” I felt Eren hug me even tighter and I brought my arms in between us, just relaxing into that warm embrace that I loved. That I desperately needed.

“But you're clean now, Levi. You don't have to worry about that anymore.” I felt him stroke my cheek softly and I shook my head.

“Not a fucking day goes by that I don't want to do it Eren. I still crave it. Still want that high. But...I've got something more important than that now. I'll never go back to that. Not after all it's cost me. I'll be damned if I lose anything else.” I was practically sobbing now. Since when did I do this? The last time I broke down was mainly based on my blood alcohol content. I don't do this. I don't put my emotions out in the open like this. It makes you weak, makes you-

“Shhhh...” And then his fingers were combing through my hair. Lips whispering positive words to me. Words that I hadn't heard in a long time. “You've done so well, Levi. Worked so hard.” I clenched onto his shirt desperately. I needed him to anchor me, needed this. “I'm proud of you.” I froze and looked up at him through watery eyes. His eyes were wet also, only a couple tears working their way down.

“E-Eren...” He shook his head and pushed my bangs back, before placing a kiss on my forehead.

“I love you Levi. It tears me apart to see you so sad...But you need to know that I AM proud of you. You have accomplished not only one, but two of the hardest addictions to break. I know we are still working on the second together and I know there is bound to be a slip up every now and again, but you are doing so well.” He smiled at me, that brilliant smile that made my heart flutter.

I was doing well? He knows how hard it is. Knows the struggle with depression. With losing someone close. I pushed my face right into his chest again and screamed. Fucking screamed. The beach was empty, but the sound of my echoing scream scared away the few lingering seagulls around us. They squawked as they flew off, no doubt cursing me in their own language.

“It's gonna be okay. I promise. We've got each other Levi.”

“Eren!” I hadn't even cried this hard at the funeral. Hadn't cried like this when my parents died. Even the withdrawals hadn't brought emotions like these to the surface. “I'm so sorry! I always drag you down! Always...” I shook my head frantically as I grabbed at his shirt. He needed someone strong. Someone positive. Not a broken piece of shit like me. I felt my knees go weak and we fell down into the damp sand. Eren yanked me onto his lap and those wonderfully strong arms wrapped around me again. Pulling me impossibly close.

“Levi...” Calloused fingers swept through my hair, trying to calm this storm of emotions. “We both need this. Need each other. It was meant to be. We understand each other so well. We can relate and it makes things easier. I'll always be here for you. No matter what it's over. I may not be able to understand completely, but I'll fucking try.” I nodded against his chest and he tried to soothe me with his humming as I continued to cry. But only time would stop these tears.

 

 

 

I only stopped crying when I'd pretty much run out of tears. I was exhausted, not even wanting to move from this spot of warmth, but snow was collecting around us and I could tell Eren was shivering. He's been sitting on the damp sand this whole time. I'd be pissed at myself if he got sick from it. This was all my fault, all my-

“Shhhh...” His fingers swept over my cheek, along with a few light kisses. “You've finally calmed down. Don't think about anything else for a while. I can tell you are tired.” I nodded my head and just let my forehead fall against his shoulder. Trying to quiet my thoughts for a while. “Let's head home.”

I let Eren drive home, not giving a fuck if he had a license. It was pretty late and I doubt anyone in our part of town gave a fuck anyway. It was very rare that you would see a cop. We pulled into the complex right after dark, and Eren held my hand all the way up the steps. The cats followed us as usual and Eren spoke to them as we walked. One even dared to follow us inside, but he shooed it off.

I was numb, emotionally drained. All I had the energy to do was kick on my disgusting boots. They were caked with ice, mud and sand. Not to mention the salty grit that they spread all over the sidewalks. I felt the water start seeping into my socks and Eren quickly went to work, pulling me away from the puddle by the door. He led me into the bedroom and started stripping me. My wet coat, my filthy jeans. Everything went into the hamper, along with his own dirty clothes. I frowned at the amount of mud and sand soaked through his own jeans. The car would no doubt be a disaster in the morning.

He pulled away for a moment, calmly walking into the bathroom. I heard the tub start and I shivered.

“Come here.” He took my hand and pulled me into the bathroom. I was on autopilot, simply following after him. I kicked off my socks, the only remaining item I had left and he pulled me right up against him. The tub was filling up, steaming from the hot water pouring into it. Eren needed it more than me. He deserved the whole tub to himself. Hell he deserved a fucking hot tub for all the shit I've put him through.

He walked me over to the tub and climbed in first, trying to get comfortable, before he tugged on my hand. The water was still running. Still filling up the tiny tub. It'd be amazing if we both fit. His knees were already sticking up out of the water. Tch. He's so tall. I swallowed hard and climbed in, carefully sinking down in the water against him.

“There we go.” His arms wrapped around me as I settled in between his legs. The water felt amazing. Warmth to heat our chilled bones. He moved a little and reach over to the edge of the tub. He dipped a washcloth into the water and started cleaning my face gently. Washing away any salty residue.

It felt nice, being taken care of him. I felt my body relax against him, completely handing over the reins. I was exhausted and I trusted Eren. In between washing my face and neck, he reach forward to shut off the water. I heard him pour body wash onto the cloth and he kept washing, very slowly, very calmy working his way over each body part. I felt my eyes shut and I was startled awake by a few kisses on my neck.

“Go ahead and stand up. Water's getting cold.” I stood up and stepped out and he immediately followed. He wrapped a towel around me and started drying me off, while he dripped all over the place. I really needed to clean tomorrow. Needed-

“Mmph.” He interrupted my thoughts with a soft kiss, before he started ruffling my hair with the towel. That perfect smile he gave me warmed my heart. A small smile spread across my lips, if only for a second and he noticed. He quickly dried himself off and pulled me into the bedroom. He turned the covers down and pulled me in between the clean sheets. I couldn't help but sigh as he pulled the blankets up around us.

I laid my head against his bare chest, breathing in the smell of my body wash on him. It wasn't a smell I minded at all. He pressed a kiss against the top of my head and I tilted it up for a second to look into those perfect eyes. He pressed his lips to mine and it was anything but heated. It was a simple chaste kiss, but it was far from meaningless. In that one peck he showed me just how much he cared for me. That he would protect me and continue to be here for me.

This kid...no this man. He had witness me fall apart on multiple occasions, and he refused to run away. He was dealing with a mountain of issues in his own life, but he pushed them aside to help me. Because he loves me. Because he deeply cares for me. I felt my eyes burn again, but I refused to let any more tears fall.

“Thank you.” He smiled again and pressed yet another kiss to my forehead.

“You don't have to thank me. We are a team, Levi. Remember?” I nodded and let my head fall back down against his chest. I didn't bother to tell him that I loved him, because those words didn't have to be spoken. It was pointless in a moment like this. A moment where we were just wrapped around each other, limbs tangled together and fingers gently caressing one another. It was simply about comfort and neither of us felt any pressure to take it any further than that. We just calmy took care of one another, which consisted of him continuing to stroke my hair while I ran my fingers over his chest and arms. Eren is all I'll ever need. My everything. Even if I fall apart, he will be right here to put me back together. I just have to trust him with every piece of my heart.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty long chapter for once o.o
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> Also, follow me on tumblr   
> http://xxdeja-uchihaxx.tumblr.com/

The next day was pretty long. I was drained from my little emotional outburst yesterday, so Hanji bouncing around the shop was doing nothing but pissed me off. Eren came to the shop with me this evening for a little while, but he left a couple of hours ago to get a bite to eat with Armin and Jean. It wasn’t that I was bored without him or anything.

“Levi, how many times are you going to clean that counter top? I’m sure prolonged exposure to Lysol wipes will make your skin fall off.”

“Tch. Mind your own business, shitty glasses.” She simply laughed and leaned back in her seat.

“Awww. Someone is grumpy without their cutie around.” I slammed the drawer as I put my wipes away and Hanji nearly fell out of her seat.

“I said can it!” She fell silent and I rolled my eyes at her as I crossed my arms over my chest. The bell to the shop rang and Mike walked in, looking at me with a nod. “Finally. Someone that can mind their own damn business.” He simply cocked an eyebrow and walked to the back to find Erwin.

The rest of the hour passed in an awkward silence between us, aside from a young woman coming in to get her ears done again. I chose to set up on the table next to Mike, while Erwin sketched out a forearm piece.

My eyes fell to the door of the shop when it opened and my bright eyed brunette walked in with a perfect smile on his face, guitar slung over his shoulder. I looked at the bag in his hands and a blush swept over his cheeks.

“L-Levi! Can I put this in your car?” I raised my eyebrow in question and went to grab my keys, all the while hearing Hanji pestering Eren about what was in the bag.

“Leave him alone, Hanji.” I tugged Eren along and we walked out to the car together. “How was your time with Armin and Jean?”

“It was nice. His grandad gave me some money for helping Armin with his music class, so we went to the mall for a little while.

“That’s good.” Eren nodded and slipped his guitar and bag inside my car.

“So I bought you a little something for later.” He grinned at me and I smirked.

“You bought something for me?” I nudged him up against the side of my car and he smiled at me. That striking smile that I loved so much. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I felt the cold metal of the car against my arms, but I paid it no mind as I pressed a few kisses against his neck, before tilting his chin down to steal those perfect lips.

“Can I have a hint?” I whispered it against his lips, breath ghosting against his skin.

“It’s a surprise.” He smiled and ran his fingers over my cheek. “Finally you get a taste of your own medicine!” I smirked and captured his lips again, before tugging him inside. We still had a couple more hours before we had to be at the café.

“SOOOO...” Hanji leaned forward as Eren plopped down beside of her. I sat back down next to Mike and crossed my arms. “What was in the bag?” Eren stuck his tongue out at her and I smirked.

“None of your business.” She whined and kept poking at him.

“Stop it Hanji.” She backed up a little and sighed.

“You guys are no fun! Levi's grumpiness is wearing off on you.” I rolled my eyes and turned to face to door as I heard the bell. Izzy walked in, not bouncing and jumping for one.

“Hey Isabel.” Eren waved at her and she smiled at him, though it was a forced one.

“Aniki... I think we should talk.” I frowned and felt my heart speed up.

“Go on, Levi.” Erwin spoke up and my eyes darted between the two. Evidently, the two of them had talked during her tattoo session. I sighed and jumped down off the table to follow her in to the break room. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it.

“Well?” Tears welled up in her eyes and I frowned. I had no intention of making her cry.

“Don't be like this, Levi!” My eyes went wide. She actually called me by my name. Something was very wrong. “Why do you hate me?!” My mouth fell open and I felt myself shaking my head immediately.

“I could never hate you. What are you talking about?”

“Every time I come here, you just up and leave! You expect me to believe that?!” I felt my chest tighten and I lifted my sleeve up to scratch at my wrist. Just a little. A tiny bit of relief.

“It's not... I mean...” I looked to the floor and kept shaking my head. I didn't want to have this conversation, I never wanted to have it.

“You do! You hate me!” I screwed my eyes shut and dug my nails into my arm.

“NO! It's not true!” I felt the sweet bite of my nails into my skin and gripped tighter. Eren was my anchor, if I could hold onto him now, then maybe...maybe I could be strong. But she wanted to have this conversation alone. “I feel like a fuckup, okay?!” I nearly screamed it at her and ran my nails across my wrist. “I fucked everything up!” She frowned and her tears finally broke free, running down her cheeks.

“What are you talking about?” She was looking at me completely oblivious to what I was even trying to say.

“FARLAN IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME, OKAY?!” Her mouth fell open and her hand went to cover her lips.

“Aniki...”

“It's my fault that your friend died. It's my fault that you even have that fucking memorial tattoo. He overdosed because of me! I wasn't responsible enough to control what we were doing! I had no intentions of stopping. It's all my fucking fault! I can't bring Farlan back! I loved him and I let him die!” I was practically screaming at her and I felt my own tears break lose. I slid down the door and pulled my knees up to my chest, digging into my wrist as much as my nails would allow.

“And I've never had the balls to tell you how sorry I am. I was never there for you when you needed me. I never...” I choked on my tears and slammed my fist into the door behind me. “I'm such a coward. A worthless coward that killed your best friend.” She was silent. Completely silent. Like she was trying to search for the right words to say. I was sick of this. Sick of running. Sick of crying.

“Levi...” She walked over and dropped to her knees in front of me, her arms wrapping around me and holding me.

“I'm sorry. So fucking sorry...” I kept shaking my head and I felt her touch her cheek to mine. Our tears mixed together as they dripped down and I listened to myself choke out breaths. My anxiety was crushing me. I'd done everything I could to avoid this.

“It's not your fault.” I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter in frustration.

“It was! I should have stopped him! I-”

“Farlan was too fucking hard headed for his own good! Even more stubborn that you!” I shut my mouth and just listened to her. “Even if you told him to stop, he wouldn't have! Even if you took the drugs and hid them away, he would have gotten more! He told me things that I could never have told you at the time Levi. He...” She shook her head and pulled back to look me in the eyes.

“Farlan did some terrible things. Things that I was terrified to tell you, because you were already so miserable. I didn't want you to...” She glanced down at my arms, red and bloody. “I didn't want to lose you, Aniki.” She shook her head and leaned back on her legs and took my hand in hers.

“What...what did he-” She shook her head and tried to wipe her tears.

“He was really too far gone to save Levi...” I frowned and ran my thumb over her hand. She was just as nervous as I was. “When you weren't together or didn't have enough cash around...he'd go to these awful places. He...he would do things just for the drugs! He...” She shook her head. “I picked him up one day, because he needed a ride. Some place down on the worst side of town. The building was practically falling apart.” She wiped at her eyes, mascara staining her cheeks. “He was nearly passed out on the floor, half naked with a needle stuck in his arm. And...and when I took him...” She started crying again and looked at me. “I'm so sorry Levi...I really should have told you before...but the guy just grabbed the fucking needle out of his arm and used what was left. He...” She was nearly hysteric now and I felt my heart thudding uncontrollably in my chest.

She was telling me all these things about the man I loved. The man I thought I was in love with anyways...but all I could think about was Eren. I had to protect him...had too... I felt my stomach churning. I was sick. Unbelievably sick. I climbed to my feet and ran to the bathroom to successfully empty breakfast into the toilet bowl.

“I'm so sorry Aniki!!” I heard the door shut and I wiped at my mouth. My chest was clenching, making my breath nearly impossible. I needed to calm down. Needed... I fished my pocket knife out and held it in shaky hands. Eren would be disappointed...Hell...he'll probably break up with me after I tell him the truth. Tell him how much danger I've really put him in. Sharing needles? Fuck...Farlan was an idiot. Who knows if he was using protection when... “Fuck you.” I flipped the blade out and ran it across my forearm. “FUCK YOU FARLAN! You...” A tear dripped down my cheek and dripped onto my arm, mixing with the blood and draining down. “You fucking hurt Eren. You hurt me! YOU CARELESS PIECE OF SHIT!” I kept swiping, not able to control myself. I couldn't take it. I was a disappointment, sure, but I had never done anything like that. I was faithful to Farlan. I loved him, but he just used me. Used me for sex and drugs.

“Levi?” I heard Eren's voice and froze. I was leaned up against the cabinet, arm cradled in my lap. I was a lost cause. I let the knife drop to the floor and took a shaky breath. I just had to get through it. Get through the break up and I would be able to finally give up. Be able to... “LEVI!?” Eren ran to my side and kicked the knife across the floor. “What? Why?” He sounded so sad, so disappointed in me.

“I'm a fuckup, Eren...” I shook my head and avoided those beautiful aqua eyes that I'd fallen in love with.

“No...” He pulled me into his arms and I choked on my tears. “It's gonna be okay. I'm here...” Not for long. I wanted to enjoy the warmth of his arms a little longer, but I had to tell him. Had to...

“Farlan... he cheated on me...” Eren looked up at me with a frown, pushing my bangs out of my face. “He fucking shared needles...he...” I shook my head desperately and Eren tried to wipe away the tears on my cheeks. I was tired of crying. Tired of putting him through this. He shouldn't have to baby sit me.

“Shhh...it's okay...” He pressed kisses into my hair and let me lay against his chest. What was going on? Why...why was he still here?! Why wasn't he yelling? Why?! I clenched my hand in the fabric of his hoodie and sucked in a sharp breath.

“Why?” I muttered it against his chest. My brain forcing me to utter those ridiculous words.

“What do you mean?” He kept running his fingers through my hair, kissing my forehead and my cheeks.

“Why aren't you leaving? Why aren't you upset?!” I yelled it. Fucking yelled at him, like the asshole I am. I felt his chest rise and fall with a deep breath and his heart sped up a bit. I could hear it beating against my ear.

“I am upset. Upset that he hurt you like that. Upset that he lied to you.” I froze. Completely and utterly froze. He wasn't mad at me. He was mad at Farlan. Upset that the man I'd been with betrayed me. Put my life in danger and in turn put Eren in danger. I looked up. Looked up into those beautiful blue-green eyes. He looked pissed. If it weren't for him threading his fingers through my hair and holding me so gently, I'm sure his fists would have been balled in frustration.

“Eren...” I hugged him, hugged him close to me and tried to take a breath. “I'm so sorry.”

“You didn't know.” He kept rubbing soothing circles against my back, whispering calming words to me as I tired to catch my breath. “It'll be alright.” I shook my head against him and rubbed at my eyes. “We'll get through this.”

“But-”

“We'll go get tested together.” He kept pressing little kisses all over my face and I wanted to just hide in his arms for the rest of time. Just hide away from the world.

“O-Okay...” He pulled away for a moment and leaned me back against the cabinet. My tears had mostly slowed, but I was still upset. I'd still fucked up. I looked down at my arm and shivered. I was weak. So weak. I heard the water running and suddenly, Eren was kneeling down in front of me. He started wiping my face with a wet paper towel, trying to soothe my red blotchy cheeks. He was so gentle. So caring. I didn't deserve even an ounce of his love.

He looked to my arm and frowned, before stepping out of the room to grab the first aid kit. It brought me back to the day we met, when I was treating his battle scarred arms. He started cleaning me up, bandaging my arm as he thought silently to himself. I could practically see the gears turning in his mind.

“Just...just come to me next time. Okay?” I looked away from the disappointment in his eyes and nodded. “I'll try to do everything I can. I don't want to see you hurt. Just like you don't want to see me hurt, right?” I turned back and looked into those eyes, welling up with tears that he refused to shed. He was worried, and I'd caused that.

“I will...I just...” I frowned and felt my eyes sting again. I wouldn't shed any more tears. Not today. I was done crying, so tired of constantly bawling my eyes out.

“I know.” He taped the bandaged into place and brought my hand up to his lips so he could kiss each fingertip, each knuckle. “I know how hard it is. I know that ache in your chest, like you can't breathe unless you let some of that tension loose.” I nodded and he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to my feet. I was shaky, putting a great deal of weight on him.

“Levi, I think maybe you should take some time off from work.” My eyes went wide and I started furiously shaking my head.

“No, no. I'm fine, I-”

“You aren't fine. You are stressed and you need to calm down. Everyone needs a break sometimes.” I looked down at the floor and frowned. “Does Erwin give you vacation time?” I nodded and looked over my bandaged arm, before I pulled my sleeve down. I felt a shiver run through me and before I knew it, Eren was slipping off his hoodie so he could slide it onto my arms. He smiled at me, before he zipped up the front, leaving him in just his t-shirt.

“But-” He held up his hands to stop my protests and I shut my mouth. I felt warm. Almost as warm as when he had me tucked safely into his arms. The hoodie smelled like him. Sweet and perfect. I pulled it up around my neck a little more, tucking my chin down into it.

“Let's go.” I bit my lip and took his hand as we walked out of the bathroom. I tried to look at the floor as we walked into the main part of the shop, but Hanji's voice drew my eyes up.

“Levi...are you alright? We heard the yelling, but...” She was frowning, voice soft and worried. I swallowed hard and tried to will away all thoughts of the fight I'd just had with Izzy. I needed to clear my head. Needed to get away for a while. Eren was right. I shook my head and turned my attention to Erwin. Mike was still sitting behind him and they both looked pretty worried to be honest. I sighed with a quivering lip and glanced over to Eren who gave me a gentle smile. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I took a deep breath.

“I ugh...” I looked at Erwin again who had stopped sketching. “I think maybe I should use some vacation days.” Eren gave me a pat on the shoulder and I turned my eyes to the floor.

“Levi, since you started working here, you've barely taken any days off.” I nodded and took a great deal of interest in cleaning my nails as Erwin spoke. It was true I hardly took any vacation time. I needed the little bit of tips that I could scrape together. “Take as much time as you need. Just remember we are all here for you, alright?” I felt my eyes sting again. I was a fucking baby. A big cry baby. I looked up as Erwin stood and pulled me into a hug. “I'm your friend, remember? Anytime you need me, I'm here.” He whispered it to me and I nodded, trying to will away the tears in my eyes.

“Go get some rest, munchkin.” I let out a nervous little laugh as I took Eren's hand again.

“Fuck you, Hanji.”

“Awww. Fuck you too, my little angry gnome!” I rolled my eyes and Eren pulled me towards the door. I handed him my keys and we walked out into the cold. I jumped into the passenger seat and shut the door.

“I'll call Petra and tell her that I won't be able to make it tonight.” Eren started up the car and my heart skipped in my chest.

“No! No, you have to play!” He looked at me in surprise and I nervously fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. “Please, play. I like to hear you.” He smiled softly and leaned across to peck my cheek. I don't blame him for not wanting to kiss me with puke breath. Eww.

“Alright. If you are sure. Let's go home for a while though. We can rest a bit before we head to the cafe.” I nodded and leaned back in the seat, just watching the ugly buildings that were falling apart as we passed. We pulled into the apartment complex in no time, and Eren even ran to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I took his hand again, scarred to be without my anchor.

“We need to get your permit soon.” He simply nodded and we walked up the steps together. The colony of cats greeted us as usual, meowing and hopeful that Eren would give them a treat.

“Maybe later, guys.” Eren smiled at the cats and waved them away as we stepped into the apartment. I looked at the time on the microwave. It was 6:15. Eren needed to be at the cafe at 8:30. I swallowed hard and let go of his hand as I made my way to the bathroom. I brushed the acidic taste from my mouth, furiously scrubbing away the bile.

I heard Eren talking to someone, probably Hanji, considering she had to always be in the loop. I combed my hair and slicked It back with some gel, getting annoyed of it hanging in my face. I washed my hands and walked into the bedroom to see Eren dumping his backpack out by the dresser.

“Pack some clothes.” I raised my eyebrow and just stood there, utterly confused.

“What?”

“Pack. Get some stuff together. We are leaving after I'm done playing tonight.”

“Where? I mean...you have school.” Sure I had the week off, but Eren's education was important. He'd already missed a lot of school this year and though most of it was excused, I still wouldn't be responsible for him missing.

“It's winter break now. Today was the last day before school let out.” Oh...He had mentioned that this morning. I nodded and walked over to the dresser. I started taking out clothes, not really sure how many days I should pack for.

“Where are we going to go?” I frowned as I looked at the shirt in my hands.

“I called Petra. She said it would be fine to use her parent's vacation home for the week.” I looked up to Eren and felt my lips twist up into a smile.

“Really?” He nodded and I felt his arms wrap around my waist. He pulled me down into the pile of clothes that were in front of him.

“Yeah. We will have some time alone. Time to relax and just think.” I looked up at that beautiful face, at that gentle smile that I loved. At that man that I loved. I felt his fingers on my chin and he tilted my head back so he could press his lips to mine. Caring and soft, yet filled with so much affection that it almost broke my heart.

“What about...” I frowned and looked away. The test? What about that important little detail? I was terrified to know, but we had to find out.

“I'm sure there's a clinic around that area. Don't worry so much.” He nuzzled his cheek against mine and wrapped his arms tightly around me in a hug. I just nodded, not thinking of anything else to use in protest. I wanted nothing more than to have some time away from Trost. Time with Eren was even better and we both found comfort in the ocean. It was a place that made us feel at ease. I could listen to the waves for hours. It didn't matter that it was winter, I could sit on the shore and just look out over the blue expanse forever.

 

 

We packed quickly. Nothing more that throwing some clothes into a suitcase and the rest of the essentials in Eren's backpack. Eren wheeled the suitcase into the living room and plopped his backpack down beside of it. I returned to the bedroom and started digging through my clothes to find just what I wanted. I felt the familiar fabric and pulled it out with a sigh, looking at the annoying shade of purple. I smiled at the hoodie in my hands, worn from years of use. _South Side Art Club._

I flipped it over and looked at the list of names on the back. Erwin's was right next to mine. We spent the majority of our high school days painting murals for the club in the city, trying to bring some life into the old decrepit buildings. Someone thought it was a good idea to order the hoodies two sizes too big for everyone in the club. They claimed that they would be cozy. I rolled my eyes at the memory and looked at the hoodie in my arms. There was a big difference between medium and extra large. It was comfortable though, not going to lie about that. I stood up and walked into the kitchen, finding Eren heating up some water in the tea kettle. 

“Here. You can wear this since I took yours.” I handed it to him and he smiled, before he slipped it on. He had changed shirts one we got home, worried that there would be a repeat of what had happened at the cafe before. 

“It's really comfy!” he smiled and tugged me up against him, wrapping his arms around me. I gave in and laid my head against his collar bones, nuzzling his neck a bit as I did. I smiled at the thought of us together. We probably looked like an odd couple with the height difference. “I love you, Levi.” I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. I needed to hear those words. Needed to believe him. Eren did love me. He loves me for who I am, not what I've done in the past. I'm far from deserving of his love, but I'll cherish every bit of it. 

“I love you too.” He buried yet another kiss in my hair and we both jumped as the tea pot began to whistle. He laughed a bit and ruffled my hair before turning to remove the kettle. I sat down at the breakfast bar and watched as he made me a cup of tea. Eren was always thoughtful. Always caring for me, even though he's the one that deserves to be cared for. 

 

 

After I finished my tea, we grabbed the bags and loaded the car up. Eren made sure to lock up the apartment, before we drove the very short distance to the cafe. I didn't expect Izzy to be there, so I wasn't surprised when it was Petra that waved to me. She had someone else working behind the coffee bar, heating up pastries and making drinks. 

Eren walked me over to the bar after he sat his guitar down and pressed a kiss to my lips, obviously not giving a fuck who saw or what they cared. I was his main concern and it made my heart flutter a little. It was nice to be loved. Nice to be cared for and treated like a cherished possession. He leaned over to whisper in my ear, trying to be quiet as the poet finished up. 

“If you need anything, I'm just a few steps away. Okay?” I nodded and he stepped back just a little to pull his hoodie around me and tucked it just right against my neck. 

“Eren.” He turned to Petra and smiled. “I'm recording your performance tonight. I hope that's okay.”

“Sure!” He grinned and pressed a final kiss to my cheek. 

The poet finally finished up and he took the stage, playing a few of his favorite songs. I recognized most of them and I simply sat there and swayed back and forth, just enjoying the soothing sound of his voice and his fingers strumming along on his guitar. 

“Ugh...this is a new one. I haven't gotten to practice it a lot, but I really enjoy playing. Levi wrote the lyrics-” He motioned to me and a few people glanced at me. He beamed at me from the stage and I couldn't help but smile. “So this song really means a lot to me. Here goes.” 

 

_Without you I’m hopeless,_

_Trapped by the darkness,_

_With no rays of light to pull me through._

 

Eren's voice was beautiful as always, and I felt my heart ache as he sung the words that meant so much to me. My poem, something that I had put time, effort, and thought into, was coming to life because of my amazing brunette. He was everything I ever wanted. All I needed in this world.

 

_I’m missing the pieces,_

_Life without meaning,_

_Constantly searching for you._

 

I watched him almost without blinking. I didn't want to pull my eyes away for a second. I was completely mesmerized. Amazed at how he could bring my words to life.

 

_My lonely heart aching,_

_Shattered and breaking,_

_My only hope is memories of you._

 

Every now and again, he would tear his eyes away from his guitar so he could look at me and sing. He was fucking singing to me. Singing like I was the only person in the room. Like I was the only person that mattered.

 

_Suddenly I awaken,_

_Everything mistaken,_

_I’m laying right next to you._

 

He flipped his hair, tossing back his bangs so they were out of his eyes. I smiled at him and felt my heart soar. I'd gone from my lowest point today, to the highest. I was happy as he sung. Happy as he played. It's like his music alone was a comfort to me. Like it was completely Eren, wrapping around me, coursing through the room.

 

_You turn to me and smile,_

_Hold me for a while,_

_Reassure me that our love is true._

 

I'm fucking beaming at him like a little kid. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't his number one fan. I loved Eren. Every part of him. He was doing everything in his power to make me happy and I trusted him. Trusted that he would pull me out of this low and into a life filled with happiness.

 

_They’ll never tear us apart,_

_Never left in the dark,_

_Just remember, I’ll always love you._

 

His strumming ended and he stood and waved.

“Thanks!” The crowd in the cafe applauded and he smiled as he started packing up his guitar. Petra walked over and shut off the little camera, before taking it back behind the counter. I saw her pull out a set of keys and she dropped them into my hand.

“We really appreciate it Petra!” Eren smiled as he wrapped his arm around me, tugging me right against his side.

“No problem! No one uses the house in the winter anyways.” I smiled and she gave us both a coffee to go, before waving goodbye. I followed Eren out to the car and walked to the driver's side.

“Are you alright to drive? Not too tired?” I climbed in the driver's seat and moved the seat forward. Damn brat was too tall. 

“I'm fine. He buckled himself in and took a sip of his coffee. “Sometimes it just helps to drive and clear your mind a little.”

“Mhmm.” I started up the car and he tugged at the sleeve of my hoodie. He pulled me into a kiss, taking my breath away. It wasn't heated, but there was a feeling of urgency in it. Like he had to pour every emotion into that kiss. Like he was trying to prove something to me. I kissed back hungrily, swiping my tongue over his lower lip as he ran his fingers through my hair. I opened my eyes a few seconds after we pulled apart, literally frozen by the kiss. 

I knew what he was trying to prove. He was trying to tell me he loved me without having to say it, and it worked. I knew by that aching in my chest that he loved me and he knew very well that I loved him too. A few days away from everything is just what we need. Some time together to rest and relax. 

I put the car into reverse and pulled out onto the street, more than ready to spend my vacation with the one I loved. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so first an apology. I've just been, eh disconnected I guess? I just moved to a new city, REALLY far away from my friends and family, so I've just been trying to find myself. Which is hard for me sometimes, because of my anxiety/depression. BUT, I managed to write a bit and it does make me feel better!
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

The sky was grey. The same stormy grey as Levi's eyes. It was raining far out over the ocean somewhere, but we just watched as the waves broke furiously against the beach. We sat together on a towel, feet bare and buried in the sand. It was cold today, but neither of us minded. We were edged up against each other, hands locked together. There was only silence between us for the longest time, though it wasn't an uncomfortable one. We didn't need words to communicate. Even just subtle glances conveyed our inner most thoughts.

 

Two days. It'd been two days since we arrived. Yesterday we both went to get tested at the local clinic, but unfortunately there was a 24 hour way, due to the proximity of Christmas. Levi had his phone heavy, turned up loud so we could hear it ring over the crashing of the waves. He looked unsettled. Like he was being haunted by some ghost that refused to let him rest. He couldn't sleep last night and aside from a quick 15 minute nap early this morning, there was no rest to be had. I stayed up most of the night with him, trying to soothe him with kind words and soft singing, but nothing seemed to help.

 

“Eren...” I looked over to him, to those stormy grey eyes I adored. There was a sad tone to his voice. One that I feared. Out of the two of us, Levi seemed to be the most positive. Optimistic I guess. It was hard for me to view the world as anything but bitter from everything I'd gone through. Don't get me wrong, I thank whatever God is out there for Levi everyday. Without him, I wouldn't even be sitting here looking at the approaching storm. I leaned a little closer and reach my hand up to tuck his bangs back behind his ear. His hair was getting long, the underside left unkempt. He turned to me with sad eyes and I offered him the warmest smile I could. I had to support Levi. Had to repay him for everything he's done for me. “Sorry for putting all of this on your shoulders. I know you don't need the extra stress. You've got enough to worry about.”

 

I shook my head and gave him another smile, before acting on my own. Who cares if sand got all over us? Not me. I climbed onto Levi's lap, slinging wet sand everywhere and he wore a look of shock on his face. I nuzzled our cheeks together, before capturing his lips. I had to take innitative sometimes. Levi can't be in control of everything. He sighed into the kiss, heart pouding against my own chest as my tongue worked against his. It was calming out here. Nothing but the occasional cry from a seagull and the waves assaulting the shore. As our lips brushed together, I reach my hand up, fingers gently stroking his cheek. It was surprisingly soft. I'd assumed that it would have been rough and chapped from all the recently shed tears. I know he's fighting with demons. Both past and present, but I refuse to let him sink.

  
When we pulled apart, his face fell against my shoulder, arms tightening around me and pulling me even closer. He was breathing heavily, but he seemed a little more calm today. I was thankful for that.

 

“You saved me, Levi.” He pulled back a little to look into my eyes. “I wouldn't even be here today if it weren't for you. The least I can do is stay by your side. No matter what happens, I love you.” The corners of his mouth twitched up a little and he swallowed hard.

 

“But what if-”

 

“Like I said, no matter what. Nothing can separate us. I'll stay with you no matter what. Love you no matter what.” With those words, rain started the pelt the sand around us. His mouth twisted up into a smile and a single tear ran down his cheek, before it mixed with the rain.

  
“I love you. I love you!” He was screaming it. Screaming over the thundering rain as it soaked the sand around us. “I fucking love you, Eren Jaeger!” In that moment, it was as if a fire lit back in him. He was smiling. We were drenched. I was ran fingers though his wet and matted hair, plastered against his forehead. Thunder roared around us and to my surprise, he lifted us both up and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist as he held onto me and carried me to the back porch, leaving the beach towel abandoned in the soaking sand.

As a flash of lighting lit up the sky, he dropped me to my feet on the porch and threw the back door open. We stepped inside and started shedding clothes, tossing them back out onto the porch to be collected and washed later. The last thing we wanted was to track water and sand throughout Petra's house.

 

He shut the door once we were both bare and locked it, and I proceeded to follow him to the bathroom. Within seconds the hot water was streaming into the shower and he was yanking me inside, shoving me under its warm spray. I had to admit, after sitting outside in the freezing sea spray, the water felt nice. Levi's arms around my bare waist felt even better though. He was pressing kisses everywhere his lips could easily reach. My face, my shoulders, my neck.

 

I wasn't shy around him anymore. Not after everything we'd already been through together. We knew each other's scars. Knew each other's pasts, and nothing could scare us away from each other. He was grinning and it was beautiful. Stunning. I felt my eyes sting as his stretched lips pressed against my throat. I could feel him smiling, even as he kissed me. The way his eyes lit up only fueled the fire.

 

“L-Levi...” I planted my lips against his neck, nibbling and nipping. Placing faint little red marks. He was only mine. No one else could have him. I couldn't bond with anyone else like this. Before things heated up too much, he was pulling away slightly. He started washing me, gently making me smell like strawberries and honey. I had no complaints and I returned the actions with a smile.

 

We had to complete our shower quickly however. Not from the lack of water, but from the lack of light in the bathroom. Make that the lack of power to the house. The storm had knocked the electricity out, but thankfully we knew our way around okay. We dried off with the big fluffy towels that were kept in the cabinet and once we dressed in loose pajamas, Levi took me into the living room where he started a fire in the fireplace to keep us warm. It was definitely going to be a chilly night without power. As he started the fire, I got to work bringing in blankets and pillows from the bedroom. I made us a cozy little nest right beside the fire and he sunk down into the thick comforter with me, pulling me onto his lap as he did. We were both facing the fire and his arms were back around my midsection. He was holding me tightly, like I was the only thing worth holding onto in this dark stormy world. I felt his lips tickle my neck as he kissed, planting a few marks of his own. I simply smiled and relished in the attention, body leaning back into his strong frame.

 

“Eren...” I shut my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling his lips tickle my ear as I did. “Once things are calmed down a little. Once we are on our feet a bit more...marry me?” My heart stopped. Fucking constricted in my chest. I gripped his hand tightly and squeezed my eyes shut. For someone to love me that much? To pour out there heart and soul and commit that to me? Forever. I cried. Fucking cried out as I let out a sob. “I'm sorry! We don't have to! We can just take things slow and-” I was turning in his arms, crashing my lips against his. I'd never wanted him so badly. I wanted to comfort him in the only way intimacy could, but that was on hold for a while. He'd looked petrified when I'd turned in his lap. Like he'd truly offended me somehow. I was battling against his own tongue, against his lips. I sighed into his touch as his fingers ran over my chest under my loose fitting t-shirt. I only felt comfortable showing my arms to Levi. Only Levi. He was the only one that could understand my pain.

 

“P-Please...” I barely pulled my lips from his. Muttered the words against his own. I felt the soft pink skin, damp from the kiss as my lips moved against his. “I only want you. Please marry me, Levi.” He smiled. That gorgeous heart felt smile, before our mouths were battling again. He won this time and we sunk down, buried in the thick comforter. The flames danced and the logs cracked as we lay there, completely enveloped by one another.

 

I was slowly learning, day by day, that there was more to a relationship than what the shitty lifetime movies portrayed. It didn't just come down to sex. Love is about being there for your special person. About cherishing them. Supporting them. Sure, I loved to be wrapped around Levi, to have us connected in that special way, but it didn't make or break our relationship. There are so many other ways to prove your love. Whether is be gentle kisses, soft touches, or simply being there to hold them as they cried.

 

After a while of soft touches and heated kisses, Levi added another log to the fire, before returning to my side. He wore a t-shirt also, obviously not caring if I saw his arms or not. I would never tell him, but his last act of self harm terrified me. It was different. Raw. Instead of his meticulous scars, evenly spaced and thought out, his left arm now mirrored mine. Uncontrolled. Anxious. Aggressive. They hadn't been thought out. Hadn't been planned. That's when I knew something had broken. He was crushed. Completely breathless from the news he'd received that day about Farlan.

 

Truthfully, I could care less about the guy. Levi had painted a pretty nice picture in my head of him. Best friend turned lover. Only the two of them against this shitty world, but now I had no respect from him. Dead or not, he intentionally hurt Levi. He hurt the man I love more than anything in this world. Made him cry, made him suffer, and made him resort to harming himself. Never. Never would I do such a thing. I wouldn't even dream of cheating on Levi. Not for anything. No amount of money. He was all I needed.

 

But that was all slowly fading into the past. The light was back in his eyes and he seemed to not be thinking to heavily about it now at least. Just with simple reassurance, he was back to normal. That's all he needed from me. A promise to stay by his side no matter the results of the test.

 

We were wrapped in each other's arms, enjoying the heat from the fire. My head was on Levi's shoulder, own arms wrapped around his chest. In the dark living room, his phone lit up. His ringtone echoing through the silent house. We both froze and he swallowed as he reach for it.

 

“H-Hello?” I watched quietly as he spoke. The fire lit up his face. His brow was furrowed. He was terrified. Terrified of bad news. I held onto his hand as a woman's voice echoed throughout the room. We'd supplied the same number for the results, so we would know at the same time.

 

“C-Can you repeat that?” He was in shock, fingers clawing at my own.

 

“I heard the words negative and he let out a deep sigh. With a thank you, he ended the call and tossed the phone aside.”

 

“We're both fine. We're-” His smile faded for a moment, and his eyes began to droop. I guided him down to the pillows. Exhaustion was setting in and now that his nerves were calmed, his body was ready for sleep. I pulled the covers up around us and edged myself closer to his side, lazily throwing my leg over his own.

 

“I'm glad. So glad.” I felt my lips twist into a smile and I pressed them to his. Just a chaste kiss, but it was more than enough. He was looking at me through droopy eyes, fingers playing in my damp hair. “But you need to rest.” he let out a small chuckle and pressed a kiss to my forehead. I started singing, soft and soothing. Anything to lull him into a deep sleep.

 

 _There's a hero_  
If you look inside your heart  
You don't have to be afraid  
Of what you are 

 

He smiled at me and pulled me even closer. I felt a little odd singing without my guitar to accompany me, but it was for Levi. I'd do anything to comfort him. To see him smile.

 

 _There's an answer_  
If you reach into your soul  
And the sorrow that you know  
Will melt away 

 

 

This song was one of my favorites. Reminding me of Levi from the first time I'd heard it. He was more than just a hero to me. He was my soul mate.

 

 _And then a hero comes along_  
With the strength to carry on  
And you cast your fears aside  
And you know you can survive  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
Look inside you and be strong  
And you'll finally see the truth  
That a hero lies in you 

 

He taught me to stay strong and keep fighting. I may not love everything about myself, but I'm a heck of a lot closer than I was.

 

 _It's a long, road_  
When you face the world alone  
No one reaches out a hand  
For you to hold  
You can find love  
If you search within yourself  
And the emptiness you felt  
Will disappear 

 

Levi not only taught me how to love, but how to love unconditionally. Not just the love you are normally born into from a family, but the love of someone that sees you uniquely. As the light of their world. No matter what, I'll stay by Levi's side. Through thick and thin. His eyes slipped shut and I kept my voice soft. Singing just for him.

 

 _And then a hero comes along_  
With the strength to carry on  
And you cast your fears aside  
And you know you can survive  
So when you feel like hope is gone  
Look inside you and be strong  
And you'll finally see the truth  
That a hero lies in you 

 

He was asleep now, breath beginning to even out. I smiled as I listened to the rain pelting the windows and the crackle of the fire. Right then and there I decided that I loved the sound of his calm breathing, just like I loved his smile and his voice. Every little detail that made him, him.

 

“I love you.” With a kiss to his jaw, I settled down and fell into my own deep sleep. Wrapped in the arms of the one I loved.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the lack of updates. I'm trying my best! I've seriously been working on my novel and it's finally coming together. In the mean time, here is a chapter. It's a little small, but it's something. 
> 
> Plus. there's smut! Yay smut!

I woke up wrapped in Eren's arms. The last few days had been nothing but torture, but there was a new sense of calm this morning. The weight had been lifted off of both of us and I was thankful for that. Thankful that I hadn't caused Eren any harm from my stupid life choices.

 

He was happily snoring, fast asleep with no hope of waking him until at least noon. I smiled and wormed my way out of his arms. I needed some time to think. Needed to walk a bit. I felt antsy, and just lying there was doing nothing to help. I slipped on a coat and some jeans, before stepping into my shoes.

 

There was fresh snow along the shore and I looked out over the ocean as I walked. I found an abandoned beach chair and sat down, toeing at the sand with my shoe. I took a deep breath and reach my hand up under my sleeve, mindlessly picking at the scabs on my arm.

 

“I have to give you up. I can't keep going like this.” I muttered it to no one in particular. “We were toxic together, and I just...I have to let you go. I have to do this for Eren.” I stood up and walked closer to the water, the icy waves washing the sand off of my boots. I shivered. Not from the cold, but from the emotions bubbling up inside me. The anger, the grief, the sadness. My eyes stung from the tears threatening to fall.

 

“Fuck you...” I spoke it quietly, arms wrapped around myself as I looked out over the water. “You...” I shook my head, feeling like a lunatic talking to himself. I needed to do this though. Needed to get passed this.

 

“FUCK YOU!” I screamed it over the water, over the sounds of the waves washing up on the beach. Over the early morning gulls' calls. “FUCK YOU, FARLAN!” My voice cracked as I screamed. I wasn't used to being this loud. “You never loved me! Never even cared! You could have killed me! Killed Eren!” I wrapped my arms back around myself and felt my lip tremble.

 

“Eren is everything I've ever wanted! He knows I'm a fuckup, but he still loves me!” I dropped to my knees, tears running down my cheeks now. “He really cares. We are gonna get married one day...” I started muttering again, looking down at the froth from the ocean washing over my kness.

 

“We're gonna be happy! We'll get passed all of our problems and BE HAPPY!” I screamed it at the top of my lungs, scaring away a few rummanging gulls to my left. “So I have to let you go. You were never good for me in the first place, but I thought I loved you. I thought...I thought we were special, but were were bad for each other. Toxic down to the roots.” I tried wiping at my cheeks, only to smudge sand onto my skin.

“What I have with Eren? That's real. He wants to see me happy. Wants me to heal. To move on. To move passed everything that happened with you and now I know...” I swallowed hard, looking out over the frigid water. “It's time to let you go. Goodbye, Farlan.” I laughed, a warm feeling rising up in my chest. I knew I must have seemed like a psych patient. Laughing and crying at the same time will make you seem that way. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Eren. He was wrapped in a blanket, walking towards me with bare feet.

 

“Levi...” I tried to wipe my tears away, but he just shook his head and smiled at me, dropping down to his knees next to me. He wrapped me in the blanket and pulled me to his chest, pressing his lips to my neck. “It's going to be alright now. We will get through this together.” He ran his fingers over my arm and I nodded. I was so happy to have him. So thankful.

 

“I love you.” I choked it out against his neck. I held onto him tight, fearing that some unknown force would suddenly rip us apart. He was like the oxygen I needed to breathe. The sun that brightens my day. “I fucking love you, Eren. I really do.”

 

“I love you too, Levi. Bad past or not, you are special to me and I refuse to let you go. I won't let you fall.” My tears were dripping onto his shirt, onto the blanket. Mixing with mud and sand and the new edition of snowflakes. I was shivering now, not only from the emotions that had just flooded through me, but from the frigid water I'd been sitting in for the last 10 minutes. “Let's get you inside.” Eren helped me to my feet and we walked with his arm around my waist. The blanket thrown over our shoulders.

 

When we stepped into the house, the blanket was the first thing to hit the floor. Shoes were tossed to the side, wet socks stripped off, followed by jeans and shirts. Our lips were crashing together, breathing in each other. Tasting, exploring like we were new to each other again. In a way were were. I was free. Free from the guilt and betrayal. Farlan was in the past and there was only a teal eyed brunette in my future.

 

“Hnng. Cold. Cold.” He shivered as my frozen hands ran over his side and I couldn't help but smile at him. We somehow made it to the bathroom and he started the water to the shower. He looked at my arm with a frown and brought it up to his lips. He kissed down my forearm, avoiding the cuts themselves, but proving his point nonetheless. “We can do this.” He reassured me with a smile and I nodded, letting my eyes run over his body. We could overcome this together.

 

We stepped into the shower together and I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing and sucking. I didn't give a fuck who saw. Eren was mine. Only mine and I refused to share him with anyone. The water felt amazing. Warm and steamy, but still not as nice as the warmth coming from his body.

 

He backed me up against the wall and his hand fell between my legs, to the hardness he knew would be waiting there. I could feel his own hard on against my hip and I smiled. We were in the clear now. Free to do whatever we liked. His hands moved, adding soap into the mix. They roamed all over me, washing, stroking, caressing. We didn't need to speak. Every emotion was being conveyed just with looks, touches and breathy moans.

 

When his hands crept backwards and gave my ass a squeeze, I shivered. I held onto him, arms wrapping tightly around his neck.

  
“Levi?” I simply nodded, nipping at his neck a bit in anticipation. I cried out as he slid a slick digit inside. My muscles were stretching for him and he knew just what to do with those rough fingers. “Fuck, you are so beautiful, Levi.” I bit down on his shoulder as he added another finger, finding that spot deep inside me that set me on fire.

 

“E-Eren! Please. Just-” I bucked my hips forward, my face flushing. Suddenly, his hands were on my thighs. He lifted me up and I responded by wrapping my legs around his waist. He pressed me up against the shower wall, back feeling icy but I didn't really give a fuck. I was squirming against him, ass rubbing against his thighs.

 

Suddenly he was pushing in, slowly at first until I was clawing at his back. Begging him to just move. Just give me a little friction. There was no tender love making in this moment. There was fucking. Hard and relentless and all I could do was hold onto my beautiful brunette's neck for dear life as he took me up against the shower wall. We were simply thankful that we had each other.

“F-FUCK!! EREN! Right there! Right-” I bucked forward and he smashed our mouths together. I hadn't been able to let myself loose like this for a long time, but now everything had changed. Eren was my one and only. He knew my scars, knew my past, and yet he loved me anyways. The least I could do is bare my heart for him to see.

 

“L-Love you! FUCK!” He growled it against my mouth and I trembled. He was possessive and it made me shiver.

 

“Love you too. AGH!” I arched up, as best as I could when I was being hammered into the tile wall. “Eren. EREN. EREN!” I chanted his name over and over. My voice cracking every time he hit that spot deep inside that only he could reach.

 

Then he let go of my right ass cheek, supporting me with the strength of his left arm and bracing against the wall. He reach between us and gripped me hard, making me cry out. He slammed into those sweet bundle of nerves just a few more times, before I cried out his name, releasing between us. I felt warmth flood me just a few moments later and he held me there, trying to catch his breath with a sated smile on his face.

 

 

We finished up our shower and dried off, not bothering to get dressed again before we returned to our nest in front of the fireplace. I laid in between his legs, warm skin pressing against my own. He gave me a sleepy smile and pulled me closer, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. After bringing the blankets up around us, I reach up, stroking his cheek with tender touches.

 

“Get some rest, Levi. It's not even noon yet.” I grinned and let my eyes fall shut, drifting off to the steady beat of his heart.

 


End file.
